Husband didn't bother to wish me a happy birthday?

Question

My husband knew it was my birthday today because a few days ago we talked and I told him the only thing I wanted was a nice cupcake from a bakery and even told him where a few were. When we got up this morning he didn't say "Happy Birthday" or anything like it before he left for work. He's been on his phone for breaks because he has shared stuff on twitter and facebook but no Happy Birthday text or message or anything.
I very much doubt he will get me a cupcake because he was complaining about how out of the way and far the bakery was (7 min drive from his work). We've been together for 5 years and I've never forgotten his birthday. I always get him a card and gift, make him whatever he wants for dinner, make a cake, give him a long back massage...the whole 9 yards. He used to do nice stuff for my birthday too but this year it's as if he decided to completely ignore it. I haven't been pushy or annoying about it, so I don't see a real reason for him to ignore it. I'm really hurt that he just doesn't care enough to so much as tell me "Happy birthday"...he likes to celebrate birthdays and they are important to him, he is already talking about what we should do for ours sons upcoming 1st birthday and would be very upset if I didn't celebrate HIS birthday...I just don't understand why he thinks he shouldn't have to celebrate mine...

Answer 1

Could he be planning you a party - or a surprise ?

If your birthday passes - and he did nothing for you - just ask him.

Some men do not think it important to do things on birthdays, Valentines - and even Christmas.

By any means -- just ask him. Listen to what he says -- he will probably tell you something to satisfy you -- but don't berate him about it because you probably would not want a birthday wish from him if you had to make it do it.

Answer 2

So, what's your question?



Today isn't over yet, so technically you have no idea if he's forgotten it or not, or if he's just waiting to tell you or surprise you. IF the day passes into tomorrow, and tomorrow you ask him if he forgot yesterday was your birthday, THEN you can be upset that he forgot (because you'll know for sure that he forgot, because he'll have told you so). Right now, you're just upset he didn't acknowledge your birthday this morning, and while that's a valid way to feel, it's certainly premature to be upset about it until the day is over and no birthday acknowledgement ever came.



OR you could contact him now and remind him, and then be bothered if he still doesn't acknowledge it or make any to-do over it.



Some people just don't care much about birthdays, especially as adults, and they don't understand why others make a fuss over it. You indicate he's done things in the past for your birthday, so instead of being upset, COMMUNICATE with him (if it appears he's going to let the entire day go by without noting your birthday) and tell him how you feel...that you're sad that your birthday wasn't acknowledged, especially when you reminded him of it just a few days ago.

Answer 3

ask him why, BLUNTLY ask him

Answer 4

Cool. Do you have a question?

Answer 5

Because he's an adult. Birthdays to most adults are not that big a deal once you get past age 6 or 7. I think you're putting way too much importance on this. "Oh, but I GOT HIM SOMETHING." Did you get him something because you love him and wanted to do something nice for him?? Or did you only get him something so that he'd reciprocate?



That's just the wrong way to look at relationships. I just lost my husband of 25 years last year... the love of my life. Hopefully, before you lose what you're describing as a loving relationship, you'll wake up and realize what really matters and give him a break.

Answer 6

This is what happens when you're kind and generous. Stop being a doormat to him. He's a taker, not a giver.

Answer 7

That is really weird. By it self its not a good signal but not bad. I have the best answer. But its the longest. This was the first year? He has only done this 1/5?



How are arguments? They louder/different?

Is the tone/msg of loud talks different? He trying to embarrass, be little or bully?

Rude or obscene names?

Any changes with cell phone or computer handling? Are these closely guarded now or different?

Sex/Intimacy still over the top amazing? Uh-OH! It is dead? Oh boy - BAD sign!



THIS REALLY is NOT about a birthday. It is about him ignoring almost abandoning you (your feelings). He does not have dementia correct (seriously?) He does not forget where you live every day or where the porn websites are right? It is general disrespect. Its not a great sign no matter how big or small. Your birthday has most likely been the same date for the last 4 years. He was there and he knows. You probably told him more than twice. You know last weekend/last week you told him get you a cupcake (something to show me you listened - ANYTHING IS OK). Right? I mean sure we all love cupcakes OMG NOM NOM NOM! But you might have been happy with a cake or really fancy cookie.



Its him intentionally ignoring you. It is why it is important for you to "take stock" (think about) let last 5-6 months of loud talks and your feelings. Anything odd/off or not great - just this? He was just a disrespectful #$^% this single time. I say give him a total free pass (immediate forgiveness) make a joke out of it get the money from him you go buy 2 cupcakes then you rub them over each other - wait never mind.



Though very honestly.... This stuff usually does not start with something like this., I wager all your socks and shoes you had odd vibes and that's not ok. Now you have to do a lot. If it was no big deal get his walled and go buy those 2 cupcakes.

Answer 8

I would ask HIM why he didn't bother to wish you a happy birthday.



No one here knows.

Answer 9

maybe he mixed up the days, has something planned for you when he gets home, or he could be preoccupied with something. Worse case scenarios are he s mad about something and is withholding or simply forgot. If you two have a one year old together, he may be warn out juggling work, your relationship, and your child and it was not the absolute first thing on his mind. Maybe shoot him a text and say "Hey sweetheart! what s the plan for tonight?" If he gets back to you shortly, with a "nothing" say "oh! Well I was wondering if we could go to ____ and celebrate my birthday, what do you say?!" If you man responds with "well I planned this this and this" then you are all set but you need to gauge which avenue is the reason first. Don t jump to conclusions and try to understand what s going on. I m sure he never meant to hurt your feelings and would make it up to you if he happened to forget. You ll never know though until you talk to him!!!

Answer 10

Go out by yourself, to a nice bar where the rich men go. Tell him you'll see him later.

Answer 11

I’m sorry these people are so rude in the answers ?!?! You must of felt so down!! That’s horrible. Did you get a surprise in the end? Even so.. he should of said. I’m sorry I would be so upset that is just rude and ignorant. X

Answer 12

Since this isn't his usual habit to forget birthdays or not make a big deal of them, then I suggest there might be something planned that he's hoping you won't catch on to.

Answer 13

He should trying to hide surprise party for your birthday.

Answer 14

troll harder

Answer 15

Happy birthday. Look, I wasn't gonna say anything but he has arranged a special surprise birthday dinner for you, and ordered a whole bunch of cupcakes with a special message iced on top. But it's meant to be a secret so act surprised Ok?