My husband is cheating me and he even isn't sorry, what should I do?

Question

I suspected my husband is cheating on me for a long time. He was always spending a lot time on his computer & texting and emailing from his cell phone. Whenever I would ask him why he would say he has to because of his work and its business related. His compute was always password protected and he would make sure I can’t get on it. Late last year he made a mistake and gave me his iTunes password because I was taking some of the music off of his iTunes onto mine and I figured I might use that password to get into his computer to see what’s going on. It worked! And like I suspected I found numerous number of emails and pics from his girlfriends and also emails from him he was sending to them. At that time our internet connection was disconnected because he didn’t pay the bill so I couldn’t send all the emails to myself for a proof. His printer also wasn’t working and my computer isn’t connected with his printer. I confronted him about the things I saw on his computer and he said he was feeling lonely because I was giving all the attention to our newborn child and he needed some attention for himself. I even found one email from the girl he met and when I asked him about her he said they just met for a drink and nothing happened. He said he’s sorry and he loves me and he wouldn’t do anything like that ever again. I didn’t believe him but gave him another chance just because I have a child with him. Few days ago all of the sudden one girl contacted me. She found my email and saw I have a same last name like him and she was suspicious. And the fact is, the girl who contacted me was the same girl he told me he met only for a drink. She told me everything. He was in a relationship with her for more little more than 3 months, taking her to fancy hotels, fancy restaurants and buying her presents. He was traveling a lot for work and he would tell me he’s going on a business trip and he would spend that time with her at her house or taking her on 2 day cruise or hotel. He even took her for a dinner to a restaurant where we used to go and where lot of people knows us as a couple. Then when he obviously got enough of her he dumped her for some stupid reason and he dumped her sending her email. He dumped her in the end of February but few days ago he started sending her emails again. That’s why she got suspicious. And she got even more suspicious when she asked him about me and he told her I was his cousin and he’s not in contact with me for a long time. When she asked him is he married he told her he isn’t and he never was and he doesn’t have any children.
She sent me some emails he was sending her and now I have a live proof. I confronted him again and said I want divorce and can’t live like this anymore. He doesn’t want to give me divorce and he said if I try to divorce him he’ll take my child away from me. He even said he will rather give our child to a foster care than to let me take him. After everything he’s calling me names, telling me it’s all my fault and I should better accept my mistakes and put our child on a first place and stop thinking only about myself. Me thinking about myself?!!! While he was spending days with his girlfriend in hotels, taking cruises and enjoying himself, I was at home with that child taking care of him. He wouldn’t pay for our house bills and he would spend the money on his girlfriend and our cell phones would get disconnected, or our TV and internet or even electricity one time. He had a good paycheck and when ever would I ask him where the money is disappearing he would tell me he’s paying bills and this and that and bills were never paid on time and money was always gone. One time he even told me that he has right to do whatever he wants with his money because he earned it. I’m a SAHM and I’m not working and he would say I should find my own job and I will have the money.
I want to divorce him but since I’m not working I have no place to go. I tried to ask help from social services but they told me they can’t help me till one of us leaves the house. I don’t have any place to go to and he doesn’t want to leave. I can’t even go to a shelter because I’m not in immediate physical danger from him. I don’t know what to do but one thing I know, I don’t want to live like this anymore. He expects I will let him cheat on me and just look the other way and pretend I don’t know about anything. He thinks he can do whatever he likes and I can’t do anything about it but be quiet and take care of our child. He even didn’t say he’s sorry, he just said he knows what he did is “maybe” immoral but not illegal. What kind of person is that? And he’s texting and sending emails from his cell phone in front of me with a victorious smile on his face deliberately just to make me more upset than I already am. Is that emotional abuse? Can anyone tell me what to do? Please help I’m on the edge of a nervous breakdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Considering your husbands behavior it is highly unlikely a judge would award him favorable custody in a divorce. Additionally, the fact that you aren't employed and at the same time caring for a young child may allow you to claim spousal support from him.



First I would talk to a lawyer ASAP. Most lawyer will not charge for for a first time consultation and/or a case evaluation.



