ADVICE NEEDED.....what's the next move?

Question

I found out last night, my husband signed up for Ashley Madison.com the most pathetic website in the world that helps married men/women cheat. He's apologizing up and down telling me that he loves me and he would never do that! I'm so sick to my stomach. Tomorrow is our anniversary, we have a two year old and I'm 6 months pregnant. I love this man! I can't let this go... it's too hard. What's the next move? Any advice would be much appreciated. Please don't judge, I'm just looking for advice. And leaving to me is not the answer. Thanks!

Answer 1

Forgive and forget... a little laxative slipped into his food might make you feel better though.

Answer 2

He messed with the trust you had for him. That's a hard one to get back. It will take time. What do you think would have happened if you hadn't found that he had signed up?



It's a lot easier to forgive and move through this than an affair, but counseling would be good because obviously there is something drawing him away from you and towards an affair. Those pathetics don't even need to start with the flirting, they just jump straight to bed.



He needs to be straight up with you about everything now. No secrets whatsoever. I hope for your sake that getting busted this early in an infidelity made him wake up and realize what's most important to him and how much he hurt you.

Answer 3

You said, you love your husband. Did you trust him? May be he just signed up for curiosity. Did you ask him why? Sometimes our husband need space. They have a circle of friends too. Sometimes they talk about things in the web, like tagged, facebook, friendster, ashley madison and many others on the web.Let him explore to let him know of what are inside this page... May be what you feel is just a matter of hormonal changes in you body because you are pregnant. You trust him and you know him more than any one else in the world.

Answer 4

If your not going to leave him than the two of you need marital counseling. You may need some one-on-one counseling to help you 'let go' of issues that are truly out of your control. You need to address why your marriage has gotten off track, having 2 children in three years can DRAMATICALLY change the dynamics of a relationship, some for the better, some not. He may feel he has lost his wife along the way when you put your focus on being a mother.

Answer 5

To Get Over It You Will Have To Forgive Him First, Try To Focus On His Positive Attributes And Make Him Promise Not To Stray

Answer 6

He's just sent you a signal that something is wrong, not neccessarily with you but with him. I have found that most guys get married because of sex, they got it early in the relationship and ended up getting married for sexual reasons. You have to understand that as soon as you had sex with him your persoonal relationship ended and it became a sexual one, that he now knew what he had to do for sex and that is what has kept him around. But your personal relationship has been dead and he's looking for something that connects with him because he isn't finding that in you. I'm not trying to be cruel with this, it's more about facts. If you think about it how often do you and hubby sit and talk about 'things', or do you mainly talk about the things that need to be done and that's it? Most people find that's where they are in life. If you want to do anything to save your marriage you are going to have to be completely open and honest with him and him with you. You are going to have to start with him telling you exactly why he went onto that site. Don't judge him, try to understand why he did to see if you can figure out if there is something you can do differently to fulfill his fantasy that he had to have had. It may not feel comfortable to do it but I know of no other way to get in there and work on it so that it will work for you. Otherwise you will have someone who is going to be looking for a way to do the same thing without getting caught next time. Right now I see him as having one foot out the door already. You are the one who has to make him pull it back in by doing whatever it is that is going to do that. But communication is the basis for anything that is going to happen.

Answer 7

Ok it is possible he was just looking and having a bit of a fantasy (just to see if he is still attractive to the opposite sex yada yada yada) At this point I think you need to let it go as I have heard of a lot of men feeling confused whilst their wife is pregnant. Make sure he knows just how much this has hurt you and that you are doing him a big favour by letting it go. You then need to do just that. Let it go.

Answer 8

Try to spice things up. You can both sign up for ashleymadison.com, find another couple or single woman to join you and your husband in the bedroom for a 3sum or 4sum. Also, visit the local adult store and pick up some toys and videos to add a little excitement into your non existent sex life..

Answer 9

My advice to you is to now be prepared for the fact that he may cheat on you in the near future or at least has already...you have to at least think about that...but more than anything, that certainly sends a strong signal to you about how he truly feels about your marriage, or at least this time in your marriage...men that love their women strongly, and I mean strongly, wouldn't do that...the old saying is actions speak louder than words...

Answer 10

Go see a marriage counselor if you can afford it. He will go with you if he wants to stay married. I feel so bad for you but be strong and dont blame yourself. He obviously has problems and should probably be seeing a counselor as well to deal with his issues. Also, stay on guard and trust your instincts. If it feels like he's cheating on you, you're probably right.

Answer 11

This is what you should do, today, you sign up, and see how the site works, then, you ask him for his password and you see if he's been talking to other girls and agreeing to meet with them. You also get his email password. If he's done nothing wrong, he should have no problem giving these to you, so you can see for yourself. If he balks at this, he's lying and cheating.

Answer 12

He has breached your trust. Try living with him and that for the rest of your life. It will be difficult. Try counseling, but he still must earn your trust back no matter what happens.

Answer 13

marrige is now over. find someone new