My husband wants permission to date the woman he is having an affair with!?!?!?

Question

I have been married for 10 years have 3 kids, and over the past 3 months my husband has been cheating, I have proof and have kept my mouth shut the old let him hang himself. I want custody of my kids.. I got so upset one day I gave up alittle of the info I knew, the taking her out to dinners all the calls he was lying about etc.. SO now he has apologized to me for that part of the deciet he denys ever telling her he loves her or that it went further.. so he and the girl have come up with the situation they want to be out in the open, and for me to give my permission for them to see each other 1 night a week.. I have not given permission as that to me is dating.. I am confused as he tells me one thing then when I hit his emails I can read what he is telling her.. they text 20 times a day she calls from 6am-1 in the morning, and he was hiding it now he doesn't since "he is being honest" what he doesn't know is I know everything they have done. what would you do in this situation?

Answer 1

First of all, be absolutely comfortable and resolved with whatever decision you make. There can be no waivering once you make your decision.



Secondly, carefully plan your next move without drawing too much attention.



Thirdly, go for the throat on the sorry bastard and make him wish he respected the decency of marriage.



Lastly, enjoy your life and realize you made the best decision you ever could make when hes gone.

Answer 2

Are you nuts!? What is wrong with you!? Do you really need strange people that don't even know you to tell you what you should do? I'm not sorry for being so rude because this is something that I feel very passionate about. I was cheated on in my first marriage and never even gave him a chance to take a breath before I showed him the door and told him to use it. I am not a fan of betrayal. If you need something to consider than consider this he was willing to go behind your back to be with this woman and chanced losing you but is he even willing to give her up to save your marriage? No he wants you at home raising the kids cleaning and fixing dinner and her for everything else. What kind of relationship is that? You my dear deserve so much better, don't you?

Answer 3

If you stay another minute you are doing yourself and your children an injustice! He is totally disrespecting you and the kids in every way possible. Why would you want to stay in such a grim situation? Trust me your kids can feel the tension. They are a lot smarter than you think! He is a complete SLIME! Leave him. Don't even explain why. Tell him as you are leaving that he now has permission to date the HO as often as he'd like or better yet let her move in and do his laundry and cook and clean for him. They will not think it is as much fun when REALITY finally sets in. Do not ever look back. I wish you lots of good luck! Hope everything works out for you!

Answer 4

What are you his mother or his wife? I can not believe your sitting here stating :"so he and the girl have come up with the situation they want to be out in the open, and for me to give my permission for them to see each other 1 night a week". That is just ridiculous.



The girl has helped him come up with this? gee how sweet of her , how does it feel to know she's laughing at you behind your back and telling her friend's and family and who ever else will listen how she has her boy friend's wife right where she wants her? Wake up sweetheart please for your kids sakes if nothing else .



Tell him there is no way your going to allow him to set this bad example for your children and that his selfishness is uncalled for , childish and it just shows nothing more then stupidity.



Pack his bag and tell the "girlfriend" sure you can date , because now you'll be living together. Then find a lawyer file for divorce and go his @zz for half of every darn thing.

Answer 5

Demand he either stop the affair and all contact with the other woman, or he get the heck out!



Your his wife and you have rights. He needs to get his priorities straight! No, he does not have the right to hurt you and just do as he pleases. If he wants to act single, well, then he might end up being that way. If you don't confront him and make your demands known, he will take it as acceptance. Nothing more screwed up as the self delusion of a cheater!



Be "honest", you will not live like this, it is hurtful to you.



I suggest that you find a strong support group with others who are going through this kind of thing. Whether or not your marriage survives, you need support.



http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/



http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/



A yahoo group site with lots of helpful information. Look in FILES. Easy to join, then check out the links and files. Not an active support group.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AffairsTalk/

Answer 6

I would divorce him and get custody of the kids. Do you think they would respect you if they found out? Do you have daughters? I am not judging, you should not have to be the victim here. "Being honest?!?!?" No, being a dirtbag. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. I am sure you are a wonderful wife and mother, and yet, we all have our flaws. But in the end, the girlfriend has less ties and more fun appeal, and you will just end up being hurt. My sister lost her husband of 6 years to his online candian g/f when she was 5 months pregnant with their second child. It will not be easy, but think of your kids.

That, or go for couples' counseling. Make him sever ties. If he can do it, there is hope. My thoughts are with you!

Answer 7

It is time that you accept the reality of the situation.



Your marriage is over. I know, bad news... but the good news is you are still young, beautiful, and a worth while woman. So the sooner you accept the reality of the situation, the sooner you can do something about it.



Hire a lawyer... a real good lawyer... and divorce him. Just do your best not to harm your children in the process. Always put their needs first.



Good luck. I will pray for you all.

Answer 8

Kick his AZZ to the curb. Get your lawyer now and get the ball rolling. Tell your husband that he does not have your permission at all. Let him know that you do not care how honest he is being he is still an unfaithful lout. File for divorce and tell him, after he is served with the papers, that he has your permission to move in with her now cause he is moving out of your house. What a jerk he is!!!!

Answer 9

Do not divorce yet. Just stay away from him with your kids. And tell him that he still has time to some back to you on the condition that he forgets this other woman.



Now, I know it may not seem right. But you both need to be together for the kids. Divorce is not the solution.



Try you level best to get your husband back to you, get this woman out of your lives and your family happy again.



If it doesn't work out, I think you both will have to divorce.



And yes, please do not give your permission. I am surprised you even asked this question.

Answer 10

He isn't worth the trouble if you already know he is cheating on you. You don't deserve that treatment and he doesn't deserve YOU. Make the move to get on with your life and be a good mother to your precious children. God Bless you.

Answer 11

I would tell him to leave, file for divorce.... life is too short and precious for that kind of hurt and deceitfulness......YOU deserve better, and your children need a better role model for the relationship department. Dont let him keep using you as a door mat..IE: cheaper to keep her...no child support, alimony, and all other consequences that comes from divorce, which will be truly all his fault! Be kind and HONEST to your self, and the right answer will come to you.. that is best for you and your children

Answer 12

HUH?!!! He wants to 'date' her???... and wants your permission??!!!!

He is lucky he is not married to me. Wow... your tough to put up with that nonsense.

You need to get some proof. Have him followed... have pictures taken of them together.... kissing and stuff. Then hang him out to dry in court.

What a complete moron he is.

He must be crazy.

It is too late for marriage counseling... you need to take him to the psychiatrist for serious treatment.

Answer 13

Leave. If it's not bad enough he's cheating in the first place, he is lying about things you already know. You deserve better than that!

Answer 14

You can't be serious! This is ridiculous. Get out of this marriage. Your husband is an inconsiderate jerk! I just can't believe that they want your permission to date! It's like he's your son or something. How stupid!

Answer 15

Leave him. He just wants to have his cake and eat it too. Not fair to you at all. I hear about this stuff happening all the time but I still can't believe there are people out there that selfish.

Answer 16

Why are you even continuing in this marriage?



Get out of it and remove yourself from this destructive relationship.



It's over, you just need to find the strength and determination to do what is right.

Answer 17

Tell him yes. Put it in writing. He can date her one night a week. In return, he agrees that if you decide to leave him, you get custody of the kids.



See how he likes that.

Answer 18

Divorce#

Answer 19

You have to divorce him. You'll never trust him again. How are you going to explain to the kids that Daddy's not home tonight because he is dating another woman?

Answer 20

I can't believe your this stupid! Kick his butt out and then he can just live with her! He will have to after he pays child support for 3 kids he will have no money!

Answer 21

NO NO NO!

dont give permission.

dont listen to him.

dont give him the time of day.

take your get and get out before it just gets worse.

ughh this sucks and im sorry

but you deserve so much better

Answer 22

Take all his money and make him leave, then file for alimony and child support to take the rest! He is a bag of ****....

Answer 23

I would be long gone. You deserve to be with someone who respects you, your family and the sanctity of marriage.

Answer 24

take his to court, dont let him know all the info you have and let him lay in the bed he has made



what a jerk im so sorry

Answer 25

I have no clue why you still let him in your house. Let him go to work tomorrow and change the lock while he is gone.

Answer 26

Honestly I would leave him. There's no reason for someone to do that. That is so disrespectfull, I can't believe.... Ugh.

Answer 27

D~I~V~O~R~C~E He wants your permission to date the whore he is cheating on you with. Are you crazy?...why are you still there?

Answer 28

collect all you information, and see a attorney and get rid of him

Answer 29

e mail me and we can meet and give him some payback

Answer 30

Leave him DUH get a lawyer and make him PAY . If this other womens got any money get a lawyer and sue her butt

Answer 31

ummm one word says it all here... DIVORCE

Answer 32

what??? i would have been soooo far down the road...why are you still there?

Answer 33

leave him

Answer 34

I'd be LONG GONE.