My husband no longer wants kids?

Question

My husband and i always agreed that when we reached our late 20s we would stars trying for kids. When i brought it up the other day he told me he no longer wanted kids.I really love him and want to stay with him but I also want a life with kids. What should i do? He wont listen to me

Answer 1

I don't mean to be rude.



But you either don't have kids or leave him and try to get another guy to propose marriage... Which in this day and age isn't as easy to find as it was back in 1950. Now most guys just want "girlfriends" and no marriage, the ones that are interested in marriage will wait around years before proposing and you are already almost 30. After 35, it's not recommended that you have kids, sure celebs and other career women have kids at 40+...but that's taking risks , I mean, what's better ? A 20 something year old womb or aging 40+ year old womb ?



So, if you leave him at almost 30, you'd have to throw yourself into the dating world all over again and find a guy, let's face it you'll probably go through several bad dates before you find one good one, then date him and wait around for him to propose to you which could take two years or more... So now that places you at 33...34... Before you can even try for a baby.



Meanwhile, you already have a guy that loves you, don't throw it away for what could be...



Also I do not suggest you get pregnant on "accident" he will not want to help you with the kid later and then you'll be stressed out and fatigued and daily fights will arise and then before you know it you'll get a divorce and become a single mom... Sure you might have seen or heard of some "accidental" pregnancies with happy endings, but what if yours doesn't ? He doesn't want a kid. Sorry

Answer 2

IN this situation you really only have two choices stay with your man and say no to motherhood or leave him and find a guy who wants kids. I have to be blunt though many guys do not want kids these days and most times have them just to make the wife happy which can lead to misery and divorce cause the guy never wanted baggage like kids.



It is not getting any cheaper to live and this day and age having kids is for the wealthy or just the dumb who think that a baby will make the marriage better; which it doesn't it just causes undue stress and anxiety and usually destroy the marriage.



Having kids is not mandatory in marriage unless you want like a year of sleepless nights and whining while trying to do some grocery shopping why have them. Get a dog instead they do not live as long so your not having to worry about lifelong baggage and they are more loyal and better behaved than most kids.

Answer 3

Does any of your cute neighbors want any?

I am joking of course.. Here is the straight facts about this. Every relationship is made up of 3 distinct areas (The White, Gray, and Black areas). White is roughly 10%, Black is roughly 15% and Gray is the remaining 75%. Everything that falls into the white are things you hold dear to you, things you MUST have in order to be you and you won't compromise over them. The Black area are things that you will under no circumstances tolerate in a relationship. These are your deal breakers. Then the Gray area is everything else that can be compromised on.

What you have to decide here is having a life in which you never have children and grow old with that one person and never build a family something that falls into the Gray or the Black area for you. If it is in the Black then you need to sit down and let him know honestly that this is a deal-breaker for you and not what you signed up for when you two got married. If he can be reasonable and this for him is something that he feels comfortable negotiating on then you two can likely make it work. If having kids is a deal-breaker to him then you two don't have the compatibility to be together.

Answer 4

The desire to have a child if that is what you have always wanted, is often much stronger than the desire to stay in a marriage where the partner isn't on the same page. I would talk to him about this and if he doesn't want to discuss it, I would tell him that you expect him to get a vasectomy so there will be no accidents. He will if he is serious about not ever having children. He won't if he just means he doesn't want them with you. You will then have the true answer about his intentions, and then you can decide what you really want. I believe his change of heart is grounds for an annulment , as well. Because he wasn't honest about his intentions.

Answer 5

He might change his mind soon enough when you both get a bit older but also he may not. The thing you have to think about is if you stay with him and don't have kids, will you live to regret it when you are older? I know a woman who stayed with her husband even though she wanted kids and he didn't and she wishes now that she had been a mother. If this is something you truly want don't just forget about it. Hope it all gets sorted out.

Answer 6

Firstly ask him what has changed, and why he has changed his mind. Are his reasons valid?

