My husband moved out while the kids and I were on vacation. What do I do?

Question

While I was gone to my parents with the children, my husband packed all of our belongings and put them in storage and basically told me not to come back and that he was not renewing our lease. The dilemma is that he's in Canada and we are in the States. He's moved back in with his parents and has made no attempt to see the children and will not have a face to face meeting with me. He wants to file for separation and wants to do everything "step-by-step." Before we left, I was not under the impression that he would use the time that we were gone, to get rid of us and not renew our lease. Now I am stuck at my parents with no job and two small children. I miss my husband and want very much to meet him, but he's unwilling. Is there anything I can do to salvage this?

Answer 1

Helll no why would you want to save this marriage what a low life to do this behind your back!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

I know you are scared, but now look at your kids and stand up for them. He's not worth trying to work something out with. GO GO GO to a lawyer and get him for abandonment, child support and alimony. You make sure you tell them how he abandon you while on vacation( well, visiting your parents) In some states, he could be made to provide a home for you and the kids until they are of age. Don't waste time, crying and hoping that he will come back. Tell the lawyer how he has made no attempt to talk to you nor see his kids. Why on earth would you want to salvage something with a person that does not love or respect his own kids. I'll bet he will want to talk when the court papers start coming. Who's paying for the storage? You better make sure, unless they're will be an auction of your all belongings.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry, this is happening to you right now, please take a moment for yourself, and try to see if this something that you really want to salvage, yes I see that you are married with the small children. But if a person especially your husband the father of your children, the one who is supposed to be the provider the head of the house, not make sure that you and the children are in a position not less then what y'all are accustomed too, is this someone you will be able to trust again. Or will you always have in the back of your mind that when the slightest wind blows he's a goner. That will not be a way to live for you or the children live. I will pray for you, to have peace, be able to get some rest, and be able to face tomorrow and always know that you can only depend on yourself from now on. Be an example for the children, and show them stability in it's best SENSE. Please be strong right now.

Answer 4

Why do you want to go back to a jerk like that. 1. You don't do that to people even if you dislike them. 2. How can you just put your kids on the curb like that. and 3. He isn't even man enough to talk about it. I think you're better off by yourself than with him. Now I could be wrong and he could be trying to protect you and your kids from something by no contact. Do you know if he has anybody that would maybe want to harm you or him? Thats not likely but you never know nowadays. I'm sorry that you and your kids have to go through that, but you still have to pick up the pieces. Try to get a job and make an attempt at moving back on your own. I hope that your kids can't talk yet or don't miss him because I think it'd be easier for their lives to go on if its just something that happened to them in the past.



Once again I'm sorry and I hope that things start going better for you.

Answer 5

do u really want to be with a man that would put u and his own children in this situation?? My own father did something similar to my mother. This is the time to step up, if for nobody but Ur kids. Screw the marriage(easier said than done, i know) but when kids are involved u gotta do whats best for them no matter what u are feeling inside. Do whatever u gotta to to pick up the pieces and create a stable environment for your babies. By any means necessary. Make sure u get alimony and child support, and don't look back.

Answer 6

My guess is that he's having an affair. Sounds crazy but I've seen this before. This guy is in some kind of crisis and he's doing this out of emotion not for any rational reason.

There's nothing you can do except take care of yourself and your kids. If your parents are a good support system then they may be your only avenue for now. Get a lawyer and make sure the kids can't be taken to Canada without your permission. This is not something to fool around with. Your kids come first. You may even file for temporary custody just to keep them with you and in the states. I don't know what the laws are in Canada so you're going to need to get a referal of somebody who knows both countries laws.

This is the most critical time in your break-up so get advice from a professional ASAP.

I'm sorry that you miss him, but your husband is not acting rational. That's only your problem in the fact that you need to get control of your living situation and that of your kids.

You can get therapy later. Just keep your wits about you.

Don't even bother thinking about saving your marriage now. It's the least of your problems. I'm sorry. This must be very hard for you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

There must have been signs before you left that he was unhappy. Honestly if he does not want his marriage to work and hes willing to throw away his family, he does not deserve any of you.. Get you a Good Lawyer. He will have to pay you Alimony and Child Support. Cover your bases, do not play games with him, because I am sure hes already been to a Lawyer. In the meantime, look for you a Part Time job and keep yourself buzy. You are lucky to have Parents that will support you through these rough times. All of this will make you stronger Girl, and you need to stay Strong for your kids. They are feeling their dads betrayal also.. Big Hugs to you

Answer 8

|Oh now, think back a bit, I'm quite sure you had many signs that the marriage was on the rocks, and both of you probably did nothing about it. Now its too late he's finally made a move that is most likely best for both of you. Accept it, cry for a while, then step back up to the plate and hit the next one out of the park.

