My husband is cheating on me with a married woman and her husband wants to meet up with me.?

Question

Last night by 7 I got a phone call and it was from a guy that said he is the husband of a woman which my husband is supposedly having an affair with.
He said he found facebook conversations between his wife and my husband and texts messages he also told me that he has copies of everything and he'd like me to see them. I didn't say anything to my husband and I want to believe that this guy is lying but he said he has proofs so I don't know what to do.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and we have a 2 children and a beautiful home. I don't want to brake up my family and hurt my kids. I love my husband and I will be devastated if what this guy told me is true.

He wants to meet up with me this afternoon at a local café. Should I go? What do I do if it's true? Sirious answers only please. This is very serious.

Answer 1

I would have told him to F off, but that's just me.



Even if true, you don't know what this guys intentions actually are or even if his "proof" is real. As an IT professional, I can tell you that text messages and emails and be falsified.



He may just be someone that has something against your husband and going after him via you.



If true, really this guy is just out for revenge, he's hurting so he wants others to as well and you're not hte person he should be directing his anger on.. his wife is.



At one point in my life, I was the other woman but didn't know. With me there was no signs he was married, I saw him often, been to his home and even met his parents. He was from Lebanon and his wife was still there. When I found out... I didn't tell her, I was mad at him but well, she didn't do anything to me so there wasn't a reason for me to intentionally set out to hurt her. She didn't dererve it and neither did you.

Answer 2

He has probably told you about his discovery so that he can save his own marriage (and maybe yours) by exposing the affair. It is always better to have two sets of eyes watching the adultery couple, it makes it much harder for them to meet-up and continue the affair. The husband may have exposed the affair as a way to force his wife into accepting accountability for the affair, too. Anyway, the other woman's husband is not the bad guy here - he did you a favor by telling you what he knew. If you need support in making decisions, there is a good forum at marriagebuilders .com for the betrayed spouse, where you can ask for advice or just rant to people who have lived through this. Exposing the affair to the other person's spouse is always encouraged there. Also, there is a good book that your husband would benefit from reading at aftertheaffair.net

Answer 3

before meeting up i'd ask him to email you these copies. can't go on believing a stranger can we? For all we know he could be fabricating this stuff to get out of his marriage. Even after you see copies you have to take it with a grain of salt....I don't know why this guy would want to meet and talk about things with you.... his beef is with his wife. You on the other hand can hear him out if you want to....but most importantly you need confront your husband. gotta lay it all out on the table. make him admit it, show him the proof, and see what he wants out of your marriage. for a marriage to work both of you need to be willing to save it. whether you handle it on your own or through a marriage counselor. if you cannot forgive him over time mind you, or he doesnt want to be in the marriage anymore then it'll never work. do try to see his side though as well... are you doing (or NOT doing) anything that would entice him to seek something outside of your relationship?



you could also let the other husband confront his wife and let that play out first, (and affair end hopefully ) then see how it goes from there and talk to your husband at a more passive time. not sure which route is better but confronting him is the only way. if he wants to stay in the marriage he'll have to earn your trust again because who can believe him anymore right? but like i said you might also have to be willing to accept him back and change too.



good luck.



also, dont have an affair and think it'll be even after that.

Answer 4

If you want to make sure, you aren't meeting up with someone crazy (its possible), ask him to e-mail you a thread of the text messages, or screen shot it first. I don't see why anyone would make this up, and contact you. I wouldn't meet in person until you'r positive this is you'r husband sending the messages. Ask questions ... like "what is the number you have for my husband?" Or better yet ask him for his wife's number and look it up on the phone bill. If he can answer one or two of these questions I would meet, in a public spot, and let someone close to you know where you are going, and why and that here is the man's info incase something does happen. However I don't think someone would make this up.