Second ask yourself is the relationship in a solid condition (no long term fight, petty arguments, solid financially, no recent break-ups or walk outs, affairs etc.)- if its not its understandable why he might not want to bring kids into the mix now.

Or the other possibility is that while he wanted you, he never wanted kids, and by putting them off as something that would happenm in the long distant future, he thought it wouldn't come up again, but now thta it has.... Be careful that it doesn't become something you put off until its too late, if its something your heart is set on.

But bottom line is, if this isn't how you see yourself living the rest of your life, then you do need to re-think this relationship.

Answer 7

Okay these other ppl are on two ends of the spectrum...1. I dont think u should be so quick to divorce and 2. I think rondo or whatever is a ******* idiot and you definitely wont be nagging haha what the hell? So i think this is definitely a big deal and you should definitely be upset about it and talk to him, i mean yall are husband and wife it shouldnt be hard to talk to him about it at all?? If he is being a major *** and is 100% no as in no forever then yeah i would considet a divorce forsure....that being said i would probably give it a few months but if he is still saying no then i think boom you need to pull the trigger and divorce, you dont need to waste anymore time on him. Thats a shitty situation hope it works out!

Answer 8

Please read this and then read it again. It is said with all honesty and in hopes that you will understand the points. While I do not defend him, I also think he has as much right to decide things or change his mind as you do as a woman. This will sound hard at first, but since you are the female, I have a hard time having sympathy for you to a point. Let me explain why. Now do I believe he is acting right? No. He said things you thought you should be able to count on and you based much on his words. You should be able to base much on his words just as he should upon yours. But I also have trouble having sympathy for you as the female because his actions right now are just normal behavior out of women and we are constantly told that women have a right to decide for their own body, for their own wants, for their own future and they have the right to change their mind even if it means the guy gets hanged out to dry because he believed what she said earlier. Women constantly bemoan that if a man loved them he would be understanding and this and that and the other. But when a guy pulls this, suddenly he is satan? Well, that is self serving b.s. and women deserve no better than they give in my view. So that opens a lot of women up to hell on earth.



Look, you also have to think of something regardless of your dislike of it. Marriage and having kids is hugely unfair to men, especially if at some point mommy dearest decides she wants a divorce, even if for no good reason. The guy gets stuck with the bill and is vilified no matter what. For a man today to marry is nuts. To have a kids is just asking to get creamed.



No, I do not hate women. No, I do not think he is being fair. No, I do not think bait and switch is cool. But lady, from the b.s. I have seen women put men through, it is really hard for me to have much sympathy for you even if he is wrong. Because if the roles were reversed right now, 100 women would be screaming that the guy is a toad and never loved you or he would not think of leaving you even if you will not produce his kids.



Please think of all that. Please read many of the questions and answers on here. I do not think it will take long for the points of my answer to be proven many times over. Plus what did your vows commit you too? They say nothing about having kids or getting your way or being happy now do they? And that he wont listen to you means what? When was the last time you saw a woman really pay attention or listen to what a man said and then go along with it? Probably not often.

Answer 9

Having kids and not having kids is no reason to get divorced. These people responding no no better because they aren't governed by love. You must be governed by love. Yes he told he wanted kids and he will want kids at some stage.



You are young so go on holidays and enjoy life, don't bring up kids for another year, show him you love him show him you care about him. Make sure his not looking at porn, if he is then put computers in a public area, if his got porn on his phone then he needs to get help. Make it your priority to love him and make you the centre of his world. LOVE HIM unconditionally, be wise and think about what he likes and loves to do. Treat him like this is the only life you will have and you going to make it great one day at a time. He will want to have kids with you, it's because your too young that he wants to enjoy life, having kids is alot of work, ALOT OF WORK.

Answer 10

You clearly want different things, and unfortunately you can't force it because children is such a big question. It's like when someone doesn't want to have sex, you can't force it because no means no. So, now the ball is in your court, it's either him without children, or leaving him and finding someone who does want children(with option 2 you may need to wait a good few more years because obviously you need to get to know the guy, marry(optional) then kids). It may be a wee phase that he is frightened, so have a chat and see if that's the case, and if so, help him gain his confidence back with the idea of children.

