Really need advice, please don't judge?

Question

Before I start, this is a sensitive subject to me, my head is all over the place and I really need advice. Please don't judge and no harsh comments.

I've been with my partner 2 years, there's 6 years difference, I'm 18 he's nearly 24, I'd say we were happy and going really smoothly, we have a beautiful 2 bedroom house (which I pay for). I'm a full time student at college and its my last year, I consider myself to have worked really hard considering I was homeless a year ago. I work nights of the weekend an I really try my best to get somewhere in life. I was brought up by my dad with my older brother, my mum was never around because of drug problems in the past, she has been on the road to recovery for a few years and we're finally creating a relationship as I never had a mum growing up which was hard. I wouldn't say I've had the easiest life, I'm sure people are a lot worse off than I am. (I have never complained of my up bringing and how hard I've had it etc, if anything I turnt out to be ok, I hope..)

My partner on the other hand has had it so easy and he doesn't see that, I don't critise his up bringing, I wish I had parents like his, he was very spoilt as a kid and more or less given everything on a plate to him which has caused his attitude towards life etc like it is now. He can never hold a job properly down and secure it, he smokes weed (I'm against drugs 100%) and I make him smoke outside as I'm a non smoker. When he can't have his own way my god he throws a paddy and spits his dummy out until he gets his own way. But when he's working and not smoking he's amazing!

Underneath the negative points of my partner I can't help but love him, he's my best friend as well as my partner, I guess you can't help who you fall for in life.

Anyway the reason to why I'm writing on yahoo is that 4 weeks ago I found I was pregnant, I was taking my pill but I was poorly in July. The day I found out I was shocked, everyone was, but I bonded straight away with my baby growing inside of me. I am 9 weeks pregnant today :)! But I have been given the ultimatum by my partner if I have a termination he'll stay and support me but if I choose to keep then he's walking away, either way he's making himself look bad? He's been so hurtful and selfish and then making out I'm being selfish because I want to keep our baby? He thinks its the easy way out? When its not :(! I hate him right now, we had a massive argument yesterday because I told him how I felt..he's not even willing to try whih hurts, we seen our baby last week and he didn't show any emotion he didn't care? I wanted him to accept it so much but he isn't coming round :(! The first part of the procedure is tomorrow, I can't face telling my family as they'll know he's making me do this and I feel guilty and ashamed, I don't believe in termination and he doesn't care how I feel? Because of what is aid yesterday he said we were finished because i pushed him to the edge? And I'm the one selfish and need to do what's right for everyone when it's not right, he said its whats beat for both of us blah blah blah...I will admit on one hand some o the things he's said I agree with but I feel I dot have a say? :(! It's breaking my heart! I shouldn't have to choose between our child and him? It's not fair, I Sao if he loved me like he says he does he wouldn't be doing this. He replied because he loves me this is why he's doing it? Don't make sense?

He doesn't get it? From a woman's point of view it's her going through a termination, it's an easy way out for him, he won't even think about what it would look like, if it was a boy or a girl, to be able to hold it etc I feel he's taking my chances away from me :'(! If I go through with this I will never know if it was a boy or girl or even to hold it :'(! I feel very hurt right now and I don't know what to do? I'm petrified going through pregnancy on my own and giving birth on my own when he should be there, I wouldn't ask for a penny off him but for him to be there emotionally as I never had 2 parents and he doesn't want to, he said he can't. He said yesterday 'I love you. I don't want to finish with you Katie, but I'm sorry I will if I have to.' What's that suppost to mean? I haven't spoken to him since that text. I feel so angry and hurt right now :(! Advice please? :(! No harsh comments either please

Answer 1

Oh my goodness what a selfish acehole!



You CAN do this on your own. Many women do. It sounds like you have a supportive family.



I was going through a rough patch with my husband. I didnt feel he wanted to spend any time with me or our son and was on the verge of splitting up when i discovered i was pregnant. We had only had sex once that month and by chance i had fallen pregnant.



I decided that the relationship was not stable enough and would get rid of it. I went to the clinic for the pre-procedure and they gave me a scan to check how far along i was. As soon as I saw that little sac on the screen and the heart beating inside it there was no way on this earth I could get rid of it.



I walked away from the clinic crying and was due to go back the next week to have the abortion pill.



I never went back.



My gorgeous daughter is 12 years old now and I am not kidding you, she is my best friend. She is the most adorable child I have ever met. She is polite, courteous and a joy to be around.



I often think of the fact that I nearly termination her.



You sound like an emotional person. I think if you do go through with it you will spend your life wondering what that baby could have been and will resent your boyfriend forever. Blood is thicker than water.. The baby is your blood.

Answer 2

I'm pro choice. But by the sounds of it you really want to keep the baby. Keep your baby!! You can't let him force you do something you don't want to and may regret for ever. It's a huge thing having an abortion. It's a big decision. Cancel that appointment now! He is being completely unreasonable asking you to do this without considering your feelings or what you want. Now you are a mother. Your baby is number 1! Screw him! And when he leaves, you better make him pay child support! Don't let him get his way, AGAIN. He needs to realize life doesn't work that way. If he loved you he wouldn't be doing this. If you go through with this, you're just going to resent him and break up anyways. Then the abortion would have been for nothing!



