Why do people get divorced the minute they feel they aren't compatible instead of working things out?

Question

At least try, dammit.

Answer 1

Because our society has become lazy. We don't want to put effort into anything. If our kids get into trouble, it's because of tv and there's nothing we can do. If it's hard to find a job, quit trying and rely on welfare. And if you don't have the perfect fairy-tale marriage, quit and find another one.

Answer 2

people dont the minute things arent compatible. Most stay in a bad marriage for many years befor deciding on divorce. You have absolutely no idea about the details of these peoples lives. Getting a divorce was by far the hardest thing Ive ever done, I in no way took it lightly.

Answer 3

No fault divorce laws passed in the 60s and 70s as the result of the women's movement made it easy for people to just bug out when times got uncomfortable.



Many people attempt to walk away from problems, but problems follow them. They blame others and often the focus is on the spouse as they are generally the easiest target.



I believe divorce like abortion should be rare and only in cases of Infidelity or abuse.



Here is my take, people marry for a reason, generally it's because they "love" each other. I believe often people fail to kindle and keep alive in relationships because they lose "that feeling". Love is not a feeling, it is an action. It is doing each day what is needed. Sometimes I am really pissed at my wife, "pre-that-time-o-da-month" is generally the worst. And I know I drive her nutz as well at time. The trick is to get through those times.



We made a pact after we had some hard times several years ago that included a separation, divorce and remarriage to not ever get to that point again, so we work on it. we go on dates once a week without kids, try and talk throughout the day and make sure we connect.



The problem with divorce is generally it doesn't resolve a person's own character problems that lead to it to begin with.



There are no guarantees. But the point is to keep one foot in front of the other and keep moving.



My grandparents and parents have both celebrated 50 yrs. I know my folks don't always get along. My mom drives dad crazy at times with her activities.



Marriage is a one day at a time activity as well. in this world we live in too many people live in yesterday or live in tomorrow and p*ss on today.

Answer 4

for various reasons, to start with; the modality now a days is: If they love me , they have to accept me the way I am, instead of saying if I love this person, I'm gonna get rid of the things that are not beneficial for us. They don't get married thinking is for life, they say well... if it doesn't work I can always get a divorce, they don't think is bad or inappropriate to keep flirting ( including chatting) with strangers, and they let the door wide open for chances of infidelity, and laws don't punish that, on the other hand they get better off after the divorce, even when they didn't bring anything to it. People is confused regarding their roles as woman and men and that even though they don't recognize it, makes them uncomfortable in the relationship and that leads to fights and misunderstandings. And finally because people doesn't start protecting they marriages before they start having problems because they are "so in love" and they don't see anything wrong, they start investing time and ears to it when the damage is done, instead of protecting they are only reacting to the problems.

Answer 5

We in America at least have been conditioned to think that we should get our way.

Our culture is shallow and we emphasis hedonistic values.

"What's in it for me?" and, "I deserve more!"

The media compounds this with image after image of men cheating, women fantasizing about men other than her spouse, sexual and beautiful people and the thought that life is short and we deserve more.

Unfortunately, Marriage is a vow to share, work and support each other thru this maze called life.

We forget this vow when times are good,taking our spouse for granted, we forget how to act and resentments build over many issues.

I also think that we spread ourselves so thin these days that our partners are not as important because we don't have time to reinforce the marriage.

Answer 6

It's because we live in a society that preaches a me first mentality, saying that you have to look out for number 1, instead of putting your spouse and their feelings and needs before your own. Also we are in a throw away society that says if your not happy, look for something better, people see the first signs of trouble in their marriage and instead of actually working at it to improve it, they would rather walk away, and most times are more miserable than they were before they divorced and later regret it.



Also people go into marrige not really knowing the person they are getting married to. They are so excited about getting married that they don't truely know the person they get married to intimatly. And when I say that I don't mean sexually, what it means is they don't know them deeply and know them well.



I think if people took the time to really get to know their partner before they get married, and worked hard at making their marriage work, especially when conflicts arise in their marriage, they need to work hard to resolve these conflicts instead of running away from them.



I agree, people at least need to try.



And I agree with some of the others, we have gotten lazy where we expect things to be done for us instead of doing them ourselves.



Hope that this helps.



