There's this guy - but I'm married..?

Question

i am married to a nice man who can be a pain, he is lazy and accuses me of being lazy and doesnt give me any compliments. he is nice though and we have kids. i have thought about leaving before as he has cheated on me and has turned a bit nasty when drunk.
we have been together for 10 years and for the same amount of time i have known another guy who is the local naughty boy. he is gorgeous and there is strong chemistry between us and now he is trying it on.
i drunkenly told him i liked him and then he has made it clear to me that he has always liked me and in his words wanted me. we stood so close i wanted him so bad my whole body wanted him. the chemistry is so strong.
i dont know what to do i turned him down and nothing happened but i wanted it to so badly. i cant get him out of my head and am even feeling guilty about it although really i have done nothing wrong except like someone and tell them which was wrong i know. but i cant stop how i feel. what do i do?

Answer 1

He is just a band aid for your unhappiness. Decide what you want with your marriage first before you step into something new.

Answer 2

The only advice I can give is that you and your husband sound like you really need to talk your issues though with eachother, notwithstanding your wedding vows.



You already said yourself that this other guy is the local naughty boy, and if your husband was giving you all the attention you wanted then you wouldnt be looking elsewhere for whats missing.



It seems as though you are looking for the parts of your husband you have lost within the naughty boy, but deep down you know that a relationship with this man is out of the question, because truthfully, he doesnt sound like the faithful type otherwise he would respect the fact that you are married.



Marriage counselling can be a saviour, but remember you cant take a horse to water. It might not be the answer to your problems, but at least its a step in the right direction. If your husband refuses to go, then perhaps he doesnt value your marriage as much as you.



The final decision is yours, but I wish you every future happiness.

Answer 3

The lust for another means boredom or unhappiness within a relationship. I have been married for 2 years and i know the humps of marriage.



The questions you must ask yourself are simple but sadly the simplest questions are sometimes the hardest to answer.



1. Do you love your husband?

2. Can you live without him?

3. Thinking of the children what effect would it have on them to divorce?

4. Can you save this marriage?

5. Can i be understanding and have an ear open for change?



Marriage is a 50/50. My wife's emotions and actions effect me and mine effect her. Nothing is ever just one person's fault.



Lust is simply the easy answer to a hard problem. Don't break down and burn through your morals just for minutes of passion. You need to tell your husband that something needs to change. Start the conversation rolling. If you have attempted this in the past and it got heated i would suggest putting down ground rules. Pull out a timer or a stop watch. Give each person a fair amount of time without the other talking to be able to fully voice their grievances. I would suggest 5 minutes. If your marriage is worth saving then the hard work will be worth it!



Remember why you fell in love with him. Remind him of your past. It sounds like with the lazy comments that money is rough especially in these hard times. Find cheap ways to have fun just the two of you. Drop the kids off at a family member. Buy 1 dollar ice cream from McDonald's and walk around the mall. FIND SOMETHING that can be YOUR SPECIAL time together. Not every romantic moment has to be expensive like a dinner. Walk in the park. Put a blanket on your front lawn after the kids went to bed and stare at the stars.



HAVE FUN instead of lust!

Answer 4

First off, I can't believe you have stayed with a guy who cheated on you. Personally I'd be very surprised if you didn't still have some lingering resentment from that. From what you describe, I'm not surprised your eye is wandering...but... to the naughty boy in town? Is that wise? Also, it's really best to finish up with one relationship first before moving on to the next. The bottom line is do you want to be with your husband anymore, given everything that's happened? If the answer is a no, then move on. But be careful about bouncing from one bad situation to another.

Answer 5

Personally, I would have left the asshole that cheated on me a long time ago. But, every situation is different. You said your husband is nasty when drunk...how so? Verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically? None of these are good. But, is this new guy going to support your children? Do you actually see a real future w/this man, or is this just for fun b/c your husband isn't what your looking for and isn't there for you? I think you need to make this decision and then talk to your husband. If you still care for him, then the two of you need to work it out and you need to forget about the new guy. Keep your kids in mind when making this decision. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Your feelings are not that abnormal. It happens and it is not your fault. Even in a drunken stupor....alcohol will bring out honesty and it did. You admit that.



