Afganistan deployment, need relationship advice?

Question

Alright. Firstly I'm typing on my iPhone so there's bound to be spelling errors, I'm not illiterate haha.
I'm a Marine getting deployed to Afghanistan soon. It's my first deployment and I've only been in about a year. I'm not worried about getting hurt or killed as that's totally out of my hands. The thing that worries me, and I know this makes me sound like a whiny *****, is how my girlfriend and I will be when I get home. We've known each other since we were kids and always likes each other. We didn't date however as we knew we were too young to have a proper relationship. We officially started dating when I went to college (see how that worked out) and have been together for about 2 years. Last January I went to bootcamp and mct, mos school and all that trash. She stayed very devoted and wrote me nearly every day. She kept me goin. Now, I've been back with her for about 4 months at this point and it's been fantastic. It seems to have strengthened our relationship and given me purpose. Now that I'm actually going into combat and won't see her for roughly a year I'm worried though. I've asked her if she ever thought shed cheat and he assured me she wouldn't. And I believe her. The problem is, I hear these constant horror stories about 4 year relationships that suddenly do a 180 as soon as the Marine goes to war. Anyways, Im just having trouble with it and can't really talk to anyone about it, my buddies would think I was being a huge ***** (which I probably am) I just wanted to hear any of talks stories that have gone through this. Military, spouses, girlfriends or whatever. Any advice is also appreciated. Thank you and Oorah to all my boys overseas.

Answer 1

My best advice for you is to get a hold of your battalion's FRO and give him/her your parents' and your girlfriend's information so that they may be periodically updated throughout your deployment on what your battalion is doing and any events coming up. As far as what it will be like when you come home is all on you. My husband came home from Afghanistan about a year ago and we just picked up where we left off, aside from the honeymoon period. There will be an adjustment period and you may feel uneasy about seeing your girlfriend and family for the first time in 8 months or so, but it's normal. Your girlfriend's life may or may not be affected by your deployment, as well. She may be a wreck when you Skype her one day and then just peachy the next. Anyhow, my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and have been through 3 deployments together and we make it work. He heads back to Afghanistan here soon, so the cycle must begin again.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

1. Do not listen to what goes on with other people.

2. Make you your mind that you and your girl are going to be fine. Don't do a rush marriage, though. That is not a good idea.

3. Have faith in each other. Keep writing and loving each other, no matter what anyone else on either end tries to tell you.



I have a son in Afghanistan right now. He married his wife 2 weeks before he deployed. Their main problem has been an ex-girlfriend that keeps putting herself into their business. They have finally gotten on the same page about the girl: my son told the ex he was choosing his wife over their old "friendship." Hopefully the ex will finally get the message, but she isn't going down without a frigging fight.



Watch out for guys in your unit and ones you met (including Afghans) that like to pull "pranks." They will get your gf's email address and tell her that you were seen kissing a local or buying cigs for another woman. This crap isn't funny, but make sure your gf gets in touch with you before believing everything she reads.



My son found a phone plan that he can call home. I think it is 100 minutes for $40. He calls and talks to his wife daily. He even called dear old mom this am to chat.



Just don't believe everything you hear when the buddies talk. You'll go nuts worrying. You can't control anything from over there, so its much easier to trust and have faith. Good luck with your girl and your deployment.

Answer 4

Well as of right now I am dating a Marine and he just got deployed to Afghan in November anyway he hasn't talked to me yet but hes been talking to everyone else so its really stressing me out (im sorry that's not the point) Anyway here is the point, the deployment is not gonna be easy on both of you im sure you already know this but if the love is real and you trust her then im sure you don't have to worry about her being unfaithful, Just talk to her as much as you can (trust me it really helps, not that I know because my boyfriend is avoiding me for some reason) but yes talk to her and tell her how you feel, it will all work out in the end. :) Thank you for Serving, Semper Fi.

Answer 5

First, good luck, stay safe, and thanks for serving.



Second, the only person you can talk to to feel better about your relationship is your girlfriend. But in the end, either you trust her or you don't. Other people's bad relationship stories don't have anything to do with yours. Once you leave, you can't really control what happens between the two of you, so you just need to play the card as they're dealt.

Answer 6

Unfortunately some military girlfriends and wives do cheat. They are an embarrasment to us all. My husband is on is 3rd deployment. Been on numerous tdys to school and what not. We've never cheated on each other any of those times. Actually time away from each other has made our relationship stronger. Yes I miss him like crazy. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Answer 7

My husband was going to be possibly goign with CFPSA. We did all we could to prepare for it. In the end, he did not get selected. It would have been hard beign away from him for that length of time. Your girlfriend and you are faithful to each other. You need to arrange times to chat on the phone and e-mail, and constantly remind each other of how much you love the other person. Everyone has a weakness inside, it is those who do not play into the weakness that remain strong. A friend of mine, her husband just came back from a 9mth tour with the military in Afgh. I asked her how it was during, and when he came home. She said it was the hardest thing shes ever had to go through, and when he came home, it was very hard for both of them to get adjusted. I'm not sure if the Marines has a Family resource center or not, but in Canada we do. Basically they offer whatever resources they can for families/spouses/partners/bf and gf for when their loved one goes over seas. Tap into those resources as much as possible before, during, and when you return. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

You just need to trust her.

When my husband was deployed he talked to me every night, either IM ( most the time) and phone calls...every day at 10pm sharp!

It will be something you look forward to and she look forward to.

I know its a concern with everyone who deploys about their spouse but you just got to have faith with them...and if you just so happen to go through that ( my husband went through it with his first wife, his first wife cheated on him with his best friend...but you know what, they had a hard relationship. I'm sure if yours is strong right now then it will stay that way) there is always the wall of shame!

Stay safe :)

You build up the wall of shame but sadly it gets taken down as soon as your unit goes back home.

Answer 9

My boyfriend is being deployed in january as well. and we hava about the same story as you and your girl. so i understand from the other girls Point of view.My BF keeps worrying i will leave him while he is there, or find someone better. However, i love him very bunch and i woundnt do that. This will be a big test of love for your girlfriend and yourself.

make sure you dont continuosly talk about this over and over with your girfriend. one is necessary, twice is fine, but dont over do it. my BF talks about it so much that it makes me feel at times that he dont trust me enough, or that it will cause him to loss focus over in afgan and effect him negativly.



BTW, Thank you for all you do, and SEMPER FI!

Answer 10

My brother and his ex girlfriend went kinda through the same thing. his ex went into the Navy and she went to boot camp and then came back then got sent to idk somewhere i forget but my brother says he couldnt stand the fact that he couldnt see her for months at a time. she wasn't here for him when he needed her, but at the same time he knew what was gonna happen when she left. But point is, if you feel your love is strong and i mean both of you then you shouldn't worry about what she is gonna do behind your back.Propose to her...lol