Answer 11

If he is not listening to you on such an important matter that affects your happiness it is doubtful that he ever cares for you. A child is a blessing for a couple . A man who says he does not want to have a child is someone without any human feelings. You may be in love with him but what do you get in return when he does not want to make you happy .Discuss the matter with him and tell him how unhjappy you are .If he is still adamant you will have to think seriously whether it will serve any purpose of spending the rest of your life with a man who does not care for his wife's hapiness .

Answer 12

I don't blame him. Kids are a big responsibility, maybe he thinks you guys aren't good financially or emotionally. It can cause a rift in y'alls relationship. They say couples without kids are happier since they can focus more on each other. And the way this world is today it's too hard to bring another kid into this world. Be glad he wants none then wants a bunch. Take this as a way to travel and save more money.

Answer 13

What you do is decide which is more important to you, your marriage or having kids. When you decide which it is, then you pursue that future and leave the other behind.



Sometimes people change their mind about having (or not having) children. It's unfortunate when ones partner feels differently and thought they were on the same page about the issue, but he shouldn't be forced to have kids he doesn't want...and you shouldn't feel forced to do without children if you really want them.

Answer 14

I can't say I blame him. Children are a huge responsibility. I would rather focus on my boyfriend/eventually husband, animals, and career. I've never been very motherly, though, except to animals. Lol.



Is your relationship with your husband important enough to you that you can deal with not having children? Or will you resent him for this decision for years to come? That's something important to consider.

Answer 15

if he doesn't want kids then he would not make a good father ,im sure he is a good man ,look around you and see what the planet is becoming .now think of down the road 20 years what it will be like if we don't nuke the planet first .do you really want to bring kids into what is coming ??? enjoy other peoples children of ,family or friends

Answer 16

Try to find out who your husband really is.



While some people do change their minds on a topic such as this, a large percentage say whatever they think they need to say to enter into a marriage. And later they "no longer" want what they claimed earlier they wanted.



As a male, the woman I married lied to me. This happens to some people. (I applied for legal annulment and received it.)



Try to find out who your husband is. That might help you decide whether to stay with him or leave.

Answer 17

He married you and told he he wanted to have children, now he says he no longer wants children, I feel this is a game changer for you. It may be time to re-evaluate your marriage. If you want children and never have any, you will resent him forever, your marriage is over, if you want kids. I would let him know that you married him with the understanding he wanted to have a family, if he no longer wants a family maybe it is time to consider a divorce, as you want a family. Than start making plans to find your own home or ask him to leave.

Answer 18

If you do not have the same life goals, the marriage will not work. You will resent him for his decision to remain childless, and the marriage will not be happy.

If you force him into children, it will be the other way around. It's lose lose. He has to want them or you have to NOT want them. Easier said than done.

Or divorce. Find someone who is on the same page as you, and sees themself in the same place as you 10 years down the road. You and your husband right now are on seperate streets.

Answer 19

This came up in my marriage. I told her, "I want to have a child with someone." She decided she would rather have a child with me than have me have children with someone else. Later it turned out that the child wasn't mine. You may think that is not relevant, but there is the possibility your husband already has kids with someone else and expects more kids from that woman..

Answer 20

he broke the deal. if you can't see living your life without being a mother you should divorce. he won't change his mind and you definitely don't want children with a man who doesn't want them. accidentally getting pregnant or getting pregnant accidentally on purpose are bad ideas. stop having sex now before it happens. lots of women think that a man who does not want kids will just learn to love one if it just "happens." this is not true. bad juju. if you are certain you can live life without kids then you should stay, since you don't want to leave because you do love him, but if you have the slightest inkling you will regret not leaving and finding someone who does want them, you should not stay. it's your decision, good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 21

Simple answer, pack your bags and hit the road. You don't need a long-winded answer! You will never be happy without kids and always hate him so don't waste your time with him. You appear to be young enough to start over so START OVER with someone who wants kids.

