Why am I not good enough to be a wife?

Question

Just a "baby mama." What I'm really asking is why can't us black woman get any love? It seems like it's harder for us to have meaningful relationships than other races/ethnicities. We stay single for long periods of time. (This comes from my experiences and those of other black females I know).

By the way, I am not a lousy deadbeat. I am a twenty- something educated, attractive black woman. I have a master's degree and have been told that I am beautiful and have major sex appeal. I am financially independent and have my own place, car and everything I need. Also, I am childless and must say that I have it going on. But it is so hard to meet quality men. I hear this from black women with similar characteristics, too.

I know that we black females are outperforming black men in this day and age. But I am willing to date a man (any race) who may not have as much education/income as me. But really, what gives? What's your opinion on this phenomenon? Have you noticed it as well?

Answer 1

We tend to deal with a lot of bs and accept a lot of it. We find a guy we like and don't put our foot down. When the nice guy comes along, he's too nice. I've been told by men of other races that it seems to them, we put up with a lot more, which I found very interesting because I always thought we didn't put up with any crap. Then I looked back and how many guys I dated for long periods of time who wouldn't commit.

I'm just like you. Young, attractive, educated, have my own stuff and make a crap load of money, but the guys who I wanted to commit to wouldn't commit to me.

Answer 2

I personally feel that you 'black women' are some of the most attractive women in the world, but for some reason men from a different race find you 'over confident' and are almost scared of asking you out for fear of getting an ear bashing. You are all known for your 'not backing down' attitude, and I suppose other races are used to their women being slightly submissive.

Maybe you have to 'tone down' your 'you're in control' attitude when you're around other races and see how you are treated then. It is possibly only one of a few things which may be putting men off but if you are that worried about finding a good man YOU have to change, only a little, but you have to change. Good Luck!

Answer 3

"It seems like it's harder for us to have meaningful relationships than other races/ethnicities. We stay single for long periods of time"



Has it occurred to you, that could be because you are not prepared to settle? Just because white women aren't "single for long periods of time", you shouldn't assume the relationships they're in are "meaningful"!



Society teaches white women to feel there's something wrong with them if they don't have a man. So if we're alone for a while, we're inclined to grab the next man that comes along. Even intelligent women do it! I know I've been guilty in the past.



I'm not sure it's fair to generalise on the basis of race, but maybe women like Oprah have provided a better role model for black women, so they don't have the same guilt complex about being single? Therefore they're not prepared to go out with a guy just because he's male...



I may be wrong, but my impression of American men is that they are rather traditional in their attitudes, and want the "little woman" rather than an intellectual equal. Maybe you should come to Australia and find a guy who doesn't have those hangups!

Answer 4

I think this is a problem for women of all races. As an Italian American, I, too find it frustratingly challenging to find decent men. I think most men of our generation are too self-centered to be decent boyfriends/husbands. You sound like you're definitely good enough, so never second guess yourself! I think there will be a point for these guys where they will realize they want to settle down and be a responsible adult, but it's not happening lately until they're in ther mid-late 30s. Or at least that's the trend in the CA bay area. I didn't want to be past my 20s before being married or having children, but unless I want to traverse into the world of being a single mom, I may have to put that plan on hold to correlate with "guy time."

Answer 5

Men in general have a hard time dealing with successful women, no matter what their race. And god forbid if you have a brain! It's just a matter of patience, hun. The right man WILL come along and love you for all your wonderful attributes. Good luck and kudos! Glad to know that there are more intelligent and successful women out there.

Answer 6

we actually had a discussion about this wih our professor in my sex, and relationship class. Based on many surveys and polls Black women , and asian men were the least to be picked as a partner by the opposite sex. Our discussion was very interesting, everyone had so many different views as to why this is taking place, but our conclusion was mainly based on how the media portrays black women.





{add } for instance many male students expressed that the media portrays black females as being too musculine,very aggrassive, not intellegent... many also agreed that only light skinned balck females are portrayed as feminine, beautiful, intelligent!! so what about the rest?? do u have to be light skinned black female to have good qualities???

Answer 7

You said it yourself:



"I know that we black females are outperforming black men in this day and age. But I am willing to date a man (any race) who may not have as much education/income as me."



That intimidates most men. It hurts their pride. Men are typically hunter-gatherers. When women become more powerful, it's intimidating and emasculating. That is pretty much what is happening in my opinion.

Answer 8

Men can be intimidated by educated, independent, self maintained,strong willed, attractive women. I think it's the same with all races. It's the whole "Men Are From Mars/Women from Venus" thing.

Answer 9

TO be honest I think all women of all races have this problem. I think its the lack of "men" in this world. I mean "real men" not just someone who is male. Woman now days want more and arent willing to settle for addictions,verbal,mental or emotional abuse. They expect 50/50 and since finding a man with that kind of mentality is so hard to find,alot of woman stay single. You are good enough to be a wife,but only to someone who is good enough to be your husband!

Answer 10

I have. It is not true in all parts of the country. In Northern Virginia and Southern Maryland for instance, there are plenty of well educated, successful black men. I have friends who like you are beautiful, educated and very sweet, they have husbands who are the same. I wish you luck.

Answer 11

just be willing to wait until the right person comes along, what sometimes happens is that we get impatient, and are too much in a hurry to find someone and end up with Mr wrong instead of living happily ever after. pray for what u seek, prayers do get answered.

Answer 12

Well, I think you should look at it like this.....some of us have to go through a lot of bad apples to get to the right one and some of us just get it right. If it's not meant for us at that particular moment, I truly believe that in time it will fall in our paths. Sometimes we have to go through certain experiences to end up right where we are supposed to be. It's just that some of us have to go through ups, downs, and uncertainties.

Answer 13

well, I will just say my experience in life is that you find love often where you are not looking for it, you seem to never find someone who is suited to you, then out of the blue that person comes along.

I think you just have to keep an open mind, and when opportunity comes, go for the ride, it may be the best ride of your life

Answer 14

Honestly. It has nothing to do with you being good enough. It has been my experience that women like you put up with less BS, and therefore remain single. That's a good thing!

Answer 15

Girl, with all that going on just relax and let time work for you. Your dream man will come along when the time is right...

Answer 16

eharmony.com or match.com However, my niece discovered the love of her life though eharmony.com. Honesty is the key for a fulfilling match. *Goodwill*

Answer 17

well i have single friends if you would be interested in them or you could try dating sites

Answer 18

Stop dating jerks!!

Answer 19

You are good enough to be a wife, you haven't met the man good enough to have you as his wife....yet...

Answer 20

patience is the key, and just live life no matter how lonely nights get

Answer 21

Good god, send me your phone number! You sound hot!