I couldn't find a job in the local city and found one in a city 3 hours away and my wife won't move?

Question

We have been married 3 year and in the spring I will be 50. We live in a small city where she has lived all her life. Her parents are still there and it seems that everyone we meet on the street, she went to school with. That's find and dandy. 2 months after we got married I lost my job in a neighboring city and i worked my tail off to find a new job. The level that I am at is the director / VP position and those jobs are extremely hard to come by. She wanted me to find something local and I was able to accomplish that and we did not have to move. Two years later, the company made several changes and one again I was out of a job. I was able to find a job within 2 months in a small city 3 hours away that pays better and at the comparable level. My wife has a daughter half way through her junior year and a son in middle school. She does not want to move until the daughter graduates and then won't even talk about moving after that. She is asking me to live in an apartment 18 months alone sending money and come home every weekend. She doesn't make me feel good about our relationship and her eventually moving. When I told her that I would be lonely, she said that I could have my 21 year old daughter and my grandson live with me.

I don't know what to do. Even when I talk to her about spending some time here during the summer when school is out, i get a LOT of excuses about summer camps, bible camp, etc......

I feel like a paycheck and weekend sex. And she gets to stay in her home, her town, her job, her parents, etc...... ANY HELP, or Biblical thoughts?

Answer 1

She should be with you her husband. It is NOT going to hurt the children a bit to move & change schools! My Dad was a preacher, we constantly moved. I've moved 35 times in my life, attended 13 schools in 12 yrs. not even going to kindergarten! It never hurt my sister or myself in moving. Yes, it was hard to make friends as we weren't in one place long enuf to make good friends, BUT, it still did not hurt us a bit. I feel her place belongs with you her husband. She is being selfish & not giving you just consideration whatsoever. You married to be together, to live together. She belongs with you. See if you can convince her of this. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Let her know her place is with her husband regardless of where he is...I DO wish you the best...:)

Answer 2

Wow, I am a woman and I think if I was in that situation i would diffinitly stick by my man. The kids school is an excellent reason not to up and go but if they are smart kids, they should be able to adjust. The only other thing that would make me not want to move is if I also had a job and could not transfer and of coarse it would have to be a real good high paying job. Bottom line, If they will not move with you, and you need the job, do it and dont be blind in the situation though, have your kids keep and eye on her and ask them 20 questions all the time, make sure you have their loyalty and they would tell you if she was to cheat. then go back home when ever you can... every week end is expensive isnt it? and a whole other rent for a separate apartment? Do you get paid that much to afford all that and the normal expenses and activities? RE-THINK YOUR CAREER CHOICE- BUT I SAY TAKE IT! But possible. Make sure they will be going to help you move and stuff?? OH WAIT.... THE KIDS ARE ACTUALLY OLD ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF THEM SELVES!!! WHY DONT SHE GO BACK AND FORTH? JUST WORK IT OUT SO IT IS FAIR AND THAT YOU DONT FEEL SO USED AND ABUSED IN DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU TWO DECIDE. but you may have to man up and take the job, leave her and hopefully she married you with her heart and not just playing you.

Answer 3

Tough one if you really think about it.



You do need to have a job and be financially supportive in your family...but the cost of this will be to pretty much give up everything and feel used for materialistic and potentially physical purposes during weekends.



The best way for you would be to find another career. You should talk to her and ask her what she thinks, if you should keep staying unemployed until you find a job near by, or if you should really live in an apartment for 18 months alone.



18 Months is not that bad if you think about it. Plus, most men your age would do anything for a while off by themselves to have some personal space. Also, in 18 months you can finance your money, and put some in that savings account, or even give yourself a nice present, or plan a family vacation or a romantic cruise with your wife.



I'm not married yet and still quite young but I know I'll crave for some personal, private, alone time in 10-20 years.

Answer 4

Go get your job, find a mistress, and don't send any money home. Support your kids, but not her. Why should you make all the sacrifices while she sits back and does nothing? Relationships are a give and take type of situation, and it sounds like you're doing all the giving. Leave that scab in your dust.

Answer 5

Don't give her the choice. You are the head of the household and you can either be gracious and take her suggestion for a compromise or you can use your 51% vote to sell the house and buy one in the new city. A good way to tell her that you will be moving is to ask her opinion on which house to buy. Don't force a confrontation, rather, just do it. I doubt she will stay mad for long.

Answer 6

find a new career, or maybe show her who has the testicles in the relationship.

Answer 7

She's probably cheating on you or looking to cheat.