How to talk to this lady who texted my husband?

Question

So about this women who texted something sexual to my husband. My husband told her to txt his government work phone. The one I can't see. But I got her number b4 he deleted the message. I want to talk to her but I don't know how to get the truth out of her without seeming offensive or rude. I just want to know what's going on and I don't know what kind of Person she is. What should I do ?

Answer 1

You would be surprised what you get out of another woman when you come at her the right way . Trust me, I have had to do this with several escorts my husband was sexting for the longest time. Some women are defensive, some will spill the beans. Be prepared that if you stay, your marriage is forever tainted. I still go thru our phone bill with a fine tooth comb. It's not good for the marriage and at the end of the day, I wish I would have just left him but we have kids to think about so it's far more complicated.

Tell her that you have seen the number in your husband's phone and you want to hear her side so you can talk to your husband. Tell her you want no trouble but your just trying to figure out what is going on. Stay CALM and just listen. Then decide how to approach your husband

Answer 2

This is strictly between you and your husband. If you have the messages and proof and he works for the government then you report him for using his affair on tax payers dime. Chaeting is a symptom of a problem and this isn't your problem. Thing is in marriages if you stop being a couple and are parents you need to become a couple again w date nights and not just always being about the kids, usually when the kids are gone is when this behavior appears by then too late it's been going on. You two need guidance and counseling and it's best to get it via your church. If your not church people it sure would be worth giving Jesus the chance the help this marriage make it, you did after all take vows and made promises to God under which you both did so willingly.

Answer 3

I haven't figured out why when women have a cheating husband, they want to talk to the other woman. You need to talk to your husband. He is the one that made promises to you. Talking to her will mean little and she may or may not tell you the truth. Obviously she is willing and your husband is playing along or he is interested. My sister's husband started doing these things. He had never really been out there and was flattered when women flirted and hit on him. It really hurt my sisters feelings and he even got one woman and her husband together with him and my sister. I just don't think that had a good start and I could never trust them as friends so Im not sure how far it would go. My sister and the woman seemed to become good friends. That seems pretty stupid to me but then it's not my business. . . . .I know you are hurt so take your time and play a much better game than he is playing.

Answer 4

I'm sorry your going through this. I have been there myself. When your significant other has to hide phones,messages,e-mails and so on. They aren't being faithful. Through experience I have found there is alot of other places to be unfaithful at. Dating sites,Facebook and secret messaging apps. I literally have Google my ex,at the time was in what I thought was a good marriage. I was very surprised into what I had found. He was living a very secret life under my nose. I was devastated and hurt. If you suspect infidelity,you are probably.right. The other women may be honest with you but then again she may be very difficult to fulfill your answers. I would not personally stay based on the children being separated from both parents. Do know your facts before judging. Once you have lost trust its a hard one to get back. If your husband can't give you the answers then I would say he is hiding things. My husband did the same thing and became very defensive ,despite what I seen.Bless you.

Answer 5

From what I've seen of these type of women, the only thing they respond to is nastiness. If you're nice, she'll tell you what you want to hear, then run to your husband hoping to score brownie points by helping him protect himself. She won't leave him alone. In fact, she'll get a bigger boost out of tricking you into thinking she's actually a decent person when she's really messing around with your husband.



So, you text her something like, "I saw your classy text to my husband, and I hope you did follow up on his work phone SO I CAN HAVE HIM FIRED. Enjoy your unemployed asshole, you desperate *****. You deserve each other." She'll get mad and send you back more truth than you ever would have gotten otherwise. Then you txt your husband, "Why is this woman saying..." and watch him either pretend he doesn't know what the hell is going on ("wrong number" defense, probably means they only texted) or he throws her under the bus (meaning they're cheating).



I'm sorry you have to deal with this garbage. Good luck. :(

Answer 6

The person you need to be talking to is your husband. He's the one who vowed to be true and faithful to you (assuming your wedding vows included those concepts).



Work things out with your husband, because no one else owes you honesty or loyalty. If you can't trust him, then you need to ditch him if that situation can't be changed.



What you should do is tell your husband how you feel due to his behavior, and that it's not acceptable for him to participate in inappropriate communication with others, not to mention how stupid it is if he's having someone sex him on a government phone (that takes a special kind of stupid). Ask him how he'd feel if you were communicating in that way with some other man.

Answer 7

I've been down this road a few years ago, with my still husband. The truth is, you're never going to be able to trust him again. Period. If he asked to contact him again (on which phone matters not), he's interested in taking the steps to cheat (if he hasn't already). If you stay, prepare to feel like an FBI agent on crack trying to find out what the details are ... it sucks, it waste time and it kills you emotionally (again, been there, done that). The other part you need to prepare for if you stay, is to be tested regularly. Ask yourself, seriously, are you okay risking an STD or STI over him? It may be time for a separation hun. Best of luck!

Answer 8

You'll probably get nothing from her but lies (and excuses).



AND ... if you let her know that you are ON to her (and him) - they will just hide things more.



