why do some of you automatically assume the worse when hearing SINGLE PARENT??

Question

why is it that whenever there is a question about child support or single parent or the like that someone always has to say something ignorant and dumb like if single parents WILLINGLY WANT TO HAVE DEADBEAT DADS? It makes no sense. Sometimes circumstances are out of our control, and most times you can't help the immaturity of the father to make him grow up and be responsible (I know it applies to deadbeat moms too).

And i know some will say why have a child with them? THINGS HAPPEN. Unless you know the full story of someone stop judging!

Answer 1

I don't understand this myself. Sure there are deadbeat single parents, but then there are marriages that are alot worse than being single. No one should be denied the joy of having a child, as long as one is capable of raising the child properly. Just because someone is married in no way makes them a better parent, my opinion, its a piece of paper, they don't give you child rearing lessons when one gets married that single parents miss out on. There are kids out there with married parents who both are complete deadbeats. I find myself a newly 'throned' single parent after 15 years of doing my damednest trying to work things out. I never in my life wanted to be a single parent, but you're right, things happen, and my childs life will be much more fulfilling without living a life of constant negativity with his father. These women who leave their husbands with multiple children are the strongest, most determined women one can meet. It takes alot to leave, especially if kids involved. All the while a Mother stays in her total dysfunctional marriage, raising her kids in a way less than fair environment. I'll bet on the kids with the single parent to be more adjusted, and emotionally stable when they get older. Instead of staying in a rotten marriage, and messing up your kids. Let these people endure a day in someone else's shoes, and then have them tell me what they think!! By the way, Gee's comment is out of place. I did graduate HS, college, have a great job, and was in the relationship 11 yrs before having a child. However, I found out that the whole time I was being lied to, and not just me, but everyone, no one new the truth, he is a complete manipulator and had everyone fooled. So CIRCUMSTANCES CAN BE OUT OF ONE'S CONTROL, your sarcasm, and apparent hatred of women stems from somewhere, not everyone falls under the same umbrella. Thats just ignorant.

Answer 2

You hear about the 'bad stuff' because it makes better news and gossip. Those married people who live their lives being responsible, raising their children in happy families do not make the news and are not gossiped about and I can tell you there are many such families out there in the world quietly going about living life. Marriage does not make you a better person and it does require effort and for some outside help (and those who need and seek help are very smart to do so). I was a teacher for years and now am a parent as well. Of course there are wonderful single parents out there, but the majority of kids who were well behaved, balanced, well adjusted, etc., etc. came from intact homes with involved parents. An intact family is the best environment for children to be raised. It just is. This does not mean a single parent can't do a great job, but it is better for the kids to have both parents living in the home and being involved on a daily basis. I saw how all home life situations looked in the kids I taught (ages from middle school through high school) and what I experienced made me a believer. *** The funny thing about statistics - they are usually not 'exactly' correct as they can be skewed any way one wants. I read an article about the divorce rate and often marriages that have lasted a long time are not a part of the data. The data is often based on the amount of marriages (counting the licenses) and divorces (using the legal documents) within a certain time frame. So, marriages that have lasted beyond that time frame are not counted. I found that to be eye opening and know the divorce rate is listed higher than it actually is in reality. Also, you come from a place where divorce seems common. I do not. My parents and siblings and my husbands parents and siblings (a total of 11 marriages) and there are no divorces. The marriages range from 10 - 49 years.

Answer 3

My personal opinion on this matter is that single parents cry wolf quite often and those that are playing the system are the ones that that ruin it and give a bad name to all the TRUE single parents that actually work for a living. Just like those GOOD men out there that pay child support, see their kids, are getting a bad name from the deadbeat dads out there that don’t do a damn thing.



Single parents on Yahoo (from what I’ve seen posted) are really out there. All you see and hear are those crying about how to get a man to pay up. Or those that are trying to take their child out of state because they want to. Or those that feel they can stop visitation just because they’re the mother and gave birth and carried a child for 9 months.



I’m well aware there are lots of loser Daddy’s. If you can even call them that. But I also know that it is NOT always the men that are the bad guys. And quite honestly, I don’t think enough of the good stories come out because all those horrible people clouded it for the good.



I’ll speak for myself, but when I post or ask questions about my stepdaughter, I get bashed pretty badly. People don’t know me, don’t know our situation. They don’t know that the mother kept the child a secret for 2 yrs, put another man on the birth certificate, then came crying for money because the other guy left her. And here is a woman that plays the “single Mom” card all the time. I’m sorry she struggles, but at least she has a child with a man that pays his child support and cares for his child. Because lots of other people don’t get that. Yet she still continues to badmouth my husband and act as those he’s a deadbeat. THOSE are the types of single parents I have a problem with. And not because I’m directly associated, because I’ve seen it more than once.



It may not be fair that people assume. But it happens. And unfortunately, you cannot tell a FULL story with all details that matter in the small space of what Yahoo provides. And unless you provide all info, then people don’t know the full story. It is what it is….but on the flip side, it’s also just the internet. Is it THAT big of a deal what people think?

Answer 4

I have to agree with you, and answer Maggie too. I was 32 when I married my husband. He adopted my 2 year old daughter. He was a good man when I married him.. We then had another child together. Things happened and he became an alcoholic. I put up with it way too long and my children started witnessing way too much action. I left and divorced him, so that my children could grow up knowing that that kind of behaviour is unexceptable. I did the right thing. I am protecting my children from an alcoholic who talked suicide just to upset the kids. How would you like to watch as your 9 year old daughter physically tried to keep her daddy out of the bedroom away from his gun and ammo?

