Is what she calls internet cheating grounds for divorce?

Question

My wife of 9 years, mother to 3 of my kids, who I dated off and on for 9 year before marrying is calling it quits. Of course it should go without saying but with such a long history coupled with the fact we we’re off and on tells you we’ve been through hell and back a few times. Well let me tell you what happened and then you can answer the question being is what she calls internet cheating grounds for divorce? I get really bored at work when I don’t have a lot to do, like now. I used to walk around the plant and gossip but I started hearing how I must not have anything to do from other managers and knowing this would get back to my boss I figure I better stay in my cubicle. I wanted to look at some pictures of women so I hit the personal tab on yahoo. Well in order to look at the pictures you have to post a profile at least a half a** one. So that’s what I did the title said Curious Just Looking. Three years later my wife asks to use my yahoo account to sign up on the Dr. Phil website I said sure. She sees a yahoo matches found email and the fights on. She then proceed to find an email with passwords to to sites like Youtube and sees where I have saved and made comments on some booty shaking videos. Last but not least she goes to edit yahoo account and sees some old email address that have been long delete for none use and tries to sing in on the corresponding web site but can’t can they have been deleted. Now I have been asked to leave or home with our kids because she says I internet cheated. What do you think?

Note she did see where I sent an ice breaker on yahoo profile but if you know yahoo. You know you can’t talk unless you pay which I have not done

Answer 1

sounds like you had it coming. Its one thing to look, to notice, but you started putting forth effort. I can see where she is hurt. You two will need loads of counseling to get past this if she even wants to try.

Answer 2

I'm Big V's wife and some of you hit it on the nail. I must clear up a few details. #1 Big V has a tatoo that says PLAYER! This gives you a bit of insight into his past. #2 having been with this man for almost 20 years, he has had chances! #3 we dated for 10 of those years before having kids.#4 he had ample time to decide if I was really what he wanted. #5 our first child was not born until two years after we were married. That actually gave him 12 years to say this is not what I want. I have put too much time, energy, love, devotion, and sacrifice to have my man looking at other women. A few of you were right, I am more hurt than pissed. I am satified with my husband eventhough we both know he is about 80 pounds over weight. I am not "just lookin" because I had what I wanted at home. To take the time to fill out a profile or any other information about preferences takes time from me and the kids. BIG V, I read every comment posted. Most of the comments are just what I have been telling you! Maybe hearing it from a complete stranger does something for you. Just like those pics you were looking at. They are strangers too! And to the man who said something about if I had posted the questions there would have been a different response, you are a damn fool. I just wonder if you are married. That dumb advice you gave will definately get BIG V single status. I did not post the question because I don't need complete strangers to help me justify my actions. I act from my heart and with logic considering that I don't want my sons to be little whores and I don't want my girls to be used and abused. I must be the example for them, even if my husband won't.

Answer 3

First off, I believe your marriage is savable, You guys need a lot of help, but it is possible. You are in the wrong, I must say. I would consider what you did to be cheating. Not physical cheating, but mental cheating. I'm of the mind that when you get married, the only woman you should be looking at in "that" way is your wife (and you the only man for her). Opening the door to anything stems from discontentment and only makes the discontentment worse. If this was something that you were hiding from her, even if it was only hiding it by not telling her, than there is an issue. She doesn't trust you any more. She thinks that if you can do that, what is to keep your from doing more. You need to do some serious apologizing and make all the efforts right now to reconciling. She will be angry and hurt for a while, but hopefully she will come around. good luck!

Answer 4

Okay, so my husband went a sep farther than this when I first moved in with him, but we hadn't been through much yet. I was heart broken that in his "down-time" at work he was checking out other girls, and so on. There are A LOT of things you can do if you are bored. You could read the news, or find a website of jokes to read, or play a game. From my point of view, looking at pictures of other women tell us wives that we aren't enough for you. She wants to feel like she is the only one that you want, that when you are bored, you think of her. I can honestly say that if I caught my husband doing it again, I would leave. It's hard, and I understand. Next time you are bored, you should call her and tell her that you love her. Ask her how her day is going. Good luck!

Answer 5

It doesn't matter what we believe, but it does matter what your wife believes. It had to be pretty unnerving for her to see a personals profile on her husband. That being said she is definitely overreacting and should have given you the benefit of the doubt. The right reaction would have been to ask you about it and see what was going on, but people are not always rationale. Plus, women hear alot about married men using the internet to meet women and cheat so try to see it from her perspective too. Maybe you can try talking to her. Tell her you understand her concern, but you love her and this is really what was going on. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well this is funny, cause everyone here will agree with you easily because they're hearing the other side of the argument. Usually it would be your wife on here saying ... "caught my husband looking at singles sights and booty shaking contests, maybe he was trying to cheat on me. What else is he lying about?" but because your asking and everyones hearing your side, that you were just being a normal guy checking out women, which we all do com'on, they'll be much more understanding.



All I have to say is that I dont blame you for what you did because you were bored and you did what all guys do. And I think your wife is being a bit harsh, but I think you underestimate how things look from her side. Why dont you change your username on here and repost the question as if your wife was asking it. See what people say, and then judge for yourself if she is overreacting.

Answer 7

I think what you did was ridiculous, but I guess that's a man thing - looking at pics online is not internet cheating. Even if it was, she has no grounds for divorce.

In order to file a divorce based on adultery she has to have proof, proof that physical adultery, or maybe even an emotional affair occurred. If she doesn't have proof of that, the judge will not allow a fault based divorce.

She could file no fault, stating irreconcilable differences.

Answer 8

I don't think is is considered cheating if there was no psychical contact. I do see where she can get upset because you were on a personal site which I am sure leads her to believe you are looking for someone new. I would tell you to how sorry you are and I am sure you are sorry right??? You just have to make it right with her otherwise you will loose your family over something so stupid as this.

Answer 9

Contact the organization below, they can help you, but only if you both want to make this marriage work.



Your wife did the right thing - ZERO tolerance for cheating of ANY kind - live, on-line or over the phone.



There are only survivors and victims in divorce and that is no way to live.

Answer 10

I have been where she is...



Just giving you her perspective here...you screwed up, big time.



Ask her to go to counseling with you. Apologize. Kiss a$$.



Maybe she'll come around. If this is still fresh, she probably doesn't know how she feels or what to think. Don't expect her to be rational at first. She'll calm down and that's the time for you to talk to her. Until then, you'll probably just dig yourself in deeper.



BTW, find something else to occupy your time while you are on the clock.

Answer 11

You two shouldn't be married.

I don't consider looking at a couple videos on youtube a big deal and it isn't cheating. Internet cheating is when you go into chat rooms, strike up private conversations with people, start calling them, seeing them, chatting explicitly with them.

Answer 12

Think about how you would have felt if you found out that your spouse was on an internet dating site cruising for dudes. Then found out she was checking out all the big male 'ding'a'longs' on utube and telling them what an awesome set of balls they have. . . problems in the marriage, is what you would have thought.

Answer 13

If I were her I would be really hurt. You don't need to be looking at singles websites. It's not right and she has every right to not want to put up with it.

Answer 14

That is pretty stupid to divorce over stuff like that. It's not like you were carrying on conversations with other women, or looking for something.

Answer 15

Not at all. There's no such thing of it, anyway.