Answer 9

Let him be, you can't force him to be a husband or a father. In the mean time, worry about yourself and your children, get your stuff out of his storage, put it in your own storage or your parents basement whatever works, get yourself a job and take care of your family. I know it sucks but its the hand you've been dealt, lots of moms have to take care of their children on their own and survive. With your parents support and a few prayers, you'll be fine. If you can't get him out of your head, seek some counseling. Please don't take him back, there's a reason he left like that, if you take him back he'll think its ok to behave that way. Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds like its already too late for salvaging. Forget the seperation as its what he wants. Sue him for divorce on the grounds of dissertion or abdonment and go after him for everything you and the kids are legally entitled to. He will either go thru it or hes going to come back in a hurry. Personally youd be better off without a guy that takes off when his wife and kids are on vacation, real macho man. Dont get caught up in playing his games. Dont stand for this and take charge and force him to play straight with you. The divorce laws are on your side and child support collection is world wide so he can run but he cant hide. Good luck

Answer 11

Buckle down and get ready for some tough going till you can get back on your feet. Just keep in mind that rough times will get better and you will emerge from the situation better off in a couple ways. You will be wiser, you will be a more confident person for having seen yourself through this thing, and you will be rid of that rotten excuse of a husband you had.

Answer 12

What a difficult and upsetting position you are in! Not only is this difficult for you, but for your children as well, no matter what age they are!



It is not impossible to salvage your marraige, but I doubt that it will happen on the timetable you would like. (sorry) Right now, it sounds like your husband wants distance. So let him have it. Are your physical needs being met, for you and your children? That is JOB #1. If your parents are prepared to support you over the long haul, then you can move on to the next steps.



Go ahead and consult a lawyer if you wish, but wait a couple of months before you DO anything. Use this time to get over the trauma of being abandoned, comfort yourself and your children, do some fun things with them. Reassure them that their dad still loves them and DON'T bad-mouth him to them. For one thing, he may come to his senses and be truly remorseful, and you did say you hope to salvage your marraige. Lots of couples separate for a time and come back together, stronger and better for it. My husband and I were apart for nearly 2 years, and now we've been back together for the best 14 years of a 28 year marriage! I cannot stress enough the importance of giving him the space he needs. For one thing, he may not even be sure of what he really wants right now, and he needs a bit of time to possibly discover what he threw away.



In the meantime, BUILD a new life for yourself and your children. Become independant. Become the person YOU want to be...make sure you take at least an hour or two for you at least every week to do something you love to do. I know exactly how hard it is to TAKE this time when you have little children, but you absolutely NEED it, and will be better for having done it. You need to start feeling good about You again, and rediscovering old interests is a great way to remind yourself that you are a worthwhile and interesting person. Sometimes in a marriage, kids, work and responsibilities take over and we can lose the person we are. You need to find that person again. (Sometimes, a spouse leaves because the person they fell in love with disappears in the sea of responsibility, and the joie de vivre goes away with it! This is usually the root of the so-called mid-life crisis, when people start to wonder if this is really all there is.)





Again, do not bad mouth him to the children. As time goes on, you may not even want him back. He may not want to come back. Trust me, as the children grow and mature, they will form their own opinions about you and their dad, based on your behavior. They will respect you for not having tried to turn them against him, and if he truly IS a schmuck, believe me, they will figure THAT out soon enough too!



This is a crummy situation to be in, and I'm sorry to say, it will probably take several months to sort a lot of things out. In time, as you work to re-build your life, and the lives of your children, you will re-gain your self-esteem (which always takes a battering when a spouse leaves). As you start to feel better about your life, and see what develops on his end, you will get a sure sense of whether your marriage is over or not. Then you can begin to act on legal advice and start proceedings for child support and alimony. Don't worry...the courts will go after him for back pay for the months that you got nothing from him if that is the way it ends up!



It can be trickier if he is in another country, but not impossible!



Try your best to address the issues you CAN, and wait a little for light on the ones you have no control over!



Most of all, don't despair! I know it seems very dark today, but the light is always at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long. Just keep on going. I promise, in the long haul, it will all be worth it. Even if you don't save your marraige, you will come out stronger, and you will be happy again.

Answer 13

boy what an a--hole !!! I would go see a lawyer and tell him exactly what happened and take this loser to the cleaners . Get everything . CAR,HOUSE and I do mean everything . Leave him peniless . He ran to canada cause he thinks he can get away with everything up there . tell him you want what is yours in storage and if you dont get it then you are going to file abdonment charges on him. Oh and yeah you can have him put in jail in canada .and if his parents get involved tell them to politely butt out this is btwn their son and you. boy what a winner they raised . No dont file for seperation file for divorce and make him pay through the nose taking the kids things from them including their home boy what a nice daddy . CREEP that is what he is . well i will pray for you . good luck .