Answer 5

First, let me say I am SO sorry that this has happened to you. So many women are finding themselves in this situation due to the easy availability of the Internet these days. Second, be assured that yes, your husband did cheat on you. He might not have ever met the woman, he might not have ever planned on meeting her, but what he did do was give another woman a piece of himself, no matter how short a time period or how small a piece it was. As his wife, all of his sexuality, flirting, and lust interest should belong to YOU. His actions disrespected you, and devalued the level of importance that he places on you, and brought dishonesty and distrust into your marriage. On a side note, I HATE the fact that this woman knew that your husband was married and blatantly disrespected you anyway. Females have really got to stop stabbing each other in the back! If it makes you feel better, I'm sure your husband does love you. I'm sure he doesn't think that what he was doing was cheating. AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM. He needs to be on the same page as you with this. The two of you need to discuss what uncrossable boundaries are in place in your marriage. Once you have that discussion with him, the ball is in your court. How important does he think your feelings are? How important is it to him that you feel safe and secure in your marriage? How committed is he to upholding the boundaries that the two of you decide upon? And most importantly, how much do you trust that this sort of thing will never happen again? Once you have answers to these questions, you have a few decisions to make that only you can make. Can you forgive the man you love? Do you want to stay or leave? Do you want him to stay or leave? Do you want to talk to a counselor? Do you want to go alone or do you want your husband to come with you? I know it seems a little overwhelming, but remember to tackle one question at a time. And remember that the decisions right now are YOURS. Your husband might try to make the choices for you, but don't let him! I want you to know that I am keeping your situation in my prayers. I hope my advice was helpful. God bless. :-)

Answer 6

this person knows enough about you that he has your phone number. If there is an affair you need to hear it from your husband. I wouldnt go off to meet angry men you dont know. This man's wife may or may not know what the husband is up to. If she does then your husband knows also probably. Everybody probably waiting for the axe to fall so to speak. If wife of other man doesnt know that husband is "investigating" her activity. the facebook stuff might just be poor judgement on the part of your husband. SO tell your husband that you got a phone call saying that he had a girl friend. Could he please go with you to the Cafe and tell this guy to stop bothering you. . It should then open up the situation.

Answer 7

Two of my married friends, one was the cheater the other was being cheated on, the cheaters husband was contacted by the wife of the man she was having an affair with. My other friend was contacted by the husband of the wife her husband was screwing. (I hope that made sense.) It's probably true and as long as your meeting is in public I would go. This man is hurting and probably thinks he's doing you a favor by telling you. I would want to know!

Answer 8

Before you meet this other guy, how about sitting down and talking to your husband FIRST and telling him what you've been told. While you may hate to break up your marriage, your husband has cheated on you and this may not be the only one. Not only should you be concerned about your health (STD's, etc.) but what does this tell and show your kids about marriage?



Your husband and you need to talk about it first before you even consider bringing in anyone else that may have proof. What you do with the answers you find is up to you - not to us, but if your husband has been cheating on you then your marriage is in serious trouble now and maybe the best thing is to file for divorce.

Answer 9

I would definitely go and see whether there was any truth in what this man says. If he is mistaken, no harm done. If he is correct and your husband is cheating o you, I'd want to know.



Why does he want to show you the proof? Because he hoping that this affair ends by involving you and bringing everything out into the open.



As to what you do if he is cheating, only you can make that decision.

Answer 10

I'd most certainly have a conversation with my husband about it first. I'm not going to participate in subterfuge against my husband on someone else's say without showing him that respect. Do not put yourself into the hands of a complete stranger. Not unless you have someone with you. I'd suggest you invite your husband. But if you meet with this stranger.. have someone you know with you. None of this one on one secret stuff. That's dumb no matter what the truth is.

Answer 11

Re your update: I am very sorry. You need to take some time to think about what is best for you and your children. You can consult a lawyer to make sure that you would be financially sound. But, if your husband will go for marital counselling all the better. Watch him for a few days. How does he act toward you. Once you let him know you know, be prepared for angry denial or heartfelt sorrow. This kind of thing takes a long time to think through. So if he agrees to see a marriage counselor and end the other relationship, its really up to you whether you can trust him again.

Answer 12

I would contact this guy and ask him to send the info electronically. Unless you wouldn't believe it in that media. Perhaps you can take a good friend with you. At any rate you do have a serious problem and I am sorry with you. You also need to talk to your husband. And hey, when suspicion is affot there is nothing wrong with looking for answers.

Answer 13

File a report with the local police in your region.

Do not consider ever meeting with anyone, male or female, in this scheme at this stage. Only meet up with someone who is involved in this matter after you have presented to the police this item and plans have been made for the police to work with you.



Don't use lower standards. Set all thoughts about divorce and reuniting completely aside for now and continue addressing your questions.

Answer 14

Meet up with him and see what he has to say. Meet in a public place and take a trusted friend with you. If this information checks out and your husband is indeed cheating on you, divorce him. It won't be you breaking up the family. If your husband is a cheater, HE broke up your family the first time he dropped his pants for another woman.

