Is it legit for my husband to want privacy on his phone? Or should i know his passwords?

Question

Are social media apps appropriate for 
a 37 year old? How can i get him to be an open book with it, other than snooping thru it without him knowing. 

Answer 1

Leave his phone alone, because he is probably chatting with women.  If you have a phone too, then you should start chatting with a few horny guys and see what might interest you.. I bet he's getting some from other women.  It happened to us and not we ar enjoying an open relationship.  It's working out great for both of us.

Answer 2

OK, without even reading the answers, I know there will be many people screaming that if he has nothing to hide, then he should give you his passwords.  Those people are all wrong.  I have many friends (guy friends) who communicate with me on various social media apps.  From time to time, they confide in me stuff that they definitely WOULD NOT WANT MY WIFE TO KNOW.  (If I was still married, that is)  If I was married and shared my passwords openly with my wife, that would be disrespectful to a lot of people.  It would be a betrayal of many friendships.  While a husband and wife should generally have no secrets from each other ABOUT each other, that does not mean that a wife is automatically entitled to know everything that her husband knows.  And that goes the other way, also.  If I was still married and had full access to my wife's phone, I wouldn't be snooping through her texts or social media apps.  It's not my business.



But here is what you need to understand.  Take this to heart.  Either you trust your spouse, or you don't.  The cell phone?  It's not a part of your marriage.  DO YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND?  It's a simple answer.  Yes, or No.



Yes, I DO trust my husband.  No, you are a liar.  If you trusted your husband, you wouldn't be asking if it's legit for your husband to want privacy.  That is a GIVEN.



NO, I DO NOT trust my husband.  Yeah, we know that, because you want to spy on him by snooping through his cell phone, which is never a good idea.  So why the frick did you marry him?



If you don't trust your husband (and deep down in your heart, you really do not) then your marriage is going to fail.  Yes, it's going to fail.  And it doesn't matter whether you get access to his cell phone, or not.  Men (and women too) can't live their entire lives under an umbrella of suspicion.  Soon he'll get tired of your jealous, insecure behavior.  And then he'll divorce you, so that he can marry an adult.  

Answer 3

Who bought the phone? Who pays the bill? His phone, his choice, same with you and your phone.

Answer 4

He should be open. If there was nothing to hide, not a big deal

 

Answer 5

keep your sticky beak out of his space, we are all allowed some privacy in life, respect it.

Answer 6

It is none of your business LADY!

Answer 7

I see everyone is all this saying if it’s private he’s upto something, everyone has a right to privacy it’s a human right, express your feeling to him he doesn’t have to show you but if he’s nothing to hide he won’t be bothered my partner has Facebook etc and I don’t have any but doesn’t mean I constantly check up on her, seems you have trust issues

Answer 8

if you're married legally then there should be no secrets. He should and you should also be an open book. Sounds like you might need to part ways 

Answer 9

You should get yourself a phone and do the same thing he is doing. Show him that 2 can play that game. Find out how to lock you and keep it locked.

Answer 10

You should have some type of arrangement in case yourself or himself dies to be able to get at your respective accounts\devices.  However maybe it's something in a sealed envelope if he's the privacy obsessed type.  Social media apps are used by all ages, so that alone is perfectly normal.    Demanding passwords\access is tricky with someone who doesn't want to cooperate, but there are a lot of other ways to tell if he's up to something inappropriate.   It's also important to say if he is trying to hide something and he thinks you are watching him like a hawk, he will go to great lengths to hide it, so in my experience it's always better to let them think you are completely ignorant and trusting so if they do something bad they will be more likely to leave evidence.  This is also why if it's something commonplace like porn or a innocuous "how's it going" kind of conversion with someone you don't like you find while snooping it's better to keep your mouth shut, so he doesn't know you are watching, which sometimes is very hard.   You can also possibly get ahold of  detailed phone usage through your cell phone service provider online and if you see hours long activity with a number you don't know you may have an issue.



Behaviors to be aware of:

1.  Disabled Text previews on their phone.  (text messages not readable on lock screen) (this by itself isn't enough as a lot of people do this anyway)

2.   Immediately jumps for the phone to get a text message or call when you are around and then finds somewhere more private to answer.

