My husband and I haven't had sex in 7 months. Any suggestions?

Question

We have been married 7 years. During a fight he told me it was because I had gained weight. I'm 5'10, 185lbs. I know I'm overweight. It has made me really resentful since he said that to me. I work 2 jobs, do everything in the world for him. Is it reallyall about the physical attraction? I see alot of people bigger than me that have some one showing them attention. I would appreciate suggestions. It really makes me want to talk to someone that will make me feel good about myself again.

Answer 1

I know that 5'10", 185 pounds is technically overweight, but I'll bet you actually don't look that pudgy. (Speaking as someone who is six inches shorter and, cough-cough, has a few pounds on you. And whose husband hasn't had, um, problems with the fat issue in the bedroom.)



I don't think the not having sex is about the weight per se. He might prefer you a little thinner, but what he said strikes me as the kind of thing someone might toss out in the heat of anger.



Sex can be kind of a thermometer for the health of a marriage. There are lots of reasons couples quit having sex - physical problems, control issues or stress in the marriage, getting bored. You may be able to figure out some of what's going on in your particular situation if you think back to what's happened in the last few years. For example, did the sex sort of taper off in quality and quantity? Are the two of you having money or kid issues? What kinds of things are hot buttons for the two of you other than sex?



A frank, non-accusatory discussion with your husband about your marriage might be in order. A good place to start might be seeing a therapist. Often men are leery of seeing therapists because they don't want to be ganged up on by their wife and the therapist, or they don't want to be dunned with complaints. They also tend to not enjoy discussions about "the relationship". But see if you can get him to go - explain to him that you really just want the marriage to work, and this isn't so much about who's right or wrong.



If he won't, try to go yourself. The therapist may have some ideas for things you can do or try yourself, or some idea about what's really going on. And yes, the therapist can also help you work on feeling good about yourself again, which is incredibly important - not only do you deserve that, but if you don't feel good about yourself, it's going to be hard to do anything positive about your marriage.



Good luck!

Answer 2

It's called shallowness. I am 190 when my hubby and I met 8 years ago I was 159. If you work 2 jobs to support him and those type things there is a big problem. You have the right to be resentful as well. When you got married you said the vows. I'm sure he isn't going to be much better. Honey if you feel happy with your weight then good. My hubby loves me for all I am. Yeah, well the not having sex is probably because he made you feel bad. Do you have children? That doesn't make losing weight any easier. Bigger isn't always bad. As long as you are healthy and fit what is wrong with being on the heavier side. I am healthier than some thinner women. You should not let some prick make you feel bad because he doesn't like changes. If he wasn't going to accept changes he should have thought twice about getting married. :) Sry, my hubby tells me every day I am the most beautiful woman on the planet.

Answer 3

Of course it's all about physical attraction - always has been, always will be. And yes, you are way overweight. However, it is his responsibility just as well as yours to confront the problem, get it out in the open, and deal with it like two civilized adults. You are married, till death do you part. You made a covenant with God so there is always a way to work it out. Get serious and get positive - stop waiting for someone else to make a move or offer solution. You do it. Diet, work out, loose that weight and regain your true beauty. It is not okay to be big - it is unhealthy and unsightly. It is not okay to be a jerk about it, either, so if he's not confronting the issue then be brave enough to confront him with it. Do it now - stop waiting.

Answer 4

Sounds like 7-year itch, you need to rev this up and fast. Start having a date night once a week, with no expectation of sex. Agree that you will just get dressed up to the max, go out for dinner and flirt like crazy, go clubbing or other fun things. Talk about the memories you have of good times and things you did, and said to each other. Then when you come home just cuddle, and kiss on the sofa with a glass of wine, then off to bed for more cuddling. I bet if you do this a few times, you will start to want to have sex at the end of the night. Just discuss this first and then make sure both of you agree to give it your all.

Answer 5

Well, maybe you could lose some weight. Men are visual when it comes to sexual arousal. I don't think it means he doesnt love you though.



Don't be mad and resentful at him if you have put on a noticable amount of weight. Reverse the tables.



It does not mean you are not a good, loving person but you are talking about sexual attraction in this question not love. Keep the problem in context. Stop doing everything for him and don't "chase him". If he thinks its easy he wont want it.