Take care and God Bless

Answer 7

It's not usually the minute they realize they are incompatible. What normally happens is that there is a long build-up of things until one person finally has the guts to say, "Wow, I was so blind and wrong to marry you - you are NOTHING like you were when we were dating. I made a HUGE mistake and can't stand to be near you." At that point they have a decision to make: stick it out and try to make it work, or realize that they fell victim to infatuation and didn't really mean their vows.

Answer 8

Every girl wants the white wedding and their special day.



Unfortunately most don't plan for the future before they plan for their wedding. I mean ask the hard questions, make decisions about money, children and goals in life and how they will achieve them before the big day. Its hard work and the aura of "love" allows us all to discard reality when going for the gold band.



And finally, most people regard things in life as disposable. If it doesn't work on the first try, take it back and get something better.



I realize divorce should be the final painful option for married couples who are not getting along, but unless one of you totally beat the crap out of the other mentally or physically or one of you has cheated...you haven't worked on your marriage hard enough to let it go.

Answer 9

The kind of advice you get on sites such as this dont help either: 'Dump', 'run', 'kick out'. Divorce is so convinient these days, for some, there is a ton of money to be made and some realise that they cant live up to the responsibilites of being married anymore: not have sex with another person, pay bills etc.

Answer 10

People rarely divorce for no reason at all. Life is too short to be miserable. People used to have to stay in miserable marriages as they had no other options. Now they do. You see many responses touting the "good ol' traditional days" and I can tell you that there was nothing good about the traditional days according to my grandparents, great aunts and the like. Many of them were not allowed to work outside the home and were trapped in crappy marriages. The only relief they got is when their spouses died. That is a shame and sad. I'd much rather live in culture where divorce is rampant than in one where people are trapped with no way out.

Answer 11

Because people who enter into marriage do not take time to know each other very well. People rush into marriage because they see their friends getting marriage then at the end of day the once unseparable couples becomes enemies. i also think that in a marriage one person would have to be a fool to ensure peace and understanding in the marriage, but here is the case everybody thinks the he or she is the master. Word of God says What God has put together let no man put asunder. God have mercy on us.

Answer 12

if i am wrong i am sorry ! but the way your question is worded , it sounds like your parents are going thru a divorce !we can put the blame on alot of things here . from society to lazy parents unwilling to try. the blame does not lie with you ! dont let anyone tell you it was !i hope you allready know this much! allmost everyone now has gone thru it, and i felt the same way you do."why cant you at least try?"it was a question i asked of both my parents and never got an answer!all you can do now is pray that they will be able to work it out. knowing that it may be far to late . pray that you dont ever have to put your kids thru it, as mine may never go thru it as well . im sorry

Answer 13

people get into marriages now a days thinking that if it doesnt work out, they can get divorced. The concept of marriage has gone down because of that. People have even told that to me, which to me is rather insulting cause my parents divorced like 6 years ago and it was really hard for me to get over that, and I really dont want to go through that situation.

Answer 14

people don't do that at an impulse... in relationships, people outside of it doesn't see the innermost hurt or pain, and even the real love within them. They get divorced not bcoz they lost the love , but they somewhat lost the hope and inspiration to strive on working harder to keep the marriage. they just forgot the cause of their marriage, they have forgotten the love that made their marriage come to life, it is a sad thing...

Answer 15

Because too many people enter into marriage as casually as they exit it.



Most people feel entitled to happiness in thier marriage and this is actually a huge mistake. Happiness is a blessing that comes from putting in the hard work and compromise.



Also, people are takers more often than not now. A boss I once had gave me great advice years ago... She said: Marriage is often thought of as a 50/50 arrangement. But most often it's not. You both have to be prepared to give 100%. Examples of these types of relationships are when you see one person who has deteriorated due to some disease and their spouse takes care of them faithfully giving and never recieving.



In order to Have the ideal spouse, you have to BE the ideal spouse... think about it.

Answer 16

Have you ever been through a divorce?I don't know what kind of people that you are around but most people get divorced when all other attempts have failed..Divorce is usually the last option.

Answer 17

because there is usually someone else in the marriage, giving ultimatums, tugging at someones heartstrings, plus some people would rather walk away than admit they were part of the problem, much easier on ones ego if they just blame the other guy. when someone has someone else they can't see their spouse anymore as anything worthy.

