I'm married with children but in love with another woman. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy.. Help please...?

Question

I've been married for 4 years and I have a set of twins with my wife. Back in 2006 when I was 23 I met a girl while on vacations in the Caribbean, she's from Montreal and I'm from Toronto but at the time I was living in Ottawa so after we got back we kept contact and actually dated for over 6 months I then decided to go back to school and moved back in Toronto and then New York, living there I met my now wife she's from Hamilton, Ontario we eventually got married and now we have a set of 3 2 years old twins. My wife is awesome and I really love her but the problem now is that I'm very confused. After I ended up my relationship with the girl from Montreal I never heard from her again it was in 2007 the last time we spoke but 7 months ago & 7 years without knowing anything about her I met her here in Toronto at a restaurant, we right away started talking she gave me her number, I called her, we went out etc and now we've been dating for over 6 months. I'm falling in love with her, back in 2006 I had the best time of my life with her and seeing her 7 years later and see that she still keeps those gorgeous blue eyes, that radiant smile, that amazing sense of humor and that wonderful personality is beyond me. She says that she never forgot me, she also got married and now she's divorce and has a 3 years old daughter. This situation is driving me crazy, I don't know what to do. I want to be with my wife but I want to be with this other girl too. Is it normal? Some advice please.

Answer 1

The problem with this other woman is...you don't live with her. You're not married to her. You have "The grass is greener" syndrome. A new relationship is new and exciting. Think back at when you first met your wife. You married her for a reason. You have twins, you have a family. It doesn't sound like you've fell out of love with your wife. It sound more like you're living in the past...you want that 2006 moment back...but it will never be the same. I think you need to cut ties with this fling from your past and focus on your wife and kids. Keep building a good solid future and don't be blinded by a fantasy. How long do you think Ms. 2006 will stick around when you're going through a divorce, paying child support, and fighting with a hurt ex wife?

Answer 2

Don't leave your wife. You married her for a reason - set aside a day, a week, a month, heck, a YEAR and try to remember WHY you asked her to be your wife.



Remember your children. Put yourself in their shoes. Do you honestly believe that they can grow into happy, healthy people with the knowledge that their father abandoned their mother?



Your stepchild may resent you for 'taking the place' of her true father.



There are so many things to consider here.



Stay away from the other woman. You may think that you'll be happier with her, but is your happiness worth the well-being of your own children?



Would you break your wife's heart over this woman?



And what about your parents? What would they think if they knew that their son abandoned his wife and kids for another woman?



Spend time with your wife, and fall back in love with HER instead. You know it's the right thing to do. Don't be selfish.



Your girlfriend will find some other man who can make her happier than you ever could

Answer 3

You need to choose one or the other. Right now you're playing with fire, If this blows up, it will be very bad for you. And your situation will become drastically worse... with divorce, child support, and all the other crap along with that. Fighting to see your children, weekend visits and all that crap. My opinion is stay with your wife and cut ties with the other woman in the nicest way possible. A letter is probably best. You made promises to your wife when you became married. Try and keep them. It may feel like the one that got away, but you don't know what it's like to married to her and live with her on a day to day basis. She's already been through a divorce...sooooo that could be saying something. I'd hate to see you throw away what you got, and a year from now you realized that your fantasy is actually a nut job. Do the right thing.

Answer 4

" she still keeps those gorgeous blue eyes"



...You thought her eyes would change color at some point?



Seriously, if this other girl was all that, you would never have let her go in the first place. You certainly wouldn't have gone on to make a happy life with your wife and not given her a second thought until you ran into her again. You're not in love: you're infatuated and looking for something that's simpler than the family you're now responsible for. But it's entirely in your power to fight this, so do it. Tell your once-and-future ex you need to refocus on the woman you promised to spend the rest of your life with (does she even know you're married?) and that it's over. Then tell your wife just how in trouble the two of you are so you can work on fixing it. If she doesn't want to in light of your betrayal...well, conflict solved.

Answer 5

It's normal to feel an attraction to someone else from time to time. It's not normal to fan the flames of that attraction, to the point where you're damaging your marriage.



The only reason you're falling in love with the new girl is that you're taking the time and energy to do so. What would happen if you took all that time and energy and invested it in your wife instead?



If you cut the girlfiend off and refuse to dwell on the "what ifs," you'll get over her sooner or later. Stop feeding the fantasy, because fantasy is all it is. If you left your wife and married the new one, sooner or later you'd be fantasizing over a third woman, then a fourth. Faithfulness is a choice, not a feeling.



By the way, please don't believe the lie that "children are resilient" and "they'll adapt to the divorce." Divorce hurts children deeply, on many levels.

Answer 6

As a wife myself, I know I would prefer to be aware of the situation.