Answer 6

Wow...umm...well...



DON'T CHEAT! That won't help the situation at all. Talking to him is probably the best thing to do if you want to remedy this situation. You don't want to make him feel like he has to have sex with you, because if you use that approach, it won't be too beneficial. He'll either still not have sex with you, or he'll do it and neither one of you will like it.



If the issue is about actually getting HIM to have sex with you, then there's a lot of ways to approach that. Be creative. Make it interesting for both of you...



If you just want sex PERIOD, then get some toys and have fun! lol



But be sure to let him know how you feel. If that doesn't work, it might be time to reevaluate your situation.



Good luck and God bless.



P.S. Being 5'10" and 185 lbs. really isn't that bad at all. I'm sure you are still as gorgeous as the day he met you.

Answer 7

That just pisses me off !! He should love u for u (whats inside) not out!! At first looks are inportant but in the end love should be all it takes. I've been married for ten years! When I got married I weighed 130 lbs now ten years and two kids later I weigh 210 lbs and I'm 5'6 and ya know my husband loves me just the same!! And if ur hubby is any kind of a man he will understand that people change and Love U For U!! I hope this helps and good luck !!

Answer 8

He can only treat you how you treat yourself. The resentment and self hatred you hold inside is not hidden, he can see it too. You have to love yourself with the extra weight in all. Someone once told me that we show men how to treat us and you are not showing your husband how to treat you because you don't treat yourself that way. He is not to blame, he is only a mirror image of what you are doing to yourself internally. You told yourself that you hate the extra pounds before he did.



The only advice I have for you is to get active on losing the extra pounds, join the gym learn a new dance like salsa, jog etc.

You can sign up for alot of activities and do alot of stuff but it won't make the difference until you get honest with youself. Ask youself, honestly, why you decided to put on weight in the first place. something happened,and you told yourself that you were not good enough.



Forgive yourself for that decision and then do something about it and let that old part of yourself shed away with the pounds.



He will start to notice your confidence coming back.



Good luck, and let me know how you progress. By next week you should have done something loving for yourself.

Answer 9

If you feel overweight just try to loose a coupla pounds. If your husband said it in a fight there was some truth behind it. You will feel better and he will wanna - you know - Maybe you could try something really erotic to get his attention. Come on strong like you are a ***** Men usually cant resist it. I bite my guy on his stomach and right below his waist. The rise is instant every time. Good luck honey. I hope it works out ok

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to find another man. This one sounds like a selfish pig! Why would you want to be with someone that makes you feel bad about yourself! Love is about what is inside and how you make each other feel, not about appearances. Most men loss their hair and get guts in their old age, not to mention ear hair and all that other unattractive stuff that they fall victim to, so should you turn away from him because he doesn't look like the man that you meet? If he is only in this for the looks then you can do soooooo much better.

Answer 11

It’s not the weight. In 7 years, things tend to get out of sync. See if the two of you can get away from home for a weekend. Try to make the first move. Rent a romantic movie and have a movie night. Just put some fun back into things. Guys get board easy, but they get horny even easier.

Answer 12

I would lose the weight and then when you look really hot and he wants you again....leave him for good. Even if you were with him for 50 years that's no reason to take his emotional abuse...get a clue and smarten up - why the hell are you working 2 jobs when you have a husband? Some women are so rediculous.

Answer 13

Its ok to be big, if you lost a few pounds you would feel better though, same for me.



Maybe you are working too much, spend some time and figure out WHY you don't have sex, maybe with therapy too. If it can't work, get somebody new. You still should find out why so that next time it has more chance of working.

Answer 14

I've been married going on 14 years, and my wife has always had some junk in her trunk. It's not what's on the outside, It's what's on the inside that counts. Did he marry you for your looks, or just out of convenience (a quick piece)? Your vows tell it all

: For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do you part. However, if he is cheating on you, dump the s***h*** and get on with your life. More than one fish in the sea to hook!

Answer 15

What makes you think he is suppose to accept you being overweight? He didnt marry you overweight, so what makes you think its suppose to be ok now? did he forget what you looked like the day you got married did you turn into a fat slob automatically when he said "I do"?????? NO! You should want to look good for your man anyway...and whats more you should want to look and feel good for yourself, being overwieght causes all sorts of medical problems as well, so get off of your pity party and think about it....wouldnt you rather live happily with your man AND look and feel good about yourself? ...OR....do you really want to keeep things the way they are and lose your man because you want to feel sorry about your self inflicted misery by staying overweight. Be honest with yourself and if you are things will work out in the best interest of your marriage.

