one more time... Do you think divorce is in our future? How can we fix us?

Question

I don't want to go into detail about this situation but I feel I might have to. I will just say my husband and I have a wonderful relationship. We really love each other and have never believed in divorce. However there is a problem in how we view sex. We both really enjoy sex especially with each other. But looking for new adventures we tried swinging. Having a bad experience with it. Husband made friends with the female half, not a big deal but I am not happy with the experience. He will get mad at me if I say that I want him to stop talking to her as they have become friends but I don't want to live my life with these people in it and I also don't want to live my life with him mad at me for not doing it. I don't know if he would get over it or not but when we talk about ending it completely (friendship and all) we argue a lot. I want everything to go back the way it was before but it is too late. Do you think we will just have to get a divorce if he stays mad about this?

Answer 1

Just yesterday you were bragging about how strong your marriage is and how you two were so in love and that you had no insecurities and how GREAT threesomes were because you guys were just so much better than the rest of us loser traditional relationship-type people.



Now we hear the real truth!



Hahahahahahhahaaa!!!



Smooth Move, Ex-Lax.......

Answer 2

Best thing to do hear is Clearly And Calmly Explain to him How you Feel And Why You Feel the Way that you do.



Hun this is precisley Why i recommend to people asking about this swinging or threesome and things like that to Stay Away from it . In a marraige or not.



But especially in a Marriage. Because This is Precisley What it does,. It Destroys Marriages.



How do you know what he will do until you talk to him.



Sit him Down Stay Calm And Relaxed and Talk to him Openly and Honestly about how you feel and why you feel the way that you do.



No I don't think you will need to get a divorce. But You will Need to Do some Marriage Counselling and Just Work It out together



I know your gonna hear this from a lot of people including me but this is a door neither of you should have opened to start with



Now is the time To Repair the Damage This has Done . Not Create More



You guys can get through this if you really want to it's gonna take time and a lot of hard work i'm not going to lie to you but it can be done



Good Luck Girl Hope this helps

Answer 3

You're problem is you opened Pandora's box, before you were prepared to deal with what was going to come flying out. Now that he has developed friendships in the swinging community, you feel left out, he gets angry when you ask him to end them, etc.

If he loves you, and you love him, you agree that your marriage is something you both want and want to work on together, then agree to start fresh...from today. Forgive the past and move on. If he insists on keeping in touch with the swingers, then yes, your relationship is over, BUT, don't forget or point the sole finger of blame at him for your marriage's demise...you allowed the others to share your marriage bed, you have to take the responsibility for how things have turned out too.

Answer 4

Sweetheart you opened Pandoras Box when you decided to swing. Now look what you're dealing with. If I was in your shoes it'd be ultimatum time. He either gives you up or her. This is gonna show you how much he values her and how much he truly values you. Your husband should not be keeping this friendship, it's just plain WRONG! What the hell would he have to be mad about? How would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot. And if he'd be fine with it, then I'd see myself outta this marriage real quick.



Lesson learned.

Answer 5

No, honey, you will not need to get a divorce, you need to talk to your husband about how you feel about how the swinging thing did not work out and how you did not feel comfortable with it.



Just communicate with him, and I am sure he is more than willing to be open to anything and all that you can come up with as suggestions.



Just talk to him and tell him how you really feel, it seems like you both have a wonderful open marriage and relationship and friendship, so if you are honest and tell him how you feel, then there should be no problem.



Communication is the key sweetie. :)

Answer 6

I really feel for you.....it is a shame you both crossed the boundaries as now that this has happened you are in turmoil.....Ok you made a mistake but you now have to face the music. Accept the situation and what ever will happens in the future. You need to reflect what you want most. Can you really handle leaving it the way it is and live like this....would it affect your health? If you give him an ultimatum to do as you ask and if he refuses you may have to separate and see how he will react. You need to see if he really loves you as if he really wants you for who you are and not about the sex well you will have to accept it as you will only get very miserable. ( I don't believe in divorce but if he doesn't stop as you do not agree anymore; as then he is doing wrong as by your marriage vows he is responsible to keep his commitment to you) You will have to face the reality unfortunately but after all of this you will be better off so you will be able to move on and learn from this mistake and take care in your future....



YOu never know he may need you to be very firm to snap him out of this. So develop confidence and determination in yourself...Turn to God and pray with all your heart and believe it will work out as God knows best and trust in God for whatever it turns out. This way you will cope better too.



I will keep you and your husband in my prayers....GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU BOTH.

Answer 7

First as you are finding your relationship should always be between the two of you.



Tell him you are not comfortable with the way things are now.



Comunicate your feelings.



Insted of bring in others you need to redate the two of yous.



hugs , kiss, cuddling, and let each other know that you are still atracted to him and he should to you.



Ask him does he really want to have your relationship ended because this is where it is headed from what I understand.



You need to find sexual satisfaction in your own home.



Tell the other couple you want it to be ended they might acomodate you.



Sorry pandora got out it maybe hard to get it back in.



Good Luck



Let him know how you feel.