Answer 15

no harm in meeting up with the guy to see the proof, meet in a public place and bring a friend, someone you trust, just incase this guy is a maniac. Also I agree with the first comment, if you haven't been accommodating to your husbands sexual needs then you brought this upon yourself. If he's cheating for any other reason then he's a low-life and you should definitely divorce and use proof to win over the court.

Answer 16

If my husband gave no reason for concern, I'd go into this giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'd tell this man that if he wants me to see these things so badly, he can email them or mail them to me. I'm not interested in meeting.

Answer 17

Wow! Why didn't I think of that? Claim my wife was having sex with her husband so to get even she should have sex with me!!! I may not fool all the wives but if I could fool just a few then it's a win for me!!!

Answer 18

If you do not want to break up your marriage, do not meet with the man. Once you meet with him and see the evidence, you must the deal with his infidelity. If you try to ignore his infidelity after seeing the evidence, the frustration and anger will eventually force you to face the issue and end your marriage.



As long as you don't see the hard evidence, you can always tell yourself there was no proof.

Answer 19

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Answer 20

Start having lunch dates with the other man and let your husband know who you are going out with. Then hit your husband where is hurts and tell him, "I don't understand why his wife is see you. Variety I guess." Doing that implies so much and says nothing at the same time.

Answer 21

Hmm, I don't see why he can't email and text you all this info, but as long as your meeting in a public place then I guess its ok. Don't be surprised though if he suggest you cheat with him to get even.

Answer 22

You should divorce your husband even that guy and put those cheating people on the grave but hey good thing that guy told you, it's good for the children too and that guy should divorce his wife, plus if you hide it, it's going to hurt you more plus he might be getting her pregnant on purpose so DIVORCE HIM BEFORE HE DIVORCES YOU!!!! Really do it, if you want try to video-taped him and her. Plus you and that guy need to put things to an end, just divorce him it make things easier for you and him. Just don't hide it.

Answer 23

Speaking as someone who actually did have an affair... There is not much proof that can exist unless this guy has hired a private detective and has photos you are sure are not doctored. If this guy has a lot of proof be sure that most of it is falsified.

You need to talk to your husband and actually ask him what is going on, ask him whether any of it is true. You owe him that much, you married him and he is the father of your kids.

Answer 24

If you think your husband is still cheating on you hire a P.I. to have him followed and find the proof for yourself then decide what you're going to do. If you have family or good friends they will be the support you need to decide.

Answer 25

when they said nobody perfect , possibility of committing affairs was included, if you believe nobody perfect than take it easy to forgive and forget but act in a way that to make him feels you've know something of what's going on , I believe he will eventually stop and apologize to you even by other means like would try to make it up to you .

Answer 26

Tell the damn fool to deal with his wife and leave you out of it.



Then, Husband, You have some Splainin' to do."

Answer 27

Do you want to know the truth (whether or not you meet up with the guy) or do you want your marriage to continue the way it is even if it true? Only you know what kind of life you want to lead.

Answer 28

You dont know if what hes saying is true you dont really know him at all you really dont know these days and you need to be logical about this he needs to email you the proof he supposedly has think about any signs that might point to him having an affair no matter how small the detail is . Suggest to this man to confront his wife because its not your fault and you confrontyour husband with the evidence . You can meet up with him but if you do please do not be alone with him or go anywhere away from anyones view you can even bring your best friend with you just in case. Just be careful

Answer 29

get a 4 some

Answer 30

as long as it is in a public place i dont see the harm.

I would ask him why he just wouldnt send the proof to you. Seems weird that he feels you must meet

Answer 31

unsure but don't meet up.... he and you can communicate from a safe distance. and maybe it's time to talk with a lawyer.

Answer 32

you should go and check as it might be a prank or something,, so just go,, try to be calm,, go home and act natural and just act as if u were to stay out late with somebody ,, make him jealous and then he'll tell u to stop it then tell him what u know

Answer 33

IF he has already provided proof then why do you need to meet up with him again. I have a feeling that this is just what it is .... a story.

Answer 34

Sad

Answer 35

I would go and meet him, but confront your husband first

Answer 36

Maybe you should have thought about all of this before refusing your hubby sex all the time.

Answer 37

No, this is not good. If you can not take it, you may consider divorce.

Answer 38

it is not good for you