3.  Answering messages at odd hours and making an extra effort to hide the screen from you.

4.  Disappearing for long periods of time to take phone calls at odd hours.

5.  When you do get access to his phone large amounts of messages will have been deleted even though you know he's been on it all day.

6. Running basic errands will commonly take hours longer than they should with no logical explanation.  



Any single one of these is probably just circumstantial, but if you start checking off every one then he's up to something.  At the end of the day there's nothing you can do to stop him, but you can at least be aware to make a decision to stay or leave.  

Answer 11

It's integral to a person's sense of self to be able to have some private spaces, even if those spaces are digital. Unless you have some inkling he's up to no good (in which case you should talk to him about it), just back off. Yes, 37 year-olds engage in social media. He IS a Millennial after all ;-)

Answer 12

My wife and I have the same password on our phones.  So should every married couple.

Answer 13

Its an issue of trust.  There is no relationship if there is no trust.  You can't trust if you know everything.  But by not knowing you are then able trusting in him.  Your call to have a healthy trusting relationship or NOT.

Answer 14

Well shoot!  He is your husband, ain't he?  How long have you known each other before you got married?  If he doesn't trust you and you don't trust him then why did you get married?  Did your own parents ever want that kind of privacy from each other?  Probably not unless they were having marital problems.



The fact that he wants privacy on his phone could be a possible red flag and mean he's trying to hide something from you.  (Like all those text messages between him and his mistress.)

Answer 15

Hiding his passwords is a huge red flag for me. I don't think there can be intimacy if people aren't open books with their phones and computers. it's also fair to assume that many people who are secretive about this have something to hide.



I honestly think the people who've said they don't bother with their SO phone are in horribly said relationships. If my husband was like that I would be very upset. It has nothing to do with trust I trust my husband 100% it's the lack of intimacy that would bother me. Also I trust my husband cos he keeps no secrets and part of it is not keeping his password from me.



It has nothing to do with insecurity either. I am very secure in my marriage and my husbands love. I honestly think some people are walkovers and they know their partners flirt with other people and probably cheat but they know letting their partners walk all over them is how they keep their partners with them so they don't even try to complain.



I'm not saying your bf is a cheat maybe he is just indoctrinated with bad relationships dogma cos he grew up in and round bad relationships.  

Answer 16

I never thought to ask my husband for his passwords, because his phone is his phone, and vice versa.  What I'm reading is that you don't trust your husband.  If he hasn't given you any reason to doubt his fidelity, then leave him alone.  That's kind of like wanting privacy in the bathroom.  You're being childish.

Answer 17

If you need to do this then you don't trust him. Clearly you should end the relationship.

Answer 18

I've been with the same guy for about nine years. I don't bother with his phone, have never touched it. He doesn't bother mine, either. It's not even a curiosity of mine. I know he looks at porn, collects porn GIFs and more (because he's emailed me some he found interesting or funny). Who cares?



And his texts and conversations are not something i need to be involved in. Mine are my private conversations, as well.



I don't mistrust him. If he talks to other women sometimes, he does. I'm not so insecure that i sit around thinking or worrying about it. He's with me.



Sometimes men do chat with other women - it's all about seeing if they've still "got it" and if there might be potential interest from the female. It's usually about fantasy and fun, nothing more, especially if the guy is devoted to you and your relationship. I'm sure you can tell whether yours is by the way he treats you.

Maybe leave well enough alone.

Answer 19

If he doesn't want you to see it then it's something he shouldn't be doing and he doesn't want you to know about it

Answer 20

None of your business, how would you like it if he snooped all through your phone!

Answer 21

People have a right to privacy, you snooping around is a real crime. It’s not normal to be so obsessed with other peoples messges and phones, get counceling and stop violating his human rights.

Answer 22

Your husband is your partner, not your property, so yes he's entitled to have privacy on his phone, computer and any other device he uses. if you don't agree with this, it's time for you to think hard if this is the hill you want your marriage to die on.

What kind of social media apps are we talking about? tinder? of c that is not appropiate. Facebook? instagram? twitter? most adults (even seniors!) have them.

He doesn't owe you the access to everything he does or has just because he's married to you. If you need to snoop through his things you don't trust him, and if you don't trust him why are you married to him? You don't make sense.