Having everything bottled up inside you with your marriage and not expressing yourself is what is leading you to these feelings. The situation you have with your husband weighs on your mind and when you were drunk...they came out.



You want physical affection with mental support and your husband is not giving it to you. Don't be ashamed...it's what it is. You feel you can get the affection you desire from your 'naughty boy' but is that what you actually want?



Yeah, you can act on your feelings of desire but I would like to point something out. That night of passion is worth your marriage when you know that it will go no further? The sex with your friend is what I mean.



Sex is 90% in the mind. You are troubled with your married life and this might lead you to cheating to get your satisfaction of being with this man.



This next part might sound crude but if you have this sexual attraction?...either use some toys and masturbate thinking about him. It will give you sexual gratification in the mind. You won't get the touch nut you will get something out of it.



I can tell you one thing...it would be better if you distance yourself from this man. If you can't?...then have a little fling. You might be disappointed so be prepared.

Answer 7

well. there are a few things you could do.

-you could have an affair on your husband

-leave your husband to be with this man

-or just let it go



but just know that everything has it consequences. if you have an affair, you automatically are disrespecting your husband in one of the worst ways you can. and it will most likely leave you with a guilt that will be hard to deal with.



if you leave your husband, you may end up regretting it. or you may not. but you will break up a home. HOWEVER, sometimes people do grow apart. Nothing in life is permanent.



Just know, that whatever you choose, you will always sit back and think "what if i wouldn't have chose this".

Answer 8

You need to leave your husband before you agree to go with this man as you are already spoken for. Remember however, that you yourself have called this new guy naughty. You don't really expect him to stay with you forever do you. Think about your life in the long term before you make any big decisions...and think of the repercussions on your children too.

Answer 9

Be sure to divorce your husband before you do anything that could jeopardize your children. You don't want your husband to have anything against you when you go to court. Be sure you and your husband are at least separated before you do anything else! First things first though- if your husband is nasty when he is drunk you and your children need to get out ASAP!

Answer 10

Get a divorce first.Don't cheat on your husband.It's the worst thing you can do.And also the naughty guy...he might just want a one night thing...is it worth your marriage and the heart break it would cause ?

Answer 11

this may not sound like good a good gesture but good for you, I wish I could find someone else who could help to be a replacement for my problematic relationship. I would leave my man for mr right in no time.

Answer 12

You and your husband need to look into getting counseling and take a break from drinking. Not being mean, it's just your best bet to be happy.

Answer 13

write down a list of good and bad of the boy and ur husband and think about the benifits and consequences

Answer 14

You're begging for real trouble. If you're unhappy in your marriage and counseling does no good, file for divorce. Fooling around on the side is not smart.

Answer 15

You should sell this story to Lifetime. Why not make money with your stories instead of posting them on here for free??

Answer 16

69

Answer 17

Arrhhh the grass is always greener on the other side

Answer 18

can you trust him not to tell anyone if he gives you one,if you can get on with it.If you cant then look for someone else if you want to stay married.

Answer 19

Don't encourage this guy.. nothing good will come of a liaison between you and he..

Answer 20

stop acting like trailer trash and get a divorce?

Answer 21

You will most certainly get your fingers burnt!

Answer 22

remember why you said i do in the first place

Answer 23

AVOID HIM BEFORE ITS TO LATE ITS BAD YOU KNOW. YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED THE PEOPLE MAY NOT SEE YOU BUT OUR GOD KNOWS AND SEE US

Answer 24

a married person should always divorce before seeing someone else.

Answer 25

File for divorce before you do anything with him.

Answer 26

Doesn't marriage mean anything to anyone anymore?!!

Answer 27

you already know the answer

Answer 28

Divorce your husband and hook up with Mr. Wonderful. You'll be so glad you did.

Answer 29

DIVORCE!!