Think about not telling them right now - act as if you know nothing -- see how far it goes.



Never accuse ... CATCH THEM !



Now - may not be the time to confront her ... wait .. be patient ... see if other suspicious things happen ... don't let them know that you know a thing ... just give it time ... if something more is going on - you will see signs (if you keep quiet right now).



Just remember ... if this lady talks to your husband more than one time like this -- then your husband is allowing her to do it.



Find out more facts before acting on anything. It may take awhile to find out things - but consider giving it a try without rushing in.

Answer 9

I'd be more concerned with what kind of person your husband is. If he is telling some other women to text a phone you can't see, what does that tell you? Don't get bogged down in petty rivalries with other women and don't ever lower yourself to fight some other woman over any man. He's made the vows to you, if he doesn't keep them, tell her "tag, you're it sweetie and good luck with that hot mess"...Cause he's a louse and gonna do the same thing to her eventually. Women need to get some self worth and stop thinking they're going to change another person. He's a grown man. Fighting over him is petty and childish and demonstrates your lack of self respect. So is sleeping with someone else's husband, but let her make her bed and sleep in it. They deserve each other. HIS LOSS.

Answer 10

How about you talk to your husband? This woman owes you no loyalty, no respect and no explanations. Your husband does. If he's hiding phone conversations from you, I'm guessing he's showing you neither loyalty nor respect. He should at least give you an explanation.

Answer 11

You should contact her. Since your husband is lying to you by cheating, he's probably lying to her too. She might not know he is married.



It is important for her to see you as a real person who cares about her marriage. Let her know that while you might not be a perfect person, you are a good person who shares children with your husband and his involvement with her is hurting you and your kids. If she has any goodness in her she will not want to be in the middle of your marriage and tearing apart your family.



Once she agrees to stay out of the picture you need to confront your husband.

Answer 12

I am sorry you have to go throw this. The chances are your husband is having an affair and even with little evidence you have he will still look in your eyes and lie to you. It is not a good place to be and the most unfair thing is if he is having an affair, You will be the one person whose going to suffer most, am hoping your children are still young enough to not know what is happening. I have been there, and like #Justmy2cents says, you will never ever be able to trust him, it is mentally, physically and emotionally draining and exhausting. Whatever you do, I really wish you well. Be strong

Answer 13

You do know that your husband is having an affair, right? Go into stealth mode and gather evidence. Hire a P.I. and/or research the use of 'voice activated recorders'. Hate to say it but it's probably gone physical.

Answer 14

I find these sort of question kinda funny. Why would you need you need to talk to the other woman? Talk to your husband. You know what he's like, you dated him, so you know the types of things he said to you, are the same types of things he is saying to her and other women. She did not out of the blue text something sexual or otherwise to this many, it was a two sided conversation.



Lying to yourself is not going to make the situation better and talking to her won't either because you know she will talk to him and he will just hide things better.

Answer 15

You should talk to your husband, not her. You are giving your husband a free pass by blaming the other girl. She has NOTHING to do with your husband's choices.

Answer 16

Why are you bothering with her, rather than confronting your husband about this?



HE took marriage vows at your wedding. Not her. Don't worry about her, worry about HIM. She didn't hold a gun to his head to force him into anything here. HE is the one screwing you over, and dollars to donuts says he's done it with other women besides her.



And he's a monumental idiot for telling his mistress to contact him on his WORK phone. Affair/attempt at an affair aside, I'd seriously question staying married to a guy so stupid.

Answer 17

There is nothing to do with her, your big problem is that your husband is cheating. He finds cheating ok. That is the big lie between you. If he has one honey, he most likely has had and will have more. So you have married a liar and a cheat. Take the appropriate steps to get your good bounderies from such a man. Pray for your marriage daily and ask him to reconsider this behavior but keep your eyes open to who he is.

Answer 18

How about talking to your husband, he's the reason she texted him.

Answer 19

Talk to your husband

Answer 20

ask her about herself, tell her the man she texted is your husband, confront her and tell her to stop.

after stopping the affair, confront your husband and ( be the boulder in this situation) don't let him feel any more powerful than he should feel, change the topic or just walk away.

if the worst comes then stay apart from him or call the cops if hits you. I wish you a safe future and hope you do the right/reasonable thing



many bad things can come from this kind of a situation, or he might give in and possibly tell you something like he didn't feel the love, or you weren't paying him any kind of attention. it might be a confusing situation, ut remember, he still cheated on you, that's if he did cheat on you.

it could still be a misunderstanding.



take matters into your own hands.

Answer 21

She's texting your Husband sexy messages, and his response is to tell her to text to a phone that you can't see? Weeeellll girl your problem is with HIM, not her. He could have said "F off, I don't want you texting me this stuff" BUT he didn't. Could have ignored it, but he didn't. Told her it was inapropriate, but he didn't. HE is the one you have a problem with, and even if you get the "truth" from her, its NOT going to fix the problems in your relationship with him - unless you are looking for an absolute reason to leave him in the dust.

