How do you successfully talk to your spouse about difficult issues?

Question

and how successful has this method been for you and your spouse?

I want to makes sure I have a happy marriage, I have been married 4.5 months. I read that not being about to talk about difficult issues can cause problems later.

Answer 1

some spouses can talk things out, resolve problems, but if the person your trying to talk to builds up walls and refuses to talk it can be difficult to ever resolve anything.

Answer 2

While I do not understand what you mean by successfully talking to your spouse, I assume you are indicating the ability to just be able to talk to your spouse about issues that either one of you considers difficult. One of the more important qualities of any good relationship is the ability to keep a communication channel constantly open.It becomes more critical after marriage. I will suggest that if you do not have that now in your relationship to make the effort to develop the ability (all it calls for is understanding and a give and take style). As far as your problem goes, simply pick a day and time when you are both relaxed (maybe the kids are in bed if you have any), say something like "honey there is an issue that requires both of our consideration and input."Do not be angry, screaming , argumentative,or giving blame before you have had a chance to discuss it as that can be a turn off. After due consideration in which you consider the pros and cons of the issue rather than who is right or in control , you will find your answers and solutions. I wish you both many years of happy married life and good luck.I also want you to think about an old saying that says "do unto others as you want done to you".

Answer 3

Hi, how long were you together before you got married? Is there something you are dealing with that has prompted you to ask this question? If so, perhaps a little background information could help formulate a more helpful answer. Honestly, certain types of issues might require different tactics for successful discussion. If there is any issue that I feel may cause a discord at some point in the future of my relationship, I always try to make sure he is fully aware of all aspects of the situation. Having him prepared to deal with things takes some of the stress out of the conversation. If it is something really personal, just be open and honest and make sure the other person knows you aren't attacking them and that you just want to resolve the issue peaceably.

Answer 4

Establish communication protocols with your spouse. Many couples talk before going to sleep at night, lying together in bed. If a weekly check-in is more your style, suggest that. You might also consider setting aside time each week in these early months to discuss what you see as possibly causing problems.



However, before doing any of this, it's important to discuss with your spouse how he/she handles conflict with loved ones. Ideally, this is the kind of conversation people will have when they're dating--it can help avoid a lot of problems later.



My wife and I talk before bed, and we often talk during the day on the weekends, just spending time together.



Difficult issues are only difficult because we've allowed ourselves, culturally, to become closed off to the idea of discussing them. The minute we realize that these so-called difficult issues are the real stuff of life, the stuff that will make or break a marriage, we can begin to commit to the work of growing into a more loving relationship with our spouse.

Answer 5

You should never bring the talk up when you or him are angry or hormonal. You should always talk calmly and express your feelings honestly but without finger pointing. You should come to the conversation with a bit of an open mind. Understand that there is a possibility (if ever how small) that you may be wrong in your belief.

And most of all you need to respect your partners feelings and opinions even if they are completely wrong.

and if you are lucky to be in a happy marriage....

There will be issues that you agree on, issues that you compromise on and issues that you agree to disagree on.

But a talk should be just that a talk. If the conversation gets too heated you should take a break, sleep on it and then try to see the others point of view when after you are calm.

Marriage isn't easy but it doesn't need to be difficult either!

Answer 6

1. Timing is everything. There are times of the month (doing bills) and times in the day (just home from work) that are just bad times to discuss problems.

2. Don't go on the attack and try not to get defensive. Talk about feelings.

3. Sometimes a discussion won't fully be done when both people just need to take a breather away from each other.

4. Remember that you love each other.



Most of the time successful and other times not at all. When it hasn't been successful it is because emotions are high and timing was bad.

Answer 7

I have been married for 5 yrs and we talk about difficult issues much more easily than we did in the beginning.



Sometimes I email him when I know it is a subject that will make me cry (like his mother being cruel to our baby) and I know when I start to cry his brain shuts off.



Sometimes I just have to get angry and let it out, not with yelling but with the truth and the I won't tolerate that type of statement. Like when he didn't get me a Christmas present one year because I was a new stay at home Mom and he was fully supporting us.



Fast forward to now, my son is 4 and hubby would do anything to keep me from working outside the home. He brings up anything that bothers him right on the spot. I stew, send an email or just simply bring it up and let him know how I feel.



We have one major rule when it comes to conflict. If it means more to the other one than you give in and let them have their way.



We never spend over $100 without discussing it first. No matter who makes more money.



We always no matter what make all plans and decisions with each other and tolerate no guilt trips from either Mother about who spends more time with the kids or what we do on holidays. We, our family comes first and we are adults and we make our own decisions.



We are very close to my family and they do come before his family. That is because he is fighting cancer and his family has proven useless over the past 10 months and we now know without a doubt who we can count on.



Just find your best way to talk, and never go to bed without a good night kiss or leave the house without a good bye kiss or enter without a hello kiss.



I have a 17 yr old daughter and we gross her out, it keeps the spark alive with us and shows her the kind of adult relationship she should strive for, our son too.



Good luck!

Answer 8

Successfully talking to a spouse is learning how to word things. You can come out and say what you are thinking or you can be tactful, not sounding accusing. Wording is the key.

Answer 9

be honest and firm being careful not to be too harsh

from my exp if your spouse can't handle the difficult issues then the marriage is over - i left my wife after 2 years she refused to be reasonable and accept any responsibility

Answer 10

I simply go and talk about it. I am very brutal with the truth. A woman was hitting on my husband and I threatened to beat her senseless. I am 20 years younger and I am physically fit! She broke a leg falling down and I told her that karma bit her rear. I told her that if she ever sends her weird E mails, I will break her leg again. The first was an accident. My husband and I work together and this stupid broad is in our social circle! God helped her break her leg because she likes to mess around with married men.

Answer 11

You already said it, just talk to each other. Don't get angry if you disagree. Compromise when needed and do work around's for those things you cannot agree on. Have respect for each other and each others feelings. It's not about who is right or wrong or better or not. It's about communication and respect.

Answer 12

I'd say your best bet is to talk about that concern you have with him. Make it a concern for him too. That way it's half as likely to happen.

Answer 13

it's pretty much hit or miss. usually, one of us has just enough skill in listening to figure out the other one is truly upset. i can't imagine a situation where neither has this ability.