The second thing you need to do is to collect any documentation you can find of your husbands affairs (Don't mention divorce to him until you are ready to go to court.) this includes emails, phone records, credit card charge records, bank statements, etc. Unpaid utility bill statements. Anything you can get your hands on. The more the better. You should ask the other woman who contacted you to send you copies of any and all emails he sent to her.

Answer 2

You are never going to be HAPPY in this relationship; that is very clear. So you really have no other reason than to leave.



If you have family or friends, ask for help. Also, you really should be seeing a counseler to help you get through this and stay strong for your child.



His threats about taking your kid are ways to control you, and you are letting it work.



My best advice to you is to go get a job. Social Services should be able to help out with subsidized daycare once you are able to move out. Until then you can try and find either an in-home daycare (often less expensive) or do a daycare swap with others (they take care of the kid Mon-Wed, you take care of their kid Thurs-Sat or you work day shift, they work night shift). Even if it's only part-time at first, it shows you are moving in the right direction. That, coupled with counseling, and your evidence (the emails, the non-paid utilities, etc.) will prove to any judge that you are trying to bring yourself up from a bad situation.



Until you have a plan set in place (and don't tell him your plan out of anger or revenge. It's better if he doesn't know) Sleeping on the couch, or in your son's room. Lying next to him night after night knowing the he is nothing more than a liar and a cheat will only make you feel even more depressed and anxious. If you can't just up and move out, by all means hold your head up high and don't let him see that he is getting to you (even if he is, cry while he is at work and your son is down for a nap for example). Also, he shouldn't expect things like dinner and laundry to be done for him either. If he can't respect you in the slightest, there is no reason to do the day-to-day stuff for him. I wouldn't even say anything (because it will seem like you're throwing out anger). Just stop catering to him. Right now he has a sweet deal, and that just isn't right.

Answer 3

First things first pull yourself together, just writing all that should have been a little therapeutic. Get a grip one of the main things you are going to need in divorce court is proof so I hope you printed all his emails if not try to do so then contact his ex chick and see if she will send you those emails he sent her especially the one where he broke thing off with her. Hide all this proof in a safe place so he cannot destroy it. Next start calling lawyers the minute he leaves the house for work explain your situation I guarantee you one will take your case. You need to contact any family member you can think of that might let you stay with them for a while. Don't be gullible either HE CANNOT TAKE YOUR BABY AWAY FROM YOU AND PUT HIM IN FOSTER CARE. That was a desperate attempt to keep you in line with fear, try putting your baby in daycare and find a job. I think it is clear to you that there is no saving or going back in this marriage even if he says he is sorry. You are just an obstacle to get around until he decides things are over. I hope you take some of the advice we are giving you cause you need to plan and get the hell away from that DEVIL you married....

Answer 4

Your husband, my dear, is a narcissist and emotionally abusive. He is threatening to take your child? Is he crazy? No court will take a child from their mother. Don't believe his crap. He is full of it and trying to intimitdate you. Letting him cheat on you is abusive to you, and you will suffer the consequences emotionally, and the stress will begin to affect you physically.



First step is to move out, unless you can kick him out. He sounds vindictive so best bet is for you to go. Do you have a friend or family member who you can stay with?



Do not show emotions to him anymore when he sends the text, he is trying to control your emotions and reactions. It will be hard, but act like it does not bother you. Your life is falling down around you, and the only thing right now you can control is your emotions.



Get an attorney and file divorce and child support. If you cannot afford one and he has cut you off from the bank accounts, go to the court and they can refer you to free legal counsel. You need to file a protection order against him, since he is threatening to take your child and possibly foster care. Document dates times and exactly what the threats are, and keep it in a safe place away from him. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF LOSING YOUR CHILD. It will not happen I can guarantee you that.



Be strong, do not let this little crappy man who is an ******** control your life anymore. Move out, and file that divorce. He is not the person you thought he was. You will find a great man one day, just get away from this abusive husband.

