I've lost everything due to my vile behaviour?

Question

I've been in a complicated relationship for nearly six years now. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but each time we have made it through. There was a break for 5 months, but we both knew inevitably (even though I did start seeing someone else briefly) that we would end up back together. If there was ever a real soul mate for me - it is him.
Recently, we went on holiday and I made the worst mistake of my life. I got drunk (we were all out celebrating) and told his teenage daughters some rather vile things about their mother because I was so angry. Things about why their parents marriage really ended which involved her infidelity. I got into a fight with my partner and ended up giving him a black eye. I verbally abused his sister beyond belief, and then woke up the very nice neighbours at his holiday home and embarssed myself beyond belief, insisting they call me a cab. They ordered a taxi, then I demanding it turn around and take me back, where I woke up my partner (and everyone else) and desperately tried to apologise. He was having none of it and took me to the airport the following morning, despite me pleading with him to let me apologise to everyone. It is completely out of character for me; I have never done anything like that in my entire life. It's as if it was someone else was temporarily in my body. I am so disgusted and ashamed in myself that I'm spending my time cringing and crying and remembering things. The last few days have been agony, I can't eat and yet I'm being sick, I've been driving round in the middle of the night desperately trying to find him, hoping somehow he will be there despite the fact I know he's away. I'm drinking way too much because it's the only way I know to block the pain, whioch physically hurts. I know I've crossed the line beyond belief, and my partner says he absolutely will, under no circumstances ever forgive me, that the children and his sister never want to see me again, not to mention everyone else. He's my soulmate, and I've devestated him, hurt him, and lost him forever and I just don't know how to cope with that, I'm not sure I can. I love him desperately, always have and always will. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

There is very little you can do. By your own admission your relationship has been six years of up and down and break ups. Sounds like your drunken, abusive and violent behaviour has finally blown it.



Your really lucky he hasn't pressed charges for assault etc.



Accept he is now an ex and get some anger management and alcohol counselling.

Answer 2

Start by going to an AA meeting. From what you describe, you have a serious alcohol problem. First, you abused alcohol to the point that you acted completely out of character. For most people, that would be enough to not drink for awhile, but you're admittedly still "drinking way too much." Second, using alcohol to block the pain is another form of alcohol abuse. It will only make your problems worse.



I'm sorry to say this, but you need to find help for your alcohol problem. Only then can you have a real relationship with anyone else.

Answer 3

It should be obvious to you, by this time, that you've disrupted his life ten fold and attempted to ruin his poor daughters emotionally. I'd keep you as far from me as I could, you're real poison. You know this though, you simply CHOOSE not to seek help about your alcohol ABUSE, raging anger and jealousy if not unbridled hostility.



So you can't eat.

So you feel sick.

So WHO IN THEIR PARTIAL, RIGHT MIND, WOULD NOT?



You made your 'