Should I have another baby?

Question

My husband wants to have one, our daughter is 20 months old. I had a miscarriage in dec, and was actually relieved because I don't know if our relationship is strong enough for another child. We're struggling with compatibility, and I've been unhappy in the marriage for quite some time. He knows this, I think he might think another baby will make things better. I know this is not true. I love my daughter and had always planned to have my children 2-3 years apart. Now, I don't know if I'm ready, but he is, and it's "about that time". I went back on birth control after the m/c, not that it matters since we' almost never have sex anymore. Should I get pregnant to complete my family and make him happy? Will things just "fall into place?" Or will I regret it and resent him for it?

Answer 1

First get your relationship in order with your husband. Another child is only going to put more distance between you and he because these early years of child rearing simply does that...and if its bad now it may only get worse and thats not a good thing for anyone including your children. Seek counseling if necessary...but try and stick to your plan...# of kids and spacing...I regret not having the amount I always thought of...just thought 2 was enough but now wish it was more...I should have addressed the issue that made me quit at 2...it was social issues with spouse too...good luck

Answer 2

NO please NO Do not get pregnant with this guy at this time. Wait Wait second thought

Lets think on this.

You are with a man you do not love.

You have no relationship.

You are struggling with compatibility

You are unhappy in the marriage

There is no sex????.

This sounds like the place I would like to be born in. and grow up in.



First work on the relation ship. Communication is very important in any relation ship. Tell him you really want to have a child. With the man you fell in love with when you first got married but he is not here any more what did I do wrong to you.. Have a paper with the thing you BOTH need to work on. You need just as many things you do wrong as him. Ask him what you can do for him to love you like he did on the wedding night and mean it. Ask him if he can bring back the thing that was there when you first got married. Where does you 20 Month old sleep? What time do you go to bed to make love to YOUR husband. HE IS YOUR HUSBAND the man you picked to have your daughter. Marriage takes two Ask him what you can do for him.So he will want to make love to you like he wanted to do before you was married. It is much easier to fix a marriage then to brake one and make a new one. You have one child. Do you love this child enough to put back the love with your daughters father.if you can not fix this marriage do not have an other child. Get out of it. Please work on it first it can be fixed and you will feel much better if you can fix your marrage then destroy it. I'm sure if your daughter was older she would tell you she loves her dad.

Answer 3

I think you already know the answer, but here is an example.



Woman is married young, has two children, finds she has allergies to every form of birth control, three children, miscarriage, four children, husband says he will get vasectomy, miscarriage, five, after number five, right as she comes home with baby, husband says he will not get vasectomy because...he may get remarried one day and want children.



Completing your family is NOT in the amount of your children, it is the relationship you have with the other parent that makes the family. If he knows you are un happy and thinks a child will fix things , it won't. If your marriage is miserable, nothing will complete your family. If you love him, try counseling, but don't have another baby while your marriage is sick.

Answer 4

Since you just had a miscarriage not too long ago i would ask your doctor before trying to concieve again so soon. Also if your marriage is not good then do not get pregnant right now. Right at this point in your life you need to be working on your marriage and trying to better it with your husband. Seek marriage counseling for you and your husband first. If you get pregnant at this point i feel it will not help your marriage at all. If anything it will make it worse. Work on the marriage first and then once things are better and happy again then have another child. JMHO.



http://www.marriagetoday.org



http://www.drphil.com

Answer 5

Maybe your husband wants you to stay with him and thinks a baby will make you commit to it. Don't think marriage is the answer to being happy. Men usually add to the problems in the marriage relationship and expect their wives just to deal with it. Another relationship would just bring the same type of thing. Men are acceptable, their wives accountable for mistakes. You are correct, having another baby won't change anything for the better. Your husband isn't concerned that you just had a miscarriage and having another baby would not be healthy for you. If anyone takes care of you, it has to be you. Things just don't fall into place. Resentment is a real possibility, but don't expect help dealing with it. This world is nuts! Religion doesn't help either. If you believe in God, all things are possible with him.

Answer 6

I really think that you should wait because you two are not in agreement with each other on this. Plus you are already struggling with compatibility and being unhappy in the marriage. How is it by having another baby going to change things with your marriage? It is not the baby that will make it change, it has to be you and your husband that needs to change.



Having another baby will not make things better, it may make things worse, because you have problems already that have not been fixed yet. Work on your marriage problems now and then have another child. Just make sure you two are in agreement with wanting another child.



You should wait until 'both of you' are ready.



Consider reading, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"



Remember, just love your daughter and love your husband. This is what keeps you together.

Answer 7

First, you need to accept your husband for who he is. A lot of people get married when they are in love, and think that it will be like that till the end. We all begin to get to know the person we married a lot better and there are things that we don't like about them. Soon, some people may feel they have made a mistake, but in reality, any relationship you get into will be like the one you are in now. Just try to remember why you married your husband and let your guard down and let him truly know how you feel. About the baby, you know the answer to that question. You said that you were very relived about the miscarriage, so there's your answer. Focus on getting close to your husband again. The love was there once, you can get it back again ONLY if you believe you can.

Answer 8

You have to do whats best for you. IF you are unhappy now, you will probably leave him eventually, so when you do that its almost like being a single parent. (not to say that he wont be there for his children) but you have to keep that in mind. Only you know if you are ready for something like that. Having kids is not the answer to an unhappy relationship. Yall already have one, and your unhappy. So your going to have another one, and yall might be happy for the a little while because any baby/newborn is an exciting time! But then the baby settles in...and then your unhappy again...so then what? Have another baby?