Answer 5

first of all, he cannot take your child. Go to a lawyer and talk to him without anyone else knowing. Your first consult is free. im willing to bet that your husband is making these accusations to manipulate and control you. He knows you wont abandon your child. So he is using your child to entrap you. He knows that in reality you will get a big hunk of his income and he wont be able to spend it on his ladies anymore. So believe in you.



You are a good person. You deserve to be treated wiht respect and loved with compassion and tenderness. You do not deserve to be lied to and abused.

If you have no where to turn (friends or family) go to a womens shelter. You are being emotionally abused and they will help you get on your feet and do the things you need to do and get the help you desperately need. There is no shame. These shelters exist because of low life scum like your husband.



This is not your fault. You did not choose this path. You did not betray him. You are only guilty of loving him and being faithful to him. He is a selfish man and will never change. He is not sorry only sorry he got caught. Dont bury your head in the sand...face the truth. This guy cheats and lies to you. He is going to teach your child to be the same way. Then you will know real heartbreak.



check out these websites:

www.cheatingways.com

www.womansavers.com

www.truthaboutdeception.com

www.signs-of-a-cheater.com

www.chatcheaters.com

www.cheaters.com

Answer 6

Start making plans -- it may take a while, but you CAN get away from him.

Like, start squirreling away as much money as you can get your hands on,

find a job, and so forth. Do you have family you can rely on? When you are

ready, you could have them help you for a short time while you get back on

your feet. Even though social services won't help, there are still support

groups out there -- find them and ask for counseling and advice on how

to get out of this situation. Also, you are close to but not yet receiving

truly emotional abuse, but I'm sure it is right around the corner. Keep

your head on straight and I'm sure you will get through this. Good luck.

Answer 7

I read the whole thing and I'm really sorry your husband is such a DOG. You need to find a way to leave him, even though it is going to be hard with you having a child. I know it is hard, because I never finished college, and my income has gone from bad to worse. That's BS about you not being able to go to a shelter. I have been to more than one, and I wasn't even in a relationship. Hopefully you have a family member you can stay with until you can get on your feet.

Answer 8

Stop feeling sorry for your self and get off your behind go look for a job. If you can't stay with a friend or family member go look for a job save the money to put down a place and leave him. Show him that you can be independent and that you can survive without him. Why stay with someone who is going to treat another woman better than you. Don't you need to go on cruise to. Stop the whining and show him what you are made of.

Answer 9

Sorry, truly.



If you have done everything that you think you had to do to keep your family together....and if you just don't have the will to stay with him...then, you know the answer. You're in a tough spot because you don't work....ok. 'Behind every great man is a great woman....but, behind every great woman is only herself'....you have it in you to make something happen, no matter how long it takes, if not do it for you then, do it for you child. School, a good job, etc....you can't be tied to this guy for ever.



Just find your solution, the will to do so is everything.



Good luck

Answer 10

Whew! I got 2/3s the way through it and realized I was reading a novel and not really wanting to! He say whatever he wants to say. You aren't going to lose your child to him and the child won't be going to foster care. What an idiot. Get a good attorney and leave him. You and your child deserve better. Would you really want this man to be the role model for what husband material should be? Blech!

Answer 11

I'm so sorry,its hard i know it ,my husband did the same **** to me and we have 3 kids and 10 yrs of marriage.And mine would have sex with her in our garage and then one night they hot and heavy in our only bathroom and my oldest caught them they didn't even lock the door.

He was with her for 4 yrs out of our marriage and now he's finally done with her but he won't have any sex with me like he did when he was with her he cut me off.I think he's not having sex with me now cause i'm not what he wants.And he's making me suffer.He even left us when our 3rd child was only 2 months old.and he put that tramp in a better home and all he can put us in is a motel room w/bad air conditoning,and one burner that works on the stove,and a refrigarator that leaks.Then he used our tax return last yr and bought himself a new car and i can't drive it.

My moms finally coming home and shes going to help me get out of here.

He can't take you baby,if you don't let him.

Do you have any friends?

Do you have an a account with him? if so empty it out .

And put it in an account of your own.

Do you have siblings or family?

You can get a devorce you just have to give a last known address on him and then after 30 days if he doesn't answer they will override him.

He sounds like a loser like mine.

You sure they're not twins?

If you want to sign up for hud housing ,so you can get on a waiting list.

See if you guys got whats called TANIF if so they will help you find work and get you affordable daycare through social services.

Also churches will pay for you to stay at motels.

Just tell them you have your baby and you have no where to go.

And churches might have members that take in boarders see if they have any.

If you guys have furniture see if you can get it out and leave it in someone s garage.

Leave some stuff foir him so he can't fight you for everything you took.

Like half everything up.

Please let me know how things make out for you and i'm so sorry.

Answer 12

unless you're a foreigner then you must have friends or family, you need a temporary place.

gather all the proof of his not paying elec. whatever--and it will not look good for him in court to gain custody, thats only a threat anyway, to keep you under his control.

he's a player he doesn't want an infant around him.

some lawyers have free first consultations, try talking to one.

Answer 13

well i think theres one thing you shouldn't do....stay with him. i mean what kind of person does this stuff and isn't even sorry for it. well i think you should find a job....then once you're stable with that and have enough money go on with your child and file for a divorce. who cares what that meanie husband of yours thinks. you have rights too you know!!! just find a way to leave him...but don't make it obvious that your hurt, i think thats what hes trying to accomplish. plus suspicion will rise if he finds out that ur trying to divorce him....if you do i mean. but i think thats what you should do.....

Answer 14

random comments.....



no respect for you....it's almost like he hates you.......

like he is laughing at you and mocking you........

like you are a prisoner.....



you can't live the rest of your life like this.......

you shouldn't live one more day like this.......

you must have parents.....call them for housing

it's time to pack up, take the baby and leave........

looks like you have to go to work, but it's got to

be better than better than living with him...



making it your fault because of the attention you

give to your newborn........what a prick, blaming

you instead of being accountable........

reversing everything like you are the bad guy.........

he should be excited about the newborn.....



when he goes to work, e-mail (forward) all his messages to

a account he doesn't know about...so you have copies........



surely your family will help, this is cruelty



don't tip your hand as to what you are going to do,

no back talk or arguments.......make your plan and follow it

Answer 15

Aww, wow.....sounds like something I'm going thru and I'm a stay at home dad......it's so hard to let them go especially when you have children, cause we have 3. But, you cant live like that much longer and its time to let go and realize you CAN do better. I'm in the beggining stages as well......it's hard to be honest, and hard to wanna move on, but your happiness is whats important. Pleaase keep in touch!

Answer 16

omg.. can't believe you still with him ... look for help with your family .. i know it is hard but you should not stay with him no more once he did two times he will never change and plus now he plays with you i really think this is emotional abuse because he knows what your feeling ...ask for help sorry for you

Answer 17

well sister kick him to the curb.get the evidence divorce him. get on with your life your a women and if you have the stength to tolerate his behavior you have the strength to make it on your own.hes going to do this as long as you permit it. good luck stay strong.

Answer 18

the reason he is cheating on you is probably one of the following:



1. you are not giving him enough sex

2. you ***** at him constantly

3. you critisize him on his performance after sex

4. you want to talk to him after sex



a man's dick needs satisfying, and you aren't doin it for him



my suggestion is give him a blumpkin, that will make him change his mind

Answer 19

you should consult with a lawyer and he will give you process of forward steps.it is not a good thinking that you will continue your valuable life with such a man who knows he is traitor to his wife and its proved.what are he teaching his child ? cheating!!!!!!!!! forget that guy.best of luck

Answer 20

Leave Him!! Trust me it's hard enough to stay and try to make it work when they do seem sorry.

Answer 21

I am very sorry this is happening to you.



Go talk to a therapist and a lawyer. They will best advise you on how to handle this situation. But, please, please do try to get away from all the hurt!

Answer 22

Dump the bum. And make sure it costs him plenty.

Answer 23

You gotta shorten it, its super long.. The longest one I have ever read on answers.

Answer 24

That's a real long message and I have a real short answer: PAYBACK-TIME. Have fun!