Control yourself and stop obsessing over your husband's privacy.

Answer 23

Let's see... how about... ASK HIM.  Simply ask him why (in a non-accusatory, non-confrontational way) he keeps his phone private from you, and LISTEN to his answer.  The answer should be coherent and make sense - whether you agree with the reasoning or not.  If the answer is incomplete, doesn't make sense, or if the question is deflected, he's hiding something -- likely something that might worry you, hurt you, or get you mad.  On the otherhand, consider whether you actually have any real reason/evidence to worry about it or if you're just insecure.  Admitting distrust towards a mate hardly ever ends up fixing anything.  

Answer 24

Why the hell do you need to know what he does on his social media accounts? He's not your adolescent child.

Answer 25

Yes even married you both still have private independent lives outside your marriage for example when you go to work.



It would be a massive intrusion of his privacy if you were snooping through his phone, laptop and emails.



Just because he has social media doesn't mean he is up to no good or having an affair.



I use my phone and laptop to access facebook, email and other social media.



My wife has never asked for my passwords but once she asked why I was so occupied on my laptop so I showed her and she was bored to tears.



I was talking to people from all over the world I will never meet, male and female about sport, music and politics.



She is always on her phone or laptop doing the same and I wouldn't dream of asking her for access. 

Answer 26

If you are that mistrustful without reason then you have a bigger problem than him being on social media. I think he is right. If he is cheating do you think you are going to stop it by seeing his phone? Do you plan to police him into fidelity? People need some personal space, even in a relationship.

Answer 27

Then you must also then have to be an open book and giving him free reign to everything that is on your phone as well.



However, that is how identity theft starts. What would prevent either of you from posting on the other's social media sites whatever you want or post on other people's sites impersonating the other?

Answer 28

There is no age limit that states a person is too old to keep in touch with people through Twitter or Facebook. Most would consider it too old to use snap chat and other apps that mostly kids use but still there is no age limit. People of all ages can use social media apps appropriately and inappropriately.

Answer 29

Wanting privacy is legit.



Not wanting your husband to be secretive is also legit.



It sounds like there are some trust issues in this relationship.    I think the phone/passwords are the least of your problems.



My spouse and I have a place where we store ALL our passwords to EVERYTHING.   You never know when one of us might need that stuff such as if the other were seriously ill, injured or even died unexpectedly.   However, we do not "snoop" in each others' stuff, nor do we feel the desire/urge to.   If I want to know who is blowing up my wife's phone, I ask her.    If someone is sending her a bunch of texts and she's out with her horse, I walk her phone out to her.  I look at nothing. 



You might want to look up "Pursuer-Distancer".   The more nosy, curious and suspicious you get, the more annoyed and secretive he is likely to become.  Does that mean he's doing something wrong?    Maybe yes, maybe no.    But it certainly indicates that you don't trust him which can very easily destroy a marriage. 



Consider couples therapy before this gets worse than it is. 

Answer 30

You either trust your partner or you don't. It's that simple. That's true for online interactions as well as in real life. He's 37. He's a grown up, who is in full control of his own actions. He'll either act appropriately or he won't. Social media has nothing to do with it. If your partner wants to fvck someone else, they'll find a way to do it with or without the internet. 

Answer 31

Gov't is killing you with high frequency electricity.Theotokos Virgin Mary gave prayers to "Schema-nun Antonia" on how to save aborted babies from hell. If you pray these prayers diligently, aborted babies are released from hell. On each painted nail there are 40 demons. Smoking is censer to the devil.Using foul language calls upon Pagan deities (aka demons); Holy Spirit departs on 7 meters. People who use drugs see demons who cleverly disguise themselves as ghosts and aliens.America will be last country to switch to Euro (antichrist's world currency). Contraceptives = abortion;using contraceptives for 1 year = 5 aborted kids.Miscarriages happen because of high heels; cesarean because of tight pants (second generation cesarean will be infertile).Unbaptized aborted/miscarried/unborn babies burn in hell for until Final Judgement; if pregnant, keep the kid and deliver at home because kids are chipped using IVs and vaccines in hospitals. Dentists and doctors chip patients secretly. 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Lipstick contains cells of aborted fetuses, dog fat, and placenta; human flesh is in McDonalds, Pepsi, toothpaste, antiaging, anticancer, vaccines, perfume, etc.; that's why you should not be using anything that modern society has to offer. You're better off hiding within a 10-12 people group in order to escape Apocalypse. During Apocalypse, Chrtistians will eat dirt from under pussywillowtree as it's filled with tears of Theotokos Virgin Mary; this water will flee if a 666ed person tries to get it. Barcode is Druid black magic curse; QRcode is Mayan curse; when food is scanned, it becomes dead because laser is a substance from demons. Don't go into a UFO to be healed by demons. Green 666 is given by isotope rays on wrist or forehead when people stretch hands to receive small plastic grey card with no name on it (World Passport). 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Answer 32