Answer 18

Well,unfortunately, it's 2007....it is a hell of a lot easier nowadays to spend $99 dollars on a divorce then thousands of dollars on marriage therapy to actually fix the problems and make it work..........

also, remember too......back in the day, when people stayed married for 25 years....they died before they had a chance to be unhappy................

due to the miracles of modern medicine, we now live until we are 100.

this means that those long 25 years just turned into a 50 year commitment.....

people do not realize the type of commitment it takes to have a successful marriage.............people get married before they actually know themselves, and then when they finally figure out who they are......they just want to share it with someone else who feels or acts more the same...........yes, it's true marriage today sux

All I can say is .....PLEASE KNOW YOURSELF BEFORE YOU COMMIT YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE

Answer 19

In this day and age they do. I think you can find a reason to divorce anyone. Just because we are all different we are bound to get on our spouses nerves. In the same breath you can find a reason (one little reason) to stay together and work it out! I totally agree with you..AT LEAST TRY!!!!

Answer 20

Because too many people rush into getting married the minute they 'think' they are in love. and they start so young. most people these days want everything in an instant. right now. they don't take the time to get to know one another. and I'm not talking like a few months...i'm talking like a few years (two at the least). That's why. most people don't realize that relationships TAKE TIME. and i mean take lots of time to form. you cannot rush a relationship. that's why the divorce rate is higher than the marriage rate. so if you want a good relationship...take your time. what's the rush anyway? you have all the time in the world.

Answer 21

When the other person doesn't want to put in the effort to try and work thru the hard times you just can't make them. Both ppl have to try and make it work. Just one side working doesn't make a marriage.

Answer 22

Have you ever been divorced? It's usually a last resort. It's also extremely painful. Very few people go through it on a whim.

Answer 23

True, they should try to work it out but most people do try. most do not just throw it away the min theres trouble. its not easy! theres alot of cheaters (men and women) some people just realize they dont have to go through life unhappy

Answer 24

becasue it is the easy way oput, people hate conflict and it easier to get divorced then to work things out. they know it wouldnt happen overnight that it would be a never ending process so they bail at the first sign of trouble. thats why divorce rate is so high. people get married for the wrong reasons and then fall back on the court systems to bail them out. its absurd

Answer 25

Because of no-fault divorce laws and greedy amoral lawyers. It also has a lot to do with the complete collapse of traditional values in America. It's a fun time isn't it?

Answer 26

Pride makes it easier to walk away and believe that the demise of your marriage was really actually the other one's fault rather than bearing equal blame and taking equal responsibility to fix things up.

Answer 27

Cause we are told by society that we must always be happy. Not that true happiness comes from trying and working through things.

Answer 28

Why do people marry people they aren't compatible with in the fist place?



It's a better question. Think about it.

Answer 29

Didn't you know that DIVORCE keeps LAWYERS happy. But seriously far to many people get MARRIED before they even know the person they are marrying. Sad but TRUE.

Answer 30

It is easier to divorce than to work it out.... working it out means "you" and "me" have problems... not just you, and most people don't like to look in the mirror that hard... besides, people feel "if we work on it it still might not work" What a cop out!!!!

Answer 31

Look at all the talk shows and tv programs. They all say if you're not happy why are you staying? And we all have the right to be happy no matter what the cost. It's a "all about me" world now.

Answer 32

It's because they are too lazy to put in the hard work that it takes to make a marriage a good one.

Answer 33

I agree with you. Today people just bolt. Lazy, whiny people who dont feel like truly cultivating a long term relationship.

Answer 34

Because our society places what "feels" good, "do whats best for you", and " you have to follow your heart" over concepts like honer, commitment, duty, integrity, sacrifice, respect and self respect, unity, compassion, righteousness, morality, and character.



Boy, wouldn't our grandparents be proud?

Answer 35

Because they shouldn't have been married in the first place.

Answer 36

too much cheating going on

Answer 37

We all have a tendency to panic when things do not go right.

Answer 38

it's a throwaway world

Answer 39

Because they didnt believe it was going to work from the beginning!

Answer 40

Coz the are bored of each other , and think they that they can do much better than their partner .



Hope this answered your question.

Answer 41

they don believe it will work.

Answer 42

because personal freedom is priceless....