Answer 14

I think that is very sad. Someone had a similar experience yesterday and I am so sorry that these things DO happen to perfectly decent folk.



First of all what DID you know of the run up to you going on holiday without him? While folk do go on holidays with one parent staying put it is sometimes a clue. Is it in your case (I think I am answering that but in fairness...?)?



How young are your children? I mean- could he be stressed over being a parent and the responsibility? The reason I am asking and deliberating about his motivation instead of just telling you "good riddance" is because you are hurting and need "closure". And, ideally, have him back!



Now onto what I think you ought to consider or do- I think you need to get help in confronting him. You are brave to WANT a face to face. Sometimes folk are worried that in facing up to their tormentor they may make the situation worse. Of course you probably feel you have nothing to lose so good for you!



How to get the help. Well- his parents for one. Your children's paternal grandparents are likely to be allies for you in this. Grandparents tend to see things a bit more objectively and think of the children first compared to the two people who are in the situation.



Not for a moment am I suggesting that YOU are not putting your kids first but I am saying that HE is not. He is obviously upset and angry at life and is being exquisitely selfish here! He WILL, one day, regret this day and think he ought to have done things differently for the sake of his children. And his parents will feel the same about HIM and their grandkids.



Get them on side. Be mature and calm. Do not attack their son in front of them but ask for help. No shame there!



Get your parents to support you and the kids! Get YOUR family involved. You are owed it as part of a wider family, and I am sure you would reciprocate if asked!



Then get legal advice. Mediation is probably not an option unless he comes back within the next few weeks and says he made a mistake/is having a crisis/whatever and is sorry.



If you cannot BE with him (and I understand that you must feel like that having been kicked just now) then you must know what it means to you and the kids. For this you are going to need advice. Professional advice!



Being in another country to you makes it tough. You cannot really "chase" him for maintenance...



So- be strong, deal with the reality and protect yourself and your children.



I am sorry it has happened to you. I cannot BEGIN to understand what it must be like and I wish you well.

Answer 15

I think you just need closure. After you see him I don't think you will want him back after what he has done you to and your kids. I just think you need an answer why he left. When you get that answer I think you will be ready to move on. Look for a job in the meantime and focus on you. He obviously does not care that much about you or the kids so let him go.

Answer 16

I am sorry to hear that your husband left you and the kids. You need to sit back and thank God you are at your parents house. They are going to be your support. You also need to think what kind of Man or father would walk out of there children's life like that. It is going to be very hard for you and the kids, but you need to stay strong for them. I went through a divorce and I felt like my world came to a end. I felt like that for a long time. Guess what it did not. I picked up and moved on. I then realized I was much better. I hope you will see that you and your kids are going to be OK. I know it is hard but please see that he is not a nice person. A good father does not just walk out of his kids life like that. Your kids need you right now.

Answer 17

Give yourself some time to figure out exactly what the **** happend. You are in a tough jam. Try to let him come back to you, not you to him. He is obviously very determined in splitting up. Move on by accepting the situation and carry out with the legal stuff after. Relax.

Answer 18

I never understand how a man can do this especially when kids are involved (and I am a man.) I'll say some prayers for you. This happened to a close relative of mine, I just dont get it. She's doing great but it has been tough at times.

Answer 19

Find a good attorney now !!! You will need to find at least a part time job and help out around your mom and dads house. Why is he wanting a seperation and why does he not want to see you? I dont feel you are telling us everything here and all of the details so we can better help you and answer your question... You may also need counseling too.

Answer 20

Typical responses after receiving half the story.



Speak to legal counsel first and foremost. Start the proceedings as quickly as possible, as he will have to pay at least support for the children (if they are his) and possibly spousal support. If you can't afford a solicitor, contact Legal Aid in your area.

Answer 21

Get a job and an attorney. You don't need a game of yoyo on a string when you have small children. Now it is up to you to build a life that is healthy and happy for yourself and them. He isn't considering them or you, why should you consider him?

Answer 22

Why would you want to salvage it...only a COMPLETE jerk would do something like that. Get a GOOD attorney and do it NOW!

Tell him what he did...EXACTLY. Also be very honest about your own behaviors..your attorney will be able to help you much better if he is not blind sided by anything you may have "forgotten" to tell him about.

Answer 23

You file for divorce & child support like everyone else.. if he dosent show at court.. you get a summary default judgement like with everone else..