So what if your his wife? Your husband is entitled to privacy just as you are. You shouldnt need his password and snopping gets you in trouble. Your relationship will be ruined if you take away his privacy. I have a feeling you want his passwords because you are in secure, cant truust him, and to see everyone he talks to so you can blow it outta propertion. You are a trouble maker. Just like my friend. If u wanna keep your man mind your own business.

Answer 33

Are you really so insecure that you have to go through his phone....wow



I never tough my mates phone or wallet because I want the same respect.



I have a simple rule, it's stated at first but, always standing...you are toast if you cheat and if you cheat I can't trust you.  The relationship is done.



I think you need a hobby.

Answer 34

Both of you have to have privacy. It is a matter of trust. If he wants to cheat on you, he will have his ways to do it even if you know the passwords of his phone and social media. If you ask for his passwords, it means you don’t trust him, which might have a negative effect on him. Have confidence in yourself and be secure. Knowing his passwords will not make him faithful if he doesn’t want to be one.

Answer 35

Look my last relationship the guy was very understanding and wanted us both to always have trust in each other. So we both communicated and agreed to leave everything logged in and the second anyone of us felt something was up we would just ask for the phone at any given time and we had no time to delete nothing. Never did find anything so I was a happy camper. 

Answer 36

My wife knew all my passwords and I hers. We had nothing to hide from each other.

If we wanted to check each others phones or other accounts we were free to do so. 

Secrets in a marriage will eventually cause problems.

Answer 37

Trust is extremely needed and basic in a marriage. The fact that you don't trust him is a red flag, either because of what he's doing, or your own inherent mistrust, or both reasons.  Tell him that it worries and bothers you, and ask that he be open about his phone to put your mind and heart at ease. Do you have other reasons for mistrusting him?  I think , that in this particular situation, that he should be more open than would normally be necessary, just for you to feel better.   

Answer 38

If you are arguing about whether you should have his passwords, the trust is already gone and the marriage is on its way out. There are many reasons why he might not want you looking at his phone (porn, e.g.) even if he's not cheating or planning to cheat. Only you can decide if it is worth risking your marriage over this.

Answer 39

Anyone that doesn't want their spouse to see what they have on their phone has something to hide.

By the same token, snooping through someone's phone is abuse.

Phones cause a lot of trouble.

Answer 40

I could care less what my husband writes on social media, I have no reason to believe he's "up to something".  Also, I don't have time.  You need a hobby or something else to keep you occupied other than obsessing over his social media apps. 

Answer 41

Yes, it is legitimate he wants privacy on his phone, if that is the way he has always been.

I am married over 30 years and have no idea what my husband's phone lock code is, nor do i care. He knows mine simply because he shows me how to do things on the phone, and I don't have client sensitive work apps on mine.

Answer 42

I don't know my 41 year old husband's passwords to anything, and in almost 18 years I've never snooped in his social media, email, private messages, texts, or anything else. The only time I use his phone is either when I've lost mine in the house somewhere and need to call it, or he's left his alarm on again and I need to turn it off. He doesn't keep any of these things from me or forbid me from accessing them, but he doesn't have to because I have no desire to. It's called trust.

Answer 43

Yes it is, and if he wants you to know his passwords he will tell you. Otherwise leave him alone.  

Answer 44

It depends on the nature of your relationship. If each of you is able to have complete privacy in some respect, like with her/his phone, then it would be legit, but, if each of you is expected to be completely open and honest (meaning no secrets), then this would not be legit and would be cause for suspicion at best.