Answer 9

1. If you have to ask, then no, you shouldn't have another one. You aren't ready.

2. If you do have one and things don't work out, your paragraph reads that you would use your husband as the excuse. Don't go there!

3. Both of you could probably benefit from some counseling. If you don't agree to get some as a couple, then you both are definitely on the wrong path to a successful relationship. Please stabilize your relationship between each other and with daughter before committing to bringing another child in to it.

4. Good luck.

Answer 10

GET counselling.



Your marriage could survive.....if you wait to have your next child.



Stop and think of how fast your marriage is moving. You both need to stop and take inventory.



There might not be a problem with compatabiltiy.....you both just need some balance. You need time to be yourself. Your husband needs to learn how to be a father. Your child needs to feel secure in a peaceful home.



Around this time in a home with a toddler, the man doesn't know what his role is anymore. Is he a partner or a father or both.



Help to create balance in the home. Show your husband how to be a father.



Give Suzy a pony ride to her room and read her a picture book while I soak in the tub to get ready for some special time for us.



You two need to pull together and learn how to be a trio, before you add another child.



Practice being a family before you break it up or enlarge it.



Good Luck!

Answer 11

Babies as you know are miraculous gifts from above. However, they can't perform miracles...not even for a marriage on the rocks. Your husband and yourself should seek counsel first of all to determine if you want to continue your marriage. If you both decide your love for one another is still strong, you can begin to heal your relationship. After things get better, alot better, then revisit the addition to the family.



Having another baby will NOT make your problems disappear. Take care of you and your relationship most importantly!

Answer 12

Louie Blake Florida Ava Loren Charlie Edwin Grace Elizabeth super, classic English cottage. Joseph Oliver Billy Christopher Eleanor Tori Lou Ava Char gray Joe bill Ella

Answer 13

I would say to wait. You can't fix the problem with a baby. You 2 need to reconnect bfore you bring another child into this house. If you have another baby and you are not ready for it, what if that doesn't fix it? How is this going to affect the children involved. I think having a baby now would just be a quick fix. Hope this helps you out.

Answer 14

No way. If things do not work out, you dont need another little person in the picture. As hard as the relationship would be for you, it will have an huge impact on their life. You both need to decide on when is the right time to have a kid. It should not be a one sided debate....good luck.

Answer 15

Having another baby will only complicate the problem even worst. It's not the baby he want, it's you and although he have not one clue as to how to treat you, he wants to hang on to you. This won't feel so nice to you if Mr. Ice turn and leave you with two babies to care for alone. Things will fall into place if you talk to him and he's willing to talk to you. It's not normal for a person to want more kids and a wife and never show her love and not to mention have sex with her.

Answer 16

You are not ready for another baby. I'm not saying that to be mean, I am just stating what you yourself already know. It will not make things better at all. I suggest that you guys sit down and have an honest heart to heart about this, and if necessary, see a counselor.

Answer 17

If YOU are not ready to have another baby then NO you should NOT have another baby. Here's a suggestion...tell HIM to get pregnant, gestate to term and give birth NATURALLY, if he REALLY wants a baby right now, but that YOU just don't want one at this time. You're his wife, not a receptical for his bodily fluids and not an incubator for his fertilzation system.

Answer 18

you will end up hating him because YOU were not ready for the baby....you admit that your relationship is not strong enough right now and it matters what you want too.....it is your body, and your life and your marriage as well........do what you want and don't let him control you, a baby will not save a marriage.......this is a mistake people often make........they are having problems w/ their marriage, they think they want a baby, and they have one and end up getting divorced anyway.........good luck on this one.

Answer 19

DO NOT, I repeat do not bring another child into this world into an unstable home. There are so many children in this world who come from broken and/or unstable homes and it affects them their whole life! I am a divorced mother of two, and even though we have both moved on and have better lives now my children are affected by what has happened every day! It is so painful to watch your children grow up with why? questions every day. Please, please, please think VERY carefully about this gigantic step you are contemplating.

Answer 20

Did you read what you wrote?

I believe that you answered your own question. ;)



Another child will not fix a marriage that isn't strong. It will only put more strain on you and him and make it more difficult to go your separate ways.

Answer 21

Do NOT have another baby until you are both very stable in your marriage. A baby will NOT make things better, it will only bring stress.

Answer 22

Personal matter to be decided by the choice of the couple and in such matters compromise shud be possible if logic fails.

Answer 23

Hi Vanessa Hudgens here,



Why not, another little one will be added to the fun and excitment.



Think about it, would you like a new baby having fun!!!!



Come on!!!



Kisses, best of luck with your new baby



NESSa

Answer 24

PLease i beg you , dont get another baby your story reminds me of my parents, trust me your child will end up like me, sad at the unstable home and the lack of a good marriage between parents i believe can cause an improper development (not Physically, emotionally)for a child, trust me you'll regret it and your kids too.

dont you wanna be happy? you'll have another baby another time, just not now, please

Answer 25

No. Do your husband, your wallet and Mother Nature a favor and do not plop any more kids out.

Answer 26

Do NOT have another baby. A baby never "solves" anything.

Answer 27

no not if your not ready