I think some people need to think about how they answer questions on here before they start to type. My ex is still a good man, but put a drink in his hand and he is a total maniac. Do not judge people until you have walked in their shoes. That is the best saying I have heard for this situation.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest, people like that just p*** me off.

Answer 5

"Sometimes circumstances are out of our control" & "THINGS HAPPEN" are bullsh*t statements (outside of rape). It's a way to try and avoid individual responsibility.



The bottom line is that people know that f-ing leads to children. The bottom line is that everyone knows that unprotected sex can lead to children. Everyone knows that condoms can break and pills sometimes don't work.



Sexual liberation for women, thats great but understand that it does come with f-ing responsibilities. You spread your legs for a guy that isn't your husband (who you dated and learned would be a great husband / father) than why would you not expect people to Judge you?



People are freaking dumb and women constantly put themselves into the same freaking situation. It's even amazing that these same women don't finish high school, don't go to college and put themselves into a really crappy situation. Frustrating as hell ladies, you do in fact have control of your lives. Your choices and decisions do in fact matter.



The hand writing IS on the wall BEFORE you get married, people refuse to look at the person they are marrying closely. How does he treat his parents, his friends, his other relatives? Is he hard working, have any ambitions? In the course of dating him for over a year or two did he blame you or someone else for HIS problems? Was he constantly checking out other women, did he put you down in front of others or ignore you when he was upset? It's all there, people rush these things and act "suprised" (By the way I'd be highly suspect of someone who was divorced or dated A LOT of other people..jumping from relationship to relationship).

Answer 6

i don't know



but i would like to know why (mostly girls) (sorry) even insist on using the term SINGLE parent?



to me it sounds like there actually looking for a reaction or sympathy.

the way i see it your just a parent, what does being single have to do with that ?

do your hear people say "I'm a marred parent"?



another question how hard did you work in order to make the man want to stay connected to the child(and thus you)?



some woman (not all i know ) the first thing they want to do after the relationship ends is push the man away. its funny how we have children yet can not act like adults when it comes to co-parenting

Answer 7

Because these same people assume that this world everyone is living a white picket fence and that life doesn't take unexpected turns. IT'S CALLED REAL LIFE PEOPLE! And as for that Maggie person, that was rude and not true.. Many single parents hold it down for themselves and the child so maybe its just people YOu know that have nothing going for themselves.

As for another answerer who wrote about ten years of not getting pregnant, well Miss, sometimes you can be on birth control and have safe sex and you can still become pregnant. Maybe you're lucky but others are not--i take that back we are lucky because we have a beautiful child..you're probably lonely and still a virgin! haha



SINGLE MOMS WHO TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN, HAVE CAREERS, JOBS AND STILL LOVE THEIR CHILD ROCK!

Answer 8

I am a single father raising two teenagers without help from their mother or any goverment handout. Many of my friends are divorced fathers who are extremly involved in their childrens lives and pay their support as well. As far as that goes you make what you can out of any situation. Do the Best you can for your kids.

Answer 9

u are 100% right and i thank you for being a single mother taking care of your child my mother left when i was younger and i would never nor could i ever imagine being without my daughter i love to here that u are achieving much success by yourself i respect you sooooooooo much and i am very proud of hearing single women like you are doing it and not making excuses!!! and as far as maggie goes she's obviously not a mother nor should she ever be one!!!

Answer 10

Things don't just "happen" I've been having SAFE sex for 10 years and somehow I've avoided having a baby. Maybe if people waited to get married and didn't hop into bed w/out condoms all the time there wouldn't be so many deadbeats.

Answer 11

Because unless it is from a divorce or a death "single parenting" isn't "an accident". There are no accidents when to people, usually young and not so smart, take off their clothes and have unprotected sex. The result is an unwanted kid. Now here come the judges...or rather...the American taxpayer. They have to dig deeper and deeper into their pockets (because they are the responsible taxpayers) just to feed, clothe and shelter and pay medical expenses for your "accident" or "mistake" Their own children have to do without because they are too broke from paying for "accident" # 1 thru 5 or more because people are so irresponsible that "things happen". Until any of you do grow up and see the light...you will be thought of as dumb, ignorant and certainly irresponsible. "Things happen". You are right. People like me are struggling to raise and provide for YOUR kid.



P.S. You post like that and you are a college graduate?? Bulls*it! I wasn't born yesterday. Don't you think your real "personality" comes out in your posts?? YOU are one that I just described.

Answer 12

ok ur the one judging, i dont think anything bad of those ppl. the father or other parent could have died so there for they r now single. this is a rant and u could get reported. and if the parent is not dead its better to be a single parent than in some abusive relationship.

Answer 13

Only those who have been in that situation understand.

Don't let the petty bulls**t get you down.

Answer 14

cause there dumb im single and i dnt give a damn who have anything to say about it

Answer 15

Because there are too many children answering these questions.



You don't let you children upset you?



So why do you let these children do so?

Answer 16

Single parents rock....



Don't worry about what others think!

Answer 17

things most of the time just the happen, you allow them to happen so dont give us that crap, you could've been on birth control you could've been using a condom a 100% of the time there's no excuse accept, your irresponsibilty.

Answer 18

atta girl!