As for the salvage part.. Umm I dont think there is anything left to salvage.. he has made his intent clear and know.. (sorry)

Answer 24

Be strong, confident and do not let this knock you down. The children are learning from everything that you do. Kids read (watching someones behavior) very well. Stay positive kiddo - regardless of what life brings you. Be thankful..:)>

Answer 25

Just keep trying to contact him, and if he doesn't you can try to take him to court. You might love him, but you need to think about what is best for you and your children. You would probably be better off without him because you are a strong woman.

Answer 26

i would consult a lawyer right away,so e could let you know the ins and outs of divorce, child support and alimony,id find a job,and start trying to get your life back together, sounds like to me hes trying to make a new life for himself without his family, write down dates, keep a diary, of what he did or is doing,i don't know about salvaging it, but there's always hope,sounds like a real jerk,sorry but how dare he?i wouldn't make it easy for him just to pop-back into his cozy life,and i wouldn't sit around waiting either,i wish you and your kids the best god bless you and good luck

Answer 27

Zoinks what a dick! good riddence to him sweetie I dont know what prompted the break up but if he is the type of man,no wait hes not a man ...if he is the type of asshole to just abandon his family then stay the hell away from him restart your life he doesnt deserve you and your little ones thank the Lord for your parents get a new job get a make over and show him just what the hell he'll be missin like George Strait says.....let yourself go!!! good luck and God bless you sweetie!!!!!!

Answer 28

ASK HIM WHAT the problems is . i don't understand how a man can leave his kids like that . honey you can better your self and your kids forget about him i m sure it will be hard but it looks like hes not coming back in the long run Hun go after his wallet make him pay you .... good luck

Answer 29

There is nothing u can do.He already said what he wanted and thats for u to stay away. just get the divorce and do'nt make it harder than it has to be. And file for child support

Answer 30

Best thing you can do is RUN as far away from this loser as possible and don't look back. I don't mean to sound cruel but why would you want someone who doesn't want you? You deserve much better.

Answer 31

Stay with your parents as long as you can to get back on your feet, take the assholey to court and get child support asap... what a jerk!!! Why would u want a loser like him back????

Answer 32

Hire an attorney, sue for your things and sue him for child support. His parents did a bang up job in raising him.

Answer 33

How about u file for a divorce on the grounds of abandonment and file for child support and alimony

Answer 34

Sounds like a dick head. Nail his *** to the wall for abandonment, child support, and alimony. I believe that if you are not happy, then you need to notify your partner BEFORE you walk out! What a chicken **** loser! You deserve better! Good luck!

Answer 35

Your husband is a cowardly, sneaky little creep. Why you would even consider staying married to him is beyond me. He abandoned you and his children! You need to see a lawyer IMMEDIATELY! Forget what he wants- he lost the right to have his wants and feelings taken into account when he bailed-out on his responsibilities. Forgive me for sounding so rabid, but I despise anyone who walks out on his kids.

Answer 36

If he won't see the kids, he might not pay for child support. And if he took everything, you may want to see a lawyer.

♥ Marie.

Answer 37

Not really just let him go and file for child support..Get a job and get on your feet he is not worth crying over because he left you and your kids..With absolutly nothing.

Answer 38

No cut your loses and move on the good thing is at least you were home when it happened . It's time to move on

Answer 39

At the current time, no. Not much you can do. You need to consult an attorney or solicitor to see what alternative you have.

Answer 40

Get a really really good lawyer go to the judge and try and make couples counseling mandatory.

Answer 41

Move on and find a better man for yourself and wouldn't mind being a possible step-dad

Answer 42

No, there is nothing you can do. He just doesn't love you anymore. And he left the way most men do, the cowardly way.

Answer 43

oh dear.

if he did this to you, what else would he do if you ever got back together.

you dont want to salvage it because you're husbands already given up

you deserve someone who is as commited as you and mature enough to handle his own responsibilites (your children)

Answer 44

your entitled to halfof everything even if he's in Canada get an attorney

Answer 45

i m sorry to hear this.try ur best to talk to him.communicate ur feelings with him.listen to wat problems he have with u and assure him that u will change them and ask him to give ur marriage just one chance.even then if he doesnt agree.go ahead look for a job,earn ur living and look after ur children.

Answer 46

file for a divorce and take tha sob for everything you can

Answer 47

hes an asshole and you deserve better. online dating works! and get a job too. good luck!

Answer 48

Leave his a** and file for a d**** divorce.

Answer 49

you need to get a lawyer fast.

Answer 50

i think you can get him for abandment i would file for divorce if i were you

Answer 51

Cry ; that is the only thing you can do

Answer 52

No hes a loser get a good lawyer..........

Answer 53

celebrate - you don't need a loser like that