Why hasn't my boyfriend popped the question yet?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year and we have a 3 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. We seem like a decent family but for some reason he has not popped the question yet. He considers me his wife and even refers to me as his wife or fiance when speaking to other, but neither is official. I am starting to think that he is not serious about the relationship we have built together or maybe he is still not sure about me.

Answer 1

I don't think he scared and I don't think the situation is freaky as someone stated up above. Maybe he just doesn't have the money for a ring and a wedding. Have you tried talking to him? That should be the first thing you do before jumping to any conclusions. If you have kids together and are living together I don't think he is scared of commitment because you both already committed. But there is such thing as a man or even a woman being completely scared of marriage for some reason or another, regardless of there situation. And it is not necessary a fear of commitment. Either way you should speak with him first to see where his head is at.

Answer 2

Living together for a year with a child is long, but it may not be long enough for him. Is your son by him? If so, this would indicate an even longer relationship. 3 years is truly long enough. He certainly is acting like a committed man. He has 2 children wit you (or he's at least accepted one of your children and has had another with you.) Having children together certainly brings matters to a head. He's acting very committed. He's calling you his wife. He views you as such. Men wouldn't get married if in fact they didn't have a pretty damn compelling reason to do so. He may view it as not broken; why fix it? Here's what you have to do. He needs a nudge. Talk to him. But be prepared. If you've ever been out driving late at night and have made eye contact with a deer, you will again see this expression! He may even grow distant right after the conversation. ALL NORMAL. And to be expected. It's all in the phrasing; the choice of your words. By all means, don't threaten to hold your relationship hostage and blow it's brains out if he doesn't right away promise to in fact marry you one day. have this conversation when the home is clean and quiet. Say, "Listen. I know you love me and I love you. I trust you and trust you with the children. I respect you and value you in my life. But lately, I've been considering marriage. And I need to know if you're on the same page." His immediate reaction may be to flee but it will come out something like, "I don't know..." Let him talk. Listen to him. Don't pressure him. Don't get upset with him or with his responses. Just say, "I understand." This will remove all pressure. Then wait. It may take a few weeks. He will know where you are (men are not mind readers) and he will reconsider where he is. If he is marriage-minded, he will soon tell you. If you don't get any further response from him after a few weeks, you could bring it up again and ask him if there is any reason for his reservations about marriage with you. He'll be much more willing to communicate after your first "easy" marriage talk. Without pressure. Then, you will know where he is and if you two are on the same page. I wish you the best!

Answer 3

I dont think it is a matter of if he is not sure about you. Obviously you two wouldnt be living together if he wasnt sure. Men just dont see a point in marriage. It is a piece of paper to them and the dont put as much validity in it as women. I have been living with the same guy for 5 years, we have a 9 month old child together and he has yet to pop the question, yet I have no doubt that he loves both me and our son. So I doubt very seriously that there is a relationship problem, he just doesnt see the point in jumping into something when the two of you are good as married right now

Answer 4

I am saying this from experience... so please don't take personal offense. Why should he get married? "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" I did what you described for 5 years....Nothing. So I told him, we get married or I leave. I left. Best thing I ever did. Then I met my now husband. I never even had to ask about getting married. When the subject of marriage came up, it was mutual. Then HE popped the question- BEFORE we moved in together. I also made sure the date was set, including down payment on the reception hall before I moved in. I was not about to be FREE milk again. Just something to think about.



I had to add.....Marriage is not the same thing as living together. Not all men view marriage as "a piece of paper". If you value marriage and he doesn't....that's a huge problem. Marriage is a promise, in front of God, friends and family. Has he ever talked to you about marriage? Ask him. If he's not willing to make those promises to you infront of God, friends and family.... then there is something in the back of his head where he wants to keep the "door open."

Answer 5

He's scared. Yes he might like the idea of calling you his wife/fiance, but if he hasnt popped the question yet then he's prolly not ready, if you love him enough to wait, then i'd say give it a little longer, maybe drop a few hints or maybe even tell him its bothering you.

Answer 6

it is freaky you have a son and another baby and ! you are living together and now, all of a sudden, you say, maybe he is unsure of me.



maybe he is not serious about the relationship.



we seem like a decent family.





so you have deliberately brought children in the world with someone who you dont know very well and have absolutely no idea if he respects you, values you, cares about you, is committed to you, and even though you claim you have 'built this together' you are pretty sure at this point that you are really in this by yourself.

it's a pity.

Answer 7

I agree with Sue 100% and my story is almost the same - except it was 9 years and we had 2 kids. Sorry to say but the bottom line is he does not want to marry you if he wanted it he would've done it by now. People do what they want - he hasn't done it, that should speak volumes to you. As soon as I broke it off with my kids father I met the man I ended up marrying. All of a sudden the father of my kids decided he wanted to marry me FINALLY, of course it took me getting engaged to someone else.

Realize your self worth!

Answer 8

There is no REASON for him to "pop the question". Why should he purchase the cow when he is already getting the milk for free? If you wanted marriage you should have HELD out for marriage rather than moving in together and having a baby.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Does a ring and a piece of paper make that big of a difference in your relationship?

He obviously loves you- he decided to have two children with you. Talk to him about it and ask him- that's the first step in finding out

Answer 11

Well that's kind of weird. Maybe he'll ask you when he's ready or saving money to buy a good ring. Or worse he's cheating on you.

Answer 12

Tell us why exactly should he marry you? I'm not being an ****** about this, I'm dead serious. What is in it for him to make you his wife?



Frankly, I think if you really want to get married make arrangements with the court house, tell him and go get married.

Answer 13

Why does he have to marry you? You've already given him everything that you'd normally asociate with a marriage. Talk about taking it away, see how he reacts.

Answer 14

Why should he ? He already has all the benefits of marriage without the paperwork! That's what happens when you put the cart before the horse!

Answer 15

Why buy the cow when the milk is free? It's an old saying but oh so true!

Answer 16

Why spend all that time and money to cross the road only to walk in the same direction?

Answer 17

He is scared of marriage

Answer 18

He is not sure. When you know you want to marry that person..then you know. Talk to him, don't ***** just talk.

Answer 19

So pop the question yourself...

Answer 20

Promise him more fellatio and cooking when you get married and that should persuade him.



Seriously.