It might sounds crazy, but talk to your wife. She is very likely feels that's something is wrong anyway. Tell her that you met your past crush and that you are confused. She might be upset, but if she is reasonable and loves you, she is bound to understand your feelings.



It's perfectly normal to revisit feelings from past crushes, don't think she won't be in the same situation in the future. What would you want her to do? Would you want to have a chance to show her your best, that you are better man than a competition? Or would you prefer to be in the dark until she drops a decision on you or feels conflicted for hell knows how many years?



But first, think about why you separated with that other girl. There was a reason, think about it. Think if it's lust or you want to share your life with her.

When you are reading an interesting passage in a book, or see something interesting on a street, who do you want to share it with?

Answer 7

This Site Might Help You.



RE:

I'm married with children but in love with another woman. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy.. Help please...?

I've been married for 4 years and I have a set of twins with my wife. Back in 2006 when I was 23 I met a girl while on vacations in the Caribbean, she's from Montreal and I'm from Toronto but at the time I was living in Ottawa so after we got back we kept contact and actually dated for...

Answer 8

It's one thing to be attracted to another women but you are a married man now with responsibilities to your family. You need to cut ties and tell your wife about your feelings because it is just not right to continue to converse with her. Protect your family! This woman will destroy your family because when you do cut ties, she will tell your wife if you don't. So tell your wife!



The fact that you are dating her while you are married is pathetic and wrong. You married your wife for a reason and have children. Grow up man!



Really though, think about how hurt your wife will be, and your kids.

Answer 9

You need to realize whether it's worth it or not. Is putting your wife and kids through this worth it. Who's to say this woman won't do the same thing to you if you let this temptation go the distance. Now picture as though you were on the other side of the situation and your wife was stepping out on you. How would you feel? How would it effect you? If you say you love your wife, you owe it to her to be honest and tell her whats going on. You vowed to be faithful and to protect your family. It will come out sooner or later....it always does.

Answer 10

You are not in love with this woman. You want to know what it is like to be with someone else. There are tons of beautiful women and handsome men out there. Do you think it would be okay if your wife did this to you? You just want to experience something new and its not weird to want more but try it with your wife first. You can switch things up and try to get that spark back in your marriage. You promised to be with your wife through EVERYTHING! I am guessing you are not blind and have seen a lot of beautiful women in life and if you knew you couldn't stay committed to just one you shouldn't have made that promise to her and to God.



Be a man and learn that sometimes what you want isn't what you need, is this woman really worth losing your wife and family for????? If you say yes then you never really loved your wife.



Best with everything.

Answer 11

ummmm....



Right now (the day you posted this, specifically), YOU are not ready to be married. In fact, you are many years away from being CLOSE to being ready to be married.



You are wondering, should you stay with your wife, or ditch your wife to be with your girlfriend-on-the-side?



Well, the answer is painful, as it is very logical. You are not ready to be married. And that's not going to happen any time while your children are still minors. So you have no choice but to divorce your wife. After you divorce your wife...



Sure, you can date the other girl. Or date anybody else, for that matter. But don't get married again. Don't even THINK about getting married again until your youngest child enrolls in college. By then, you MIGHT be mature enough to think about getting married...

Answer 12

Why don't you think she didn't even try to talk to you in like 7 years she didn't need you whole thing is too good to be true, but you already fell into the trap this girl isn't a prostitute she's gonna home wreck your ***

Answer 13

It is normal for a married person to feel and long for someone else at times, differenct circumstances, different stories, but most of us run into temptaions at some point in our lives. This is part of being human. This is why God created marriage, to keep families together, to create reasons for commtiment to the vows of maintaining loyalty for the sake of the marital union. God knew it would not be easy but he depends on one's promise to stay faithful, not just to our partner, but to the marriage. It takes discipline and sacrifice but if you put your trust in God and the reasons he created vows in marriage you will then make a decision to stay focused on making the marriage work. Your family is dependent on you to be there. Your children need a father to look up to, your wife needs a husband she can trust to entrust her heart to. Don't let them down just because of selfish reasons. Just remember, if this other girl can even go out with a married man shows a lot of negative on her character, so take off the blinders and look towards what you know is the right thing to do. Good luck to you!

Answer 14

Woman Loving Another Woman

Answer 15

You would hook up with a woman who KNOWS you are married and that you have kids?She has no moral character and neither do you.You go ahead and leave your wife.Not only will you hurt her more than you can imagine, you will DESTROY your children's lives FOREVER.Is this woman worth that?You can do as I suggested OR you can do what is right and tell her you cannot see her anymore what you have been doing is wrong andbreak it off completely.Suggest E-Harmony to her and ALSO realize, her divorce may not be all "his fault".

