What do you think about keeping secrets within a marriage?

Question

Say, your husband has a secret about another family member. Do you feel entitled to know because you are married and shouldn't keep secrets, or does he have a right to keep a secret from you?

My viewpoint is this.. I think that no matter who it is, or what the secret is, you should always tell your spouse. You don't have to gossip, but if they ask you about it, then you should never say "I'm not telling you" because, to me, that is saying that you don't trust your spouse enough to tell them, even though marriage is SUPPOSED to be built on trust. If you care so much about the other person, that you feel you are unable to share ANYTHING with your husband/wife, then I think there is more than a trust issue in the marriage... What do you think?

Answer 1

no secrets it ruins marriages

Answer 2

I don't think everything has to be told. If he didn't want to reveal the secret, he never should have brought it up to tantalize you with it. He may feel he is trying to protect that family member or prevent shame or embarassment for them, and if you think he is really trying to do the honorable thing by not mentioning an unmentionable, there is a certain point where you should gracefully let go. Now if he is just keeping it secret to torture you, then he should not do that. It totally depends on what the secret is.

Answer 3

I believe that there may be some secrets that should be kept to one's self, if there is a chance that someone could be hurt if the secret gets out. If someone asks me not to tell, I tell them I won't as long as I don't feel it is something my spouse should know about. My sister-in-law told me something at one time about her ex that would have put my husband in a RAGE (he's very protective of his sisters). I decided that it would be best to keep my mouth shut, and I did just that. I believe it all depends on the situation.

Answer 4

I believe in open communication - and "no secrets"...to a point.

If your husband has a secret about a family member that he just isn't willing to share, I think you need to respect his decision not to share that.



Think about this...if he told you the secret about this other family member, then it would be okay for him to tell that family member secrets about you, right?

Answer 5

But if it is secret about another family member, doesn't he owe that family member his loyalty, also? Would you have as much trust in him to be able to keep your secrets, if he told you another family members secret after being sworn to secrecy?



I would not expect my husband to tell me a secret that another family member told him in confidence. I would have more of a trust issue with him if he couldn't keep the secret.

Answer 6

There are some things that a friend may tell me about her marriage that was told to me in the strictest confidence. It is NOT my husband's business what is happening in my friend's marriage. Even if he asks. If she wanted him to know, she would have told both of us, or she would have said, "It's okay if you tell your husband about this. Maybe he has a different point of view we haven't thought of." Part of being a good friend is knowing how to keep a secret. It is called integrity, and it is one of the things my husband loves about me.

Answer 7

Even in the best relationships - and we've been happily married 36 yrs. - there is no big need for absolute, 100% disclosure.



We trust one another, and don't relate to one another as if we're "under oath."



People are entitled to some personal space and trust goes a long way...

Answer 8

is the secret that he has going to turn u into a bullistic *****

some secrets arebest left alone

some are to protect well being of another (ignorance)

shouldsomesecrets be shared

yes but think of others before telling

Answer 9

I would hope that my husband would be able to share everything with me, but at the same time, if I knew that it was a secret that he had concerning SOMEONE ELSE in his family, then I know that it doesn't concern me and I would NEVER ask him to betray his confidence with that person.



If he felt that you needed to know, he would share it with you. It may not be his secret to share.

Answer 10

Man, i feel the same way, my husband is always keeping secrets from me about his family, i hate him so much for always lying about dumb things, but hey, he doesn't tell me, because he thinks i'm going to tell the whole world. And i could care less now, cause i hate his family, they just wanna bring us down.

Answer 11

i think as married couple that u and him can share secrets but not the secrets of other people because simply that is none of ur business when its his friends or family who trusted him with it and i really think if he wanted to tell you he would share that kind of information and trust me its not about trust its about understanding be4 trust and well gurl understand when it is not ur business and that is not ur place to ask unless he shares something about someone else with you,,,,

Answer 12

Do you tell him everything that happens in your day? no you don't. If you respect him then respect the secret he must have a good reason for not telling you. Trust goes both wayz

Answer 13

I think a certain amount of secrets are necessary.



Just as you don't always say what you may be thinking.



Honesty is not always the best policy IE "do I look fat in this dress?"

Answer 14

No secrets at all - each of your lives should be an open book to the other.

Answer 15

i dont belive its a trust issu with you. its probley that the person who told him trusted him enough to do so and by telling even you could break that trust. if it has nothing to do with you then you should respect that person enough not to involve yourself. and it sounds like you have some trust issues with your husband. dont make your husband comprimise his integrety to soothe your need to impose on other peoples business.

Answer 16

Maybe he feels the secret is on a need to know basis and you don't need to know?

Answer 17

I don't think that there should be any secrets of any kind.If there is one you can best believe there are more about who knows what.

Answer 18

I agree with you. No secrets between husband and wife...except maybe their Christmas present. :)

Answer 19

You should be able to tell your spouse everything. I believe that if you can't tell your spouse then maybe it shouldn't be your business. If they can't know, you shouldn't know.

Answer 20

sorry i am bias,i think marriage is an out dated practice,that should be discontinued.