Everything that could go wrong, is going wrong!?

Question

In December of 2008 my fiance popped the question. We planned the wedding for Oct. 2009 but a few months in we pushed the date back a year because we decided we wanted to buy a house. We had already met with caterers, florist, dj's, reception halls, etc, etc and signed with everyone to reserve our date. The same week that we closed on our house (Aug 09) I got hurt at work. I thought it was a pulled muscle, so I didn't make a big stink. I worked for a few more weeks and it just kept getting worse and worse, until the chiropractor sent me to a surgeon. I had to quit working approx. end of Sept 09. So, now we are signed with all these vendors and I am out of work. I have to have surgery Dec 09 and Workers Comp denies my claim. So I have to pay all the medical bills too! I did see a lawyer and there was nothing to be done. So I file for unemployment. I was denied that as well. I took a job with The Pampered Chef. work when I feel well enough, most work is making phone calls and sending emails, so thats good. Also my in laws said they would help with some of the expenses for the wedding. Today my in laws tell us that FIL just lost his job. How could I possibly ask them to pay for anything now. Two of my bridesmaids backed out and had to be replaced. One of my bridemaids and one of the groomsmen are married, until tonight when she left him. It's a wreck. Is this all a sign or what?

So I have no idea how I am going to pay for the vendors, we have scaled back as much as possible.

We are probably out another BM & GM.

We have already pushed the wedding back a year.

What else can I do. Is this marriage doomed?

Answer 1

If you and your husband truly love one another, the size of the wedding is irrelevant. Cancel all those vendors (yes, you'll have to pay some fees but it will be cheaper than going through with a big ceremony you really can't afford).



Your marriage isn't doomed unless you let it start under pressure by forcing yourself into a situation that simply won't work.

Answer 2

As far as the vendors, that's what the deposit was for. Cancel what you can't afford to pay, mail an apology letter to your guests and explain that unexpected circumstances have come up to make you guys reschedule the wedding and deal with what you can at the moment. Sometimes, everything goes to sh*t at once but that has nothing to do with how your marriage is going to go. As long as you stick together during this hard time, then you'll be fine. A few set backs doesn't mean your not "meant to be"... Take a deep breath and have a glass of wine or something. Your family and friends will understand and although you won't get your deposits back from the vendors (or even tho you'll have to pay a small fee) you will be spending way less than pushing yourselves to get married when you aren't financially stable enough.



Ps. If your SO worried about getting married, have a civil ceremony to make it legal with just your parents and siblings and then have a reception with everyone, like you originally wanted, later on when you can afford it.

Answer 3

Traci, you are making a common mistake.

You are placing the importance of your wedding on the same level as your marriage.

Too many brides see the wedding (which is essentially nothing more than a great big party) as what defines their marriage.

But in todays world many couples have already gone ahead and taken their relationship well beyond the beginning stages of a marriage long before the wedding ever takes place, and you seem to be no different since you and your fiance have already purchased a house together.



So you are experiencing some tough times. Couples go through things like this all of the time, and it can strike at any stage of the relationship.

I was recently laid off from my job just as my wife and I had committed financially to a large and expensive renovation on our home. Did that give us cause to question our marriage of 38 years, and take it as a sign that our time together was doomed? No!

We are working through our problems together, and finding ways to make things work to our satisfaction TOGETHER.



If your marriage is doomed because of some difficultied with the wedding plans then it was never meant to be in the first place.

Answer 4

I am also a newlywed and I understand your frustration with wanting a nice wedding and reception, but also the sacrifice it takes to scale back a bit. I was faced with this problem and although all turned out well in the end my mindset had gone from horse and carriage to city hall...lol... but it does not have to be that drastic! I'd say marry now for the sake of marriage then plan for your big wedding when you are more able to afford the things you really desire...Good luck

Answer 5

Marriage is about being together forever; not the ceremony. Yes, all us girls want a huge ceremony, but the ceremony truly is the life you live after the wedding. Just think of all these little conundrums a test to your commitment to each other. If you can pull through this little things together, that makes your love that much stronger. Then, you will be able to jump bigger hurdles together.



Don't give up, especially on each other. Debrou noc!

Answer 6

Simply, marriage is least of all about the wedding. Do you want to marry the man or have a party? i'm not trying to be cruel, but it's only one day and to allow that to be more important than your relationship with him would make anyone wonder if this is for real.



Me? i'd go to the courthouse tomorrow and start my life - unless, of course, the wedding IS my life.



Sincerely, gentle thoughts...

Answer 7

Perhaps your marriage isn't doomed but your decision making is certainly questionable. Why anybody would purchase a home before marriage then count on things that aren't properly accounted for is beyond logic. Hopefully your question will show others how not to arrange a marriage and lifestyle before they write a check their butts can't cash.

Answer 8

Hmmm...according to possibility we're not as on top of problems with issues as we expect of. I examine this non secular text cloth as quickly as that proclaims "Human issues are no longer solved by skill of human movements." So what if issues are in simple terms fated to be? each so often that is stable, each so often that is undesirable. according to possibility by way of fact we are so busy in our heads attempting to parent issues out and make issues take place that we expect of we are the clarification for the effect as quickly as we're not. Hmmm...that easily could clarify the way you may desire to doubt your self on something plenty and nonetheless have a stunning 2d that reinforces your ego in some unspecified time sooner or later. i do in comparison to the place this is going. i'm surely massive on manifesting one's desires. i think of i could be quite upset if i found out that each little thing I artwork so stressful to make take place became into going to take place besides whether I had in simple terms stayed on the sofa. ;D

Answer 9

to be honest, your marriage isn't doomed if you really love each other no matter what. but i think your wedding plans aren't gonna go as you would like them to.

Answer 10

http://offbeatbride.com/



check out that wedding for different, do it yourself and less expensive wedding options. Its a pretty cool site.