Answer 22

If he's not giving you what you need in a relationship, move on. Either you have to sacrifice for him or he has to sacrifice for you. Children are very important to you. Being a mother is one of the most fulfilling things any woman can do. He changed the rules, he does not deserve you!

Answer 23

"I really love him and want to stay with him but I also want a life with kids."



He has made it clear that you can't have both. Time to decide what's more important to you: the relationship with him or your future as a mother of children. Nobody can make that choice for you.

Answer 24

That's pretty messed up on his part. It's one thing if you never talked about it before, but if he agreed to it and then decided not to go ahead then that's a messed up trick. Did he at least give a good reason?



I would say you may have to divorce.

Answer 25

go to couples marriage counseling. If he wont go or continues to say he wants no children then you need to leave him for a man who wants kids or accept not having kids. he is a horrible person if he lied to you and said he wanted kids and then after being married says he doesnt. that is evil to do to someone, his wife aka you. Personally i would seek counseling together and divorce him if if doesnt change. what you want is important and you deserve to be with a man who wants kids!

Answer 26

You need to respect his wishes, both for his sake, and the well being of any potential children, who deserve to come into this world because they are wanted by both parents. You also need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you , or not. If it is, you will need to end the relationship and to find someone else who does want children. Best wishes and good luck, Dr.S

Answer 27

Listen to your husband, you really don't want kids.

Answer 28

You were suppose to ask/answer that question before you married him and made the promise that you would love each other, and only each other through thick and thin, for better or worse. You already made promises you aren't going to honor. Why did you bother marrying him knowing he might change his mind down the road?

Are kids more important than the promises you made to him, your witnesses and to God?

Then to top it off you come here and ask total strangers how you should deal with with a problem asking for a solution only you can make?

You should be talking to him and a counselor, not asking a bunch of strangers how hard you should roll your craps dice

Answer 29

Tell him kids or you leave.

Having a kid is easy as finding a random penis to squirt inside of you. It's not hard.

Answer 30

Guess you have a decision to make him, or kids .. That's messed up he changed his mind like that.. I think this is a marriage ender.. If you don't have kids you will resent him, if you do,he will possibly resent you..ouch! Sorry..

Answer 31

no body wants kids , they are god damn annoying , wait why am i even alive ?

im not a cannibal but sure id love to roast cook kids and eat em with lots of hot sauce and pepper on it

not without a glass of coke

they are a major over population problem

Answer 32

Really be an adult here and listen to him. He does not want kids. I loved a man once who wanted sex but not me. Finally I woke up. So WAKE UP, and smell the coffee.

Answer 33

just ask him what's wrong. If you have kids, you may love them, but he may not. Children is pretty much something that you both have to agree on.

Answer 34

if having a child is so important to you but not to him then you will either have to change his mind or change yours. or leave him. what ever you do, though , never try forcing the issue by having an un planned pregnancy because this really will lend up in tears.

Answer 35

Well, you have to choose what you want - him or kids. If you want kids, then you have to file for divorce and find a guy that wants kids.

Answer 36

It is wise not to want kids if you already have two children

Answer 37

Gee only you can decide how much you want kids vs how much you want your current marriage to work. You decide.

Answer 38

Nag him until he leaves you. But I'm just a divorce lawyer so you probably don't want my opinion.

Answer 39

Family completes with kids, without them there is no point of family.

Answer 40

wow, i cant believe he changed his mind on you like that ! , well , unfortunately this marriage will not work out, I personally would say somehting like , well then I cant be with you if you dont want children, this is something we agreed to, and now you changed your mind after marrying me, and divorce ( if he doesnt change his mind)

Answer 41

the husband is the head of the home, you need to respect his his view. but you can ask him in a respectful way why or why not. DONT NAG!!! it just makes matters worse.

Answer 42

get him drunk/ hons.push him into the bed hons. ride that poney hons. all night long. hope you get pregant hons.

Answer 43

darude sanstorm