I am a divorced mom of two girls 13 and 10 with a couple of problems.?

Question

(1) Their step mom is way too overbearing. I've tried to bite my tongue, but I'm getting at the end of my rope!! For instance, if we are at a soccer game (me, my ex, both girls and the step mom and kids are with me) their step mom will continually tell them what to do, even call the older one away from me and to sit by her to "rest in the shade". She will ask where the girls got things I bought and say I had no "business buying it" She will question my parenting, etc. AND she doesn't have kids of her own. I thought ignoring it would help but it is only getting worse. (2) an outsider is getting WAY too involved in my children's lives. She seems way too concerned for my ex. When my daughter scored a goal and he wasn't there, she called him, when she broke her arm and was in the ER, she called him. NOW she has organized with him my younger daughter playing indoor soccer and NO ONE TOLD ME!! When I told her no thanks, she had the coach send me an email saying "welcome to the team"

Answer 1

I would sit down with your ex and lay down the law. If you are the custodial parent, spell it out to him that any and all decisions regarding the care and upbringing of your daughters is to be dealt with your and him. NO one else. He also needs to bring this to the attentions of his new wife.



Politely ask the other mom to consult you before she takes it upon herself to take charge where your daughters are concerned.



I think you have done a great job in biting your tongue, but sometimes a quiet word to the other woman might be the best thing to do, just tell them to butt out. The step mom needs to learn her place in your family, tell her she need not concern herself with how you choose to raise YOUR daughters.



Hope things get better for you.

Answer 2

I understand your story, and this is a bit annoying for you, what really hit me is that she the ex has no right to tell your girls when is wrong or not wrong about you getting them something OK this are your children, and you call the shots, she needs to have her own children and leave yours to be parent by you.. In a way I want to do the responsable thing and tell you to be patience too, but I know my self and what I would do is pull this lady to the side and away from the girls just the two of you alone and kindly explain to her that your daughter do not need two moms they have one already, kindly tell her you appreciate her worrying about them and even accept if she wants to give them good advice, advice that has nothing to do with you.. Now this is what you do, find something other than soccer to enjoy with your daugthers just for the three of you, not saying pull them out of soccer you can find or make something up that has nothing to do with the ex like a day out with mom and get make overs and stuff something that will become a routine for the three of you and that she is not included.. About her enrolling your child in to some indoor soccer you should of email back to the coach and tell him I was not aware of my child participating in indoors soccer, ask your kid if she wants to play indoors and if she does, you email that soccer coach and tell him next time you should be the one making choices not step mom OK

I am a step mom but raising my step daughter and I know if the mother would have being a good one and she is obviously not because we have the little girl, but IF she would have and in to the last day she had the little girl in her custody I would constanly call her mother about everything, even small little things, like I always include her mother in everything we had her in the weekend and we follow all of the mothers request by the book.. Now is different of course because we decide and now that is her turn to respect bounderies she refuse and there for she has stop, asking to see her daughter, so you see? some people are just not reasonable but your not wrong to be upset.. You have the girls your their mother and you should not tolerate her making desicions for them or talking to them about you.. Make it stop get legal if you have to a lawyer could assist you with that is called modification of vistiations would mean the visits it only be with dad, it can be done read on it.. Good luck.

Answer 3

She seems way too concerned for your ex??? are they not together or married now considering shes the step mom?? of course shes going to be concerned about him she loves him and when your daughter which is his daughter too scores a goal and he misses it of course shes gonna call him and tell him its a speical thing that happend with one of his children. and its the right thing to do that his daughter breaks her arm and she cals him.. Im really quite confused how those things are bad? you can ask your daughter if shed like to rest in the shade near you if you wanted.



worry about important things in life. a lady who seems to do a good job at taking care of your kids when in your husbands care isnt something to stress about.



I agree that the soccer thing should have been discused further but like i said before its not the end of the world. If your daughter likes it and the family is able to afford it then GREAT alot of kids dont get the opprotunity to do activities like that.



EDIT: just read your additional information you wrote...this is a confusing story ..what you should do is speak to the lady like an adult and i still think that if ur daughter broke her arm that it was nice of the lady to call your husband.

Answer 4

You are the childs mother. Tell her that if SHE is making a decision about YOUR children then she has run it past you first.



Shje has no right to say that you have no business buying your daughters things. They are YOUR daughters.



That said the bit about her calling him when she broke her arm and scored a goal. well in all fairness what would you expect her to do? Not tell him. Also why would you not want your daughter to play a healthy game like indoor soccer?

Answer 5

first off stick to your guns no in door soccer the coach thing is a game trying to make you feel obligated. the rest with that gal you have little control over. makes you wounder if he is playing a little on the side.



if the step mother says you shouldn't have bought something stand up to her verry nicely but sternly tell her that you will buy your daughters what ever you want when you want



instruct your daughters they are not to call her mom they can call her mrs.and last name make it very respectfull



if she refers to her self as mom correct her on the spot



tell you ex if she contenues undermineing you that you will get a lawyer and get some things changed like her not being able to be around your daughters play hard bell but be very polite when you do it and her crap will stop

Answer 6

Since dad can't make it to the games anyway.....I'll be damned if she will know when or where they are. I would keep my dghtrs close to me and talk a lot to them about life and loyalty etc. not too much...just that the 3 of you are enough. If dad wants to do stuff on his time...fine. But otherwise it is your time w/your dghtrs. If she asked me where I bought something, then told me I shouldn't have....I would have told her that actually it was none of her business and you will continue to buy your dghtrs what you chose. This is one of the reasons I stayed married. I have seen this many times....and it can be murder.

Answer 7

It might be better to write your question again. Maybe break it into 2 seperate questions. I've read the whole thing plus the updates and I'm still confused.

Answer 8

haha, im sorry, i had to laugh, you have WAY more patience then me. I would have told that lady to stick it somewhere the sun dont shine! i think your being to nice, they are your kids, not hers, its great that she likes them atleast but c'mon, tell her to go have a baby if she likes raising yours so much! honestly, the lady has no room to 'organize' things for your kids, ESP without asking you first, id give you my advise, but then again, she might end up in the hospital before its all over.

Answer 9

Just ask the step mom to screw off now onwards. Come on lets see you do that

Answer 10

OMG, I am so sick of exes like you are...



What exactly is bothering you? That is she involved, but it seems that she is involved in a good way... so even it is too much, it sounds like she has the best intentions...





"She seems way too concerned for my ex. When my daughter scored a goal and he wasn't there, she called him, when she broke her arm and was in the ER, she called him. NOW she has organized with him my younger daughter playing indoor soccer and NO ONE TOLD ME!!" - she sounds like a wonderfull caring woman!!!!!



Get a life, please, it makes me sick to my stomach reading all this bullshit. if you got divorced, leave that crap in the past.



report me all you want people, but I think you are just a jealous bitter woman who cant stand competition.

Answer 11

Oh my goodness, my step mom used to do that, but it was worse, she wont stop, my mom had to take her to court cas it got to the point where she would take my ****

Answer 12

you need to sort out what the rules about the kids are going to be with their FATHER in private



as for how she acts with him that's THEIR business

Answer 13

Dont divorce next time, or if he divorced dont marry a playboy.