Answer 16

It is normal to feel attractions for other people when you are married. To act on those feelings is wrong. You are playing a mind game on yourself and you never should have cheated on your wife. You are a loser. You have an obligation to your wife. Stop dwelling on that other woman. Dating is always easier than living with someone. Put the effort into your relationship with your wife. You are weak minded and give in to your emotions much too easily. What did you think would happen when you started fooling around with the other woman? Get yourself together.

Answer 17

Stop and think about the reason you stopped dating the girl you met in the Caribbean!!! Why did you both drift apart? What has happened here is that you are trying to rekindle a spark that burned out when you married your current wife! Maybe you and your emotions are caught up in the novelty of reuniting with an old crush? This other woman is divorced. She has nothing to loose by meeting with you. Think outside the box! How much do you have to loose?

Answer 18

ARE YOU GOING CRAZY OR IS YOUR PENIS GOING CRAZY....YOU MIGHT HOOK UP WITH HER AND THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO YOU. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO ELSE SHE'S BEEN WITH. ARE YOU IN LOVE OR ARE YOU AND YOUR MIND IN LUST. YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN WITH KIDS....WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO IMPROVE THINGS WITH YOUR WIFE BEFORE YOU RUN TO SOMEONE THAT MIGHT BURN YOU IN THE END. IF YOU PLAY WITH FIE YOU WILL GET BURNED. YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU WITH THEM...TRY A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, YOUR PASTOR. THE GRASS IS NOT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. YOU MARRIED YOUR WIFE -- THAT IS NOT ONLY A REALITY BUT IT IS ALSO A FACT. WHAT MADE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR WIFE -- THAT IS STILL IN YOUR HEART.

Answer 19

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/WQ7MW



Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.



The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.



Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 20

When you are with her give her your full attention. Put your phone on mute or do not disturb; don’t talk to others more than her and don’t leave her alone when you’re on a date. Read here https://tr.im/YeNEB

Of course there are other people in the room but you don’t want their attention, you want hers. If you have an attractive waitress, only look her way briefly when giving your order. You don’t want to be rude to whoever is serving your food, but don’t engage her or acknowledge her beyond what’s necessary. Women pay attention to these things and will appreciate that you don’t have a wandering eye. If you must leave your date’s side for a moment, give her a peck on the cheek before you leave.

Answer 21

"..those gorgeous blue eyes, that radiant smile, that amazing sense of humor and that wonderful personality.."



Why don't you try - harder - to find similar characteristics in YOUR family? They sure have them; you just don't SEE them, because you are too close to them. Give yourself a break, because you place your head in a hole, and want to pull your body through it. No can do, without pain.

Answer 22

You could easy loose both here if your not careful. I think you need to be on your own away from both women then you will know what's right

Answer 23

Stop to meet your mistress and save your life bc the girl put your life in trobles and head aches only.

If you dump your wife, and marry the widow , you will find your self in middle of endless problems from yiur kids, step kids , your ex wife anger , etc.



Therefore, dump the girl and put all your power on your cureent wife. Then you will have real happy and peaceful life.



I have keeping my first and last marriage for 28 years.

I also had similiar affaires. But, right decision save my life. My wife still do not know it.

Answer 24

First, do not kill your wife.



You are already married and marriage is to last until "death do us part". People who are married are not to fall in love with another person.



Advice: Stop seeing this other person completely. If you cannot do this, then you are not acting like you are a man. You need to change.

Answer 25

Do yourself a favor and end it with the other woman. She is a fantasy - there are no responsiblities, she needs nothing from you. It's not real. Get tough and end it.

Answer 26

Take a step back. You married your wife for a reason but you also cheated with her for a reason. Whatever you decide to do I just hope you will be a good father.

Answer 27

wow. if u re not trolling - most obviously your wife is not that amazing and u re not in love with her at all. if u were u would just exchange polite small talk with another woman after u met her by chance and that would be it. but u went further - u asked her phone number and arranged next meetings. which means u re not in love with your wife and u do not value your family at all. and I do hope yours is a troll story, if not - poor wife and children. and u re a scum

Answer 28

Are you kidding? You lost me when you started talking about getting the 18y/o preggo. In all seriousness think about getting a vasectomy and get an HIV test while you are there.

Answer 29

You are not "in love" with another womanl You are in LUST with her. How about stopping all contact with her and putting your efforts and focus on your WIFE that you married?

Answer 30

guess it's lawyer time.

Answer 31

whatever you do...u gotta make it right for your kids and your innocent wife...no ifs and butts. unless your wife is an ice queen...no reason for you to stray (unless you are a dog).

Answer 32

Tell your wife and deal with the consequences.

Answer 33

This too shall pass...