In social situations, is your spouse a smooth operator, leaving you hanging in the corner by the punch bowl?

Question

I'm no wallflower, but my wife can sometimes be the smoothest operator in public. Often, I'm impressed by this ability. Other times...

My daughter was a winner in a writing contest for Flag Day, and we attended an event at the Elks Lodge to hear her read at a special ceremony. Cute, I thought.

Claire and I had been arguing all day -- she was complaining about the heat, and I suggested an exercise program would help her handle the heat better. She took it as a "fat comment," and blew up. But by the time we entered the Lodge (air-conditioned, thank God), she became suddenly composed, with a big smile on her face. She's running for elective office, and all the local public officials were there. She was flitting from person to person, seeming genuinely warm with the Republicans, condescending to the Democrats -- her people skills are a work of art.

But she barely could multitask enough to hear our daughter read while keeping her posture and smile, as a news photographer was present.

Answer 1

Yeah; isn't it great how she's all smiles and niceness to people with whom she has shallow relationships - but for anyone who really gives a damn about her, she reserves the most brutal judgements and harsh words?



Yes, that's my wife to a "T" - only she is "nice" to our son (mostly), but really hands it to our daughter when she steps out of line - and really goes off on me when I try to defend her (our daughter).



This emotional abuse is the main reason why I'm staying. For the sake of the kids. I've been advised that I have no hope in hell of making this stand up in court as her being an unfit mother; so the next best thing is to stick around to at least give my kids a sympathetic ear to turn to when mommy is feeling uncharitable. My ex was like this, and it drove a wedge between me and our son, so that I hardly ever get to talk to him anymore, because he's so terrified of his mom, whom he lives with (he is now 21). I'm not going to let my current partner do this.



As for me; I can demonstrate that I am capable of holding my own in conversation, and in public. I'm just not as motivated to build such a huge collection of shallow relationships. Yet - I get much grief over this, and have been called "a nerd" "autistic" and "socially crippled". Yeah, crowds and parties full of strangers make me uncomfortable - but it's not like I can't put that away and be gregarious. I can. But her accusations don't make it easy.

Answer 2

Reality,you really have to sit and think about where all this is going,you are obviously not happy with this situation.I'm not going to say that Claire is a great person but your being very,very critical of her every move,you paint a very bad picture of her,come on man,is she that bad.Through the months while reading your posts Claire has gone from bad to worse,she has had her good moments but the overall theme here is that Claire is the devil,you seem like a smart guy and I have a hard time believing that you would let Claire the super bi-tch lead you around like a lost puppy.How about telling us some good things about Claire,I just cant imagine someone being so mean on a constant basis and driven in her personal life only to further her career.

Answer 3

That's sad. )= I have never noticed my husband acting phony at any social situations and deserting me or complaining to me about my choice of clothes or who I was talking to. It's disturbing how Claire only cares about politics to the exclusion and alienation of her own family. What values she is teaching her children. This must be why I don't care for politics or politicians. They're actors and players. It doesn't matter what party, Democrats or Republicans, they both seem to be this way. Congratulation to your daughter! Hope she knows second place is an honor and that she doesn't need someone to give her first place. She is quite capable of that on her own. Somehow I get the feeling that your kids are able to see around, or through, their mother.

Answer 4

My EX spouse did for as long as I was willing to stick it out...Not any more though... That is a cross between Narcissistic and Sociopathic behavior DISORDERS...Not to be confused with genuine mental problems...those two are choices people make in early life...Both behaviors can be so convincingly so, people in therapy can buffalo their therapists, that is how "smooth" these people are...many document studies on them start out by saying..."Look at any talk show host, or politician...and you'll find traits of these characteristics in them..." (Not my words, just quoting the articles). Her "people skills" are NOT a work of art, Reality, they are an act...there is nothing genuine with this woman...and absolutely NOTHING to admire about her...If I actually knew her real name...I'd send an article revealing her dirty little side to your local newspapers and end her little sherade game. Her campaign NEEDS to be smeared. I just cannot stand "fake", selfish, and outright evil people. She is one of them...By the way your writing is getting better and better!!!!

Answer 5

yep that is like my hubby! And he would even eat that much! yep! well your daughter should be proud of what she did on her own and let her know if she does win first place it is not because her mom did anything it is because she deserved it! gee some parents like to bring down there kids with out knowing they are doing anything wrong! And be a man next time and don't walk away because your wife gives you that evil eye smile at her next time and keep talking! she still going to treat you bad no matter what!

Answer 6

He's a rock star in public, but I've gotten used to it for the most part, though it still irritates me at times, when I can't even get a seat next to him, if he's sitting. Don't get me wrong, his "entourage" (cronies) always treat me with respect, but they sometimes forget that I'm not "one of the guys" and don't include me in the conversations or even offer to move so I can sit next to my husband.



I don't like being the center of attention, and he's usually there in the spotlight. It bothers me sometimes that I can't even seem to catch his eye across the room when he's engaged in converstaion, and sometimes I feel that if I were standing on a table naked, he still wouldn't notice.



However, he is just an extremely social person, who rates very high on the charm scale, and who married to a very low key person (read introvert). It bugs me at times...so much that I feel I have to remind him that I'd really prefer to stay home if I can't manage to engage someone in an intelligent two-sided conversation and am forced to sit there and listen to the same "guy stories" revisited over and over ad nauseam.



So to answer your question....Yep, I can tend to be a wallflower, and I don't really like it.

Answer 7

Is this real? You're a great writer. If this is a true story, your wife is a classic narcissist. She will be extremely charming and charismatic in public, and critical in private.



That said, your comment about the 'exercise program' was meant to provoke her, so I think you get yours.

Answer 8

This is classic "what you're mad about isn't what you're mad about". In other words, she didn't have a beef with your shirt or that you were talking to "those people". She was still mad about whatever you had argued about earlier and decided to continue that argument in other ways.



She seems a bit too occupied / concerned about this campaign so she could probably also benefit from having a conversation with you about that.

Answer 9

What you see is what you get at home and in public, although I'm not running for office! Personally, I find that pathetic and I will not be voting for your wife since she's a phony! Thanks for letting us know!

Answer 10

No.He's quiet and shy.Im loud,never shut up and never meet a stranger.



I will however stand near the punch bowl if its spiked lol

Answer 11

Nope, my husband is the same all the time; day in, day out; day after day; week after week; month after month; year after year....

Answer 12

yep she was i am so hapopy i am divorce boy listening too your tale it brings up so many unhappy memories. how is it going with her anyways?

Answer 13

wow...you need to kick her off her pedestal.I think she doesn't realize how arrogant and boastful she is being.

Answer 14

umm..no