...and dont believe that other people really want overweight partners, people would rather settle down with someone who is more health conscious these days....dont believe/fall for that why cant he love me fat thinking,fat people dont always get love... make you and your man happy! One of the worse mistakes a woman can do in a marriage is to let themselves go...men are visual creatures, if they dont like what they see its a total turn off. dont stop turning him on visually, love aint got nothin to do with this trust me!

Answer 16

He sounds like a real jerk honey. I am so sorry about that. It should not be that way. He needs to grow up and realize that intimacy, truly connecting is what it is all about. Yu are not that big. 185 is fine really for a woman that is 5 ft 10.

Answer 17

I'm sorry to say but i've had sex with skinny,medium plump and kinda fat women and the best is are the ones who are over weight hands downand their personlity is more apealing also, so dont kick yourself---------- you are a ----okay in my book and i'd be as good to you as can be so dont waste your time with a dick head unless he changes/// Be proud of yourself there are a lot of good guys out here who will treat you respectively and with compassion and honestly !!!

Answer 18

1. he may be cheating

2. how old is he? guys tend to lose their sex drive after 50ish.. which is quite normal.

3. for sex, if ure a married couple.. no it shouldnt be all about that physical attraction.. in fact thatsa a very little part of it by then,.

Answer 19

I don't know why you would want to have sex with him. If he loved you, he would love you no matter what you looked like. For your height, you aren't that much over weight. I would be looking into divorce if he is really that shallow of a person.

Answer 20

There is a reason he stays with you. He enjoys marriage with you but doesn't give you credit or compliments. The weight is a shield he hides behind to mask his underlying problems.

Answer 21

He was just wasnt thinking straight during an argument, dont take it to the heart.

People tend to blur stuff out when they are angry/sad/drunk.

Just have a talk with him, Good Luck.

Answer 22

jump his bones, tie him up, do whatever you need to do...



if you feel you're overweight, do it for yourself, not for him. do it for a heatlthy lifestyle, do it for a better quality of life.



if he was so concerned about you gaining so much weight, why didn't he do something about it, like cook, take you out, have lots of sex, or whatever?

Answer 23

This happened to me, and I had not gained weight etc. He may be seeing someone else. i am not saying he is, but it is odd to switch off your partner for 7 months.

regards,

Dezi

Answer 24

keep ya head up dont let this man have you doubting yourself, once you look good dont care about the rest, in the end big girls need love too,

Answer 25

Usually it is the woman that does'nt want sex. He is probably dealing with some personal issues and is holding you responsible.

Answer 26

he's an a ss for saying that. and yes-men are totally about physical appearance because they are dogs. i suggest a divorce or vibrator

Answer 27

You're not big for your hight.



You should let him know he hurt you, and how you feel about it.



So how many jobs does he have if you are working two?

Answer 28

Hang in if he is the one, otherwise leave the situation

Answer 29

stop working so much..................... spent time with him.. go to the gym and get toned and in shape if that will make him happy. attraction is all about attitude. it is true.... if you love yourself others will love you too

Answer 30

he is a heartless pig to treat you in this way. dump his ungrateful @ss now

Answer 31

I don't know, but know how you feel my girlfriend been holding back for months too

Answer 32

when you feel better about yourself , he will wonder what is going on. and realize how he has been treating you. feel better about yourself an others will look at you differently.

Answer 33

You are a fat pig who needs to stop feeling sorry for herself. I wouldnt want to have sex with you either. GET ON A DIET AND EXERCISE!!!

Answer 34

try a Little foreplay try playing with his balls, maybe shave his balls

than give him head

Answer 35

make the first move.

Answer 36

he is cheating on you

go get a **** buddy

Answer 37

LEAVE HIM. IF HE LOVED YOU , HE WOULD LOVE YOU FOR WHO U ARE NOT YOUR WEIGHT. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT HUNNY.

Answer 38

Are you sure he's not getting 'it' somewhere else?

Answer 39

Male escort.