What happens next time you need to make a major decision in life? He's going to get the final say. Is that what you want? It's not about you or him anymore, it's about your baby.

Answer 3

Wow, this is really sad. You're mature but still really young and naieve. Why are you ending your baby's life if you love your baby? For a childish man? It's very easy to see that this marriage is not going to last. Decide whether you want to end your babys life or give it up for adoption or raise it alone. Do not do things that cannot be undone that you will hate yourself for for the rest of your life. You have come a long way and are capable of anything you set your mind to, so do what is in your heart and you will be happy in the end.



PS. Even if you dont keep the child, this is a BAD man and you should get away from him or he will always hold you down.

Answer 4

What this boils down to:

He is scared to death of being a father

He isn't emotionally ready for this

He isn't financially ready for this

He will feel forced into it if you have it

He will resent you if you do have it



Because he is stuck in his own spoiled mind to do what he wants, when he wants, and without restraints or true responsibilities.



You have two choices, and you know what they are. You have enabled him to continue being an irrisponsible adult. You pay for the house, and he won't 'man up' and hold a longterm, steady job. He smokes weed... and he apparently loves this lifestyle. He can always count on you, but truth is, you can't count on him.. unless he's always getting just what HE wants. Well, that's NOT the kind of guy you would want or need as either a husband or a father. Ideally, he isn't even a great boyfriend. His lack of stability and effort here is your big red flag. So, if you give up the baby, will you resent HIM in time to come? Likely, yes. If you give it up, you think he will ever have a reason to change his ways? No, because once again, he is manipulating you to conform to what HE wants... not what you both need.



Which is the lesser of two evils? Cutting him loose and having the baby alone... or giving in, enabling him to further manipulate you for his selfish ways, and never having to grow up... and never being the man you would want or need for a real, stable, happy FUTURE? I honestly see no real, happy future for you with this man. Personally, as a mother for over 23 yrs, I would choose the child. There's a lifetime of love to experience there. Your partner cannot offer that to you without some MAJOR CHANGES.. and he will fight those changes strongly, until he finds a big enough reason to succumb to them. He doesn't love you enough to compromise his ways. That is evident. He loves himself, and stands strong on having life 'his way or the highway'. He uses emotional and mental manipulation to control you. I hope you can see that now. He is a user, not a giver or equal partner.



Kick him to the curb. While you do it, remind him that it's your house, and your decision... If he wants to be there, he will learn to be a responsible, stable, caring, loving and RELIABLE MAN, not a fkng spoiled, manipulative selfish brat.



He will run for the hills, or he will come crawling back. If he stays gone, I prove my point. If he comes back, you better learn to see through his mind games, set some rules and stick to them, or he will manipulate you right back to where he wants you. Don't let him move back in right away if he does come back. Let him show his efforts for a while, and only come visit. He needs to learn how to earn his own way, pay his own bills, and grow up... like a real man. It's a journey he will have to make for himself... and one of the best life lessons he could learn at this point. He desperately needs it... and so do you... whether you realize it or not, it's going to make real adults of you both.



He thinks he's the stronger one in this relationship because he has the power to control you. You have more strenght than you realize, you're just scared to do it. Women make this leap of faith every day. Know what? It's quite empowering, and wonderful to know that you don't NEED a man... you can CHOOSE to have one around. Been there, done that. And it was hard, but SO WORTH IT IN THE END. Good luck.

Answer 5

You need to put you and YOUR BABY first. You obviously don't want to lose the baby so why should you because he says he wont stay with you if you do. Possibly he will come around once the baby is born, he will have to pay for the child whether he likes it or not. You do what is right for you ALONE in this. He is wrong putting you through this pressure.

Answer 6

Not a question, hun. More like 3 chapters of a romance novel.



My wife worked with a pregnancy center for years. There is pain and guilt far worse than all but the most honest of women will relate when you end that baby's life. It will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Have the baby. There are a million guys out there.

Answer 7

Honey......if you're GOOD ENOUGH to knock up, then you're GOOD ENOUGH to MARRY.





He wants YOU to murder the baby in your belly? You're paying for your house? You're the one working and going to school; trying to better yourself?



Tell the dip $h!t you're not murdering the FRUIT of your womb and that he can Go. Get. Bent.



He doesn't love you darling. If he isn't going to be a man and TAKE CARE OF and PROTECT you and your child, then he's not worth a high flyin piss.





The guy is a jerk off. Seriously. If he's going to walk because you want to take care of and love and protect your baby, then you're BETTER OFF. Let him walk.

Answer 8

O you poor thing I'd have the baby and if he leavers you it 'll hurt but you have your baby and he mite *** around to the idea when babies born:) you won't forgive yourself if you get rid of a beautiful baby good luck

Answer 9

http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/102009201?q=abortion&p=par



Abortion is not a trouble free solution. Please read the article posted above.