Answer 8

Here is some information for you....you the 2 of you decided to "swing", you essentially gave him permission to have sex with others and with this woman. This is the way that men view this. Now he does not want to hear that you have a problem with it, when you agreed to it in the first place. You will have to check with people who swing and have strong marriages.....I believe that they have some very strong ground rules before they begin, and one of those rules is that if one does not want to do it any longer then it is over....and that is done out of love and respect for his or her wife/husband. I would assume that swinging is a pretty risky business for marriages, and your marriage will have to be very strong to overcome this.

Answer 9

he should accept the fact that you were not turned on by the male half of the couple and do not want to participate anymore and if your marriage is as strong as it should have been before you got involved with swinging then he will acknowledge your concerns and address them in the way that you want as to do otherwise is simply no better than cheating on you with the other woman and of course you have not answered the question of how the woman's husband feels about your husband being friends with his wife but not you and if you can not get your husband to see it from your side then I would suggest you divorce as you can not trust someone that will not sometimes do things they may not want to simply because they love you

Answer 10

you're top. there is undesirable verbal substitute between the two one in all you, and that's a main occasion. The question is, what do you fairly want? It sounds as in case you fairly desire to come again at the same time along with your spouse. if it is the case, you are able to desire to settle on which you will spend the subsequent 3-6 months (or regardless of it takes) working in direction of that objective. there is not any assure, besides the fact that it is the only way you have a huge gamble. in case you do no longer prefer to come again at the same time, you are able to provide up marriage counseling top now and get on along with your existence.

Answer 11

honestly if the sex was so great between the two of you ,there would have been no possible cheating by hanging out with swingers.you didn't find it to your liking but now you are pi**ed cause he did!!!! dumb move !!!! in marriage there is no room for cheating,you think it makes you cool to pretend you are okay with it and you are not!!! its like you want to but you don't want him to,it does not work like that!!! mature responsible dedicated people would not jeopardize their marriage,health,life or reputation like this.tell him to end it and you are sorry you ever thought about swinging or file for a divorce!!! take a note married people do not invite others to their marital bed!!!

Answer 12

You have opened a door that cannot be closed, but with counseling, and ALOT of honest communication there is still a chance. Instead of demanding he no longer socialize with these people, make him not want to.



you mentioned wanting to spice up your sex life. . . try reading "Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex". It is full of ideas explanations and scenarios to spice things up. The same company has lots of other books and items that will make him eager to return to just you in the bedroom. :)

Answer 13

If your husband respects you and your marriage...He will end his relationship with this other woman....My first husband and I STUPIDLY got involved in swinging....which ultimately ended our marriage...You are suppose to be his wife and he should put you first in your marriage...and if you had a bad experience with swinging...your husband SHOULD NOT have made friends with the woman he had sex with...

Answer 14

wow tough question...You might try some counseling and sitting him down and explaining why you feel the way you do. Tell him how much you love him but he has to stop seeing this other woman or your going to leave him. If he won't get some counseling they you might need to separate to wake him up.

Answer 15

Here is a perfect example of a couple who had a good marriage and might have just ruined it because they had to have sex with other people. Why in the world did you do this? Unreal....................... You just introduced your husband to maybe his next wife.

Answer 16

You should have discussed these things before you expieramented. The damage being done, if he can't handle an ultimatum of ME OR HER , means he chose already, and Then I wd advise leaving. My bf and I are toying with the idea of expeiramneting too, only we are discussing the RULES intensly before we take it to that point. Good luck.

Answer 17

it's complicated... he might not want to be like it used to... He obviously likes the new friendship.... but being real, if he does love u the way he should,he will listen to your needs, and make u happy.... he'll stop that sort of friendship....

but if u try to achieve this with anger and stubbornness you will get nothing but push him away...\

everything do, try to do it with kindness

Answer 18

I think that your husband is getting bored with you and won't admit it so if you really want it to work try something different. If that doesn't work counseling should definitely be in your future.

Answer 19

WELL YOU BOTH CAUSED THIS MESS, AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE PROFIT OF DOOM BUT WHEN YOU PLAY WITH FIRE YOU GET BURNED. I HONESTLY DO NOT HAVE MUCH HOPE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, I AM SORRY...UNLESS YOU BOTH DECIDE TO CHANGE AND COMMIT TO EACH OTHER EXCLUSIVELY...THAT IS WHAT A MARRIAGE IS ABOUT...OTHERWISE DO NOT BOTHER TO GET MARRIED.

Answer 20

The tea leaves say, YES. Simply because you are starting to choose who he can be friends with.

Answer 21

Like is said before>Can't change what you did>He likes more than you>Live with it or make a choice> Your choice>

Answer 22

he needs to respect your feelings on this, even if you had different feelings about this awhile ago... and you need to stop bringing people into your marriage.. that was a big mistake... try counseling... if nothing else, move on... he did

Answer 23

just be open and honest with him. If he loves you as much as you say them your all he should need. as for the other women if they are just friends then let it go.

Answer 24

There's no way for us to know the answer, because we don't know either of you. How could our guess POSSIBLY matter? I recommend therapy, and I would do it soon.

Answer 25

Shouldn't let the dog out of the yard to begin with dear. It's going to drive you nuts.......

Answer 26

You two made your bed (literally and invited others to join) and now you must sleep in it.

Answer 27

ask him what is more impartant you or the other girl then you will know what to do when you get his answer.