I'm a non vegetarian and my soon to be husband is a strict vegetarian. We have issues! Please help?

Question

My soon to be husband is a vegetarian and has decided that we are to live with his parents after marriage who are vegetarians as well. After an in-depth discussion he reached to the conclusion that I am to eat my non veg out of the house at my own time instead of making it at home. On offering that I was able to adjust to the idea of cooking the non-veg in the basement he suggested that it was his roof and I was to do as told when his parents are around. This seems extremely offensive and restrictive to me as I am an organic non veg eater and do not appreciate meat over fed with GMO corn and antibiotics. I prefer cooking my meat at home. I do not consume red meat, the only thing I have loved to eat since I was a kid is chicken and my soon to be husband doesn't want meat under his roof whatsoever. His brother is non veg as well and tends to eat out for the most part, where as I tend to make chicken at home and eat it at least once a week. My husband feels that the fact that I am not willing to compromise shows that I am a bad wife because I don't wish to adjust to other's preferences and that makes me generally unaccommodating. Other arguments we have include the fact that I do not wish to live with his parents as they would not allow me to be comfortable in my dressing or my eating habits. I do not dress extremely extrovert however I do tend to wear short shorts or tank tops around the house to feel comfortable during the summers. However my husband believes I am to make all these changes to fit their liking. I feel extremely bonded and stripped off of my freedom and am having second thoughts about our wedding. He also says that he doesn't wish to help around the house much unless asked occasionally as he believes he is the head of the household and brings the money home which is a tiring chore as is along with worrying about bills. Please help! I am more of an equal treatment sort of an individual. I have never asked my husband to change anything about himself and tried to accept him as is as I believe in equality. I have tried to accommodate other changes such as trying to adapt to his language which is similar to mine and even though that's not going too well as I am stuck in my roots I feel a tad bit pulled out of my comfort zone. Thank you for any light you guys would be able to shed on this topic.

Answer 1

This sounds like a cultural issue as well as a relationship issue. Personally if I were to meet this guy my first thought would be that he is a d*ck. He clearly has no respect for you because he is "making the decisions" and demanding you do things while giving nothing back. If this were the country your culture came from then I would say to compromise to the best of your ability. Make not getting married an option and see if that changes his attitude.



But according to the little map thing in the corner, you are in Canada. And Canada affords you certain rights, rights that this guy and his culture desire to take away. I would personally tell him to hit the road.

What's more important to you: accepting the cultural inadequacies that are obviously making you upset, or your freedom to be happy?



If this were the home country then you wouldn't have many other options, but since Canada gives you other options, why not take them?



I'm not saying you have to change your lifestyle, beliefs or culture. Because that stuff is very important. All I'm saying is in Canada you have the right to find a guy who values your opinion and eats the same way you do, and doesn't put restrictions on how, when and where you can eat.

Answer 2

You and your fiance are from different worlds and customs obviously. The issues your asking about should have been worked out a long time ago, way before plans of marriage.



Unfortunately when you live in someone else's home you need to live by their rules. Once your married he needs to stand up on his own and move out of his parents home. Living with relatives should be an absolutely last choice it never works out well.



Even after you have your own home you need to respect each others choices and beliefs. You are equal partners with equal rights in a marriage. If he doesn't want meat then cook him only non meat meals and you eat what you like. Neither of you should leave your home to eat like you state that will only cause further issues and drive a wedge into your marriage.



Make sure to get all of these issues worked out to both of your agreement before you marry or don't marry as it is something that can destroy any relationship.

Answer 3

No, that's just not fair. He's being really controlling.



If you had some sort of chosen diet would you expect him to eat the same?



Tell him that he's being very unfair forcing his life choice onto you. You respect it and will comply to it every now and then, but you don't want to be vegetarian so shouldn't be forced.

If it was the other way round then you'd be forcing meat into his mouth and he'd hate it.



Say you'll make an effort and cook with quorn when eating with family etc,

but don't let him dominate your diet like that. It's uncalled for.



If he's saying it''s his roof then come up with 'fine I won't live under your roof', he'll most likely come crawling then.

Answer 4

Well honey sounds to me like he is what they call a "Macho" is his way or the highway. You accept him the way he is and he should do the same and if like he says he is the man and has to go out and get the money to support you he should be able to rent or buy you a house instead of making you live with his parents. I am not going to tell you not to get married that is a decision only you can make but you both should talk like adults before taking that step. Just write on a piece of paper what you love about him and what you hate and have him do the same and try to discuss when done. I hope you can really work this out. But from my experience if it starts with problem it ends in tragedy.

Answer 5

If you do not want to be respectful of the rules of the household, then you and your fiancé should wait to get married until you can afford a place of your own to call home. This way you can both enjoy the freedom of your own choices. If I was invited to live under someone else's roof who was Kosher, I would not think of not conforming to their dietary rules under their roof, or dress in a modest fashion. Once on my own, I am free to set my own rules.



If he does not feel that the head of the household bringing in the money should have to worry about chores or paying the bills, then he has no room to complain if you want to bring in a housekeeper once a week to help out with chores.

Answer 6

Is he using the excuse of his parent's house to make these rules or is that just his nature? Things will not get better as the marriage progresses. This is as serious of an issue as a non smoker marrying a smoker. Let him know that you are going to find somewhere to live by looking for "room mates wanted" on craigslist who are ok with a meat eater preparing food. You can set up visitation schedules to go to see him at his parent's house.

Answer 7

Vegetarian for the most part. I only eat meat like when it's a favorite childhood dish or something that cannot be replicated with tofu etc without destroying the recipe. Its hard being a veggie eater when your whole family is totally carnivorous!

Answer 8

You may really want to re-think this relationship. While vegetarians and non-vegetarians can peacefully live together, he and his parants are pretty extreme to put those rules in place. I can see if living in the parents house you go by their rules for the time you are there, but what happens when you have your own place?



Is your soon to be husband going to ban all meat in your house? If so, I would not be living under these rules and certainly not marrying him.

Answer 9

Your husband and his parents sound pretty pathetic and judgemental. They should accept you and respect you as much as you respect them and accept their vegetarian lifestyle. I'm a vegetarian myself and have absolutely no problem with meat eaters. If my husband was a meat eater, I would respect that....why? Because I love him and care about his feelings.



If you're not comfortable, tell him! If he can't accept that you want to eat meat in his house then it's just not gonna work out for you two. Truth. If you're not happy, then you need to step back and do some deep thinking.

Answer 10

Then don't marry him.

For him to tell you that while you live under his parents house you are to follow their rules says to me "indentured servant" and that you'll be treated like one instead of like family.



He wants you to make all those changes, yet what is he willing to change?

You are your own person, you like dressing in a style that his family won't approve of, you'll have to eat meat outside of your own home, and you'll be treated less than a second class citizen.



I think I'd rather be my own person and living my life the way I like over financial security any day. And who is to say that you won't meet a better man some time later that enjoys the same things as yourself?

Answer 11

Understand that if you are preparing to live in the house with his parents that you will have to follow the rules of the house while inside it. If you don't like then don't live with them, no one is forcing you to. The guy you are seeing obviously needs to grow up and get you both out of the parents house why are you even considering moving in with his parents??? You need your own place, and if your husband doesn't respect your eating habits in your own shared house then you need to find another husband.

Answer 12

Sounds like an awful lot going on. Sounds like yo need to become a vegeatarian.