Answer 22

Call her and tell her to stop texting your husband and stay away from him or your gonna cave her skull in with a baseball bat. End of story.

Answer 23

There is only one reason a man asks a woman to contact him on a phone that's inaccessible to his wife. Theres no reason to talk to her or to get any truths..... talk to your husband since hes the one who asked the woman to contact him. She may not be aware that hes married, even if she is hes the one that vowed to be faithful to you & shouldn't be talking to females secretly......

Answer 24

Be very nice to her and tell her that you saw the message. Tell her you are not mad, and want to talk to her because your husband is blaming everything on her and is calling her a nasty slut behind her back and said she is cray cray and stalking him... he even wants you to beat her *** so she will leave him alone....and is setting her up on his government phone to take to the police department so you will believe him. You don't know if that is true and anyways, it sounds fishy. You think there is possibly more to the story....so you want to give her the benefit of telling her side before you beat her ***.

Answer 25

Your husband is not too intelligent for allowing this lady to text him and allowing her to text him on a work phone. When he lose his job and his wife, maybe he'll learn.

Don't confront the lady. Confront your husband and let him come clean.

Answer 26

i think you should leave it alone. your husband probably just needs that sort of thing to function normally. Most men or t least alpha male types do...he knows you wouldn't understand and get all bent out of shape so he's being discreet about it. showing you respect that way.. dont worry about him leaving..if he's a gentlemen he will stay with you..as long as you dont try to disaffect his life like this..

Answer 27

If you suspect your husband is cheating you should definitely confront him. Don't confront her she may not even know that he's married to you and that case she's just as much as a victim as you are . If you don't want to confront him just wait it out believe me he'll slip up again .

Answer 28

Just let her know that she exists and not to tempt her husband to do anything with her because it won't turn out good if she does.

Answer 29

Text her something dirty and see how she responds this should spell things out quite well and than you will also have proof that your husband is screwing around or not.

Answer 30

1st: You want to talk to her but don't want to seem offensive or rude? REALLY? I can see why he's cheating (AND YES HE IS CHEATING!) Because you're a push over!

2nd: Your husband is the one you need to talk to, not her. HE owes you loyalty, not her. HE owes you an explanation, not her.

3rd: Again, he's banging her for sure girl!

Answer 31

Remind your husband too activate the auto security lock after 10 seconds~!

Answer 32

She wants you husband; that's all you need to know about her. However, she may not know he's married. Send her a sexy message. Then send her another one, saying "oops, I though this was my husband."

Answer 33

Talk to your husband. At Gunpoint

Answer 34

What would I do? If I found out that some guy was texting my Fiancee in that kind of way, I would phone him and tell him to Phuc off.

Answer 35

Your husband told her to what? Not.never call again but to use the work phone. That means she knows he has a wife.

Answer 36

You shouldn't talk to her at all. You should talk to your husband about this.

Answer 37

text her back from that phone pretending to be ur husband. and mention that you are married... if she didn't know that then she'll react to that negatively and u'll know she's innocent... if she knew then she's a jerk and meet with her face to face and speak to her politely... kill her with kindness

Answer 38

What you need to do is talk to this woman, tell her that you and her need to come to me. I will take you both to bed and make love to you. I will make you both pregnant and then you will have a baby to keep you busy and pre-occupied.This will keep your mind off of checking his phone and the problem will be gone. Thank you! Next!

Answer 39

To many variables dependent on individuals involved; suggest maintain humor when telling your husband what you know and what he is going to tell *****.

Answer 40

Easy, write: to the next wife of my husband! You cannot look as fast as she disappears.

Answer 41

Tell her you read her message to your husband and you are interested in a foursome...you would like to include your boyfriend:)

Answer 42

You should be more concerned with talking to your husband. He is the one who broke the sanctity of his marriage vows.

Answer 43

I think you should go after him, the longer you wait, the more you are put at risk. Too many bad things out there to play games.

Answer 44

You don't have to be rude...Just text her that he won't be texting her anytime soon and sign it "HIS WIFE"

Answer 45

The lady's a tramp , she knows he's married and still wants him ,,, either that or he lies to her and you , that's My bet

Answer 46

talk to ur husband

Answer 47

You should talk to your husband about it and not her

Answer 48

Talk to him. When I had my suspicions I flat out ask him. How long you and blah been *******? He was shocked but he confessed.

Answer 49

Pretend to be him and see what you could find out. God bless you. Hope he is a good one and this is all a misunderstanding.

Answer 50

Wrong target...



You need question your husband.

Answer 51

I'd file for divorce, ASAP.

Answer 52

Tell her that you're hia wife

Answer 53

Well try to ask who she is etc and if she gets rude do the same.

Answer 54

ask ur husband first

Answer 55

talk? how about some slap therapy.

Answer 56

Call her under the guise of warning her he has herpes .

Answer 57

🐂

Answer 58

Tell her to back the **** off

Answer 59

told her not to destroy your life, you are happy with your hubby

Answer 60

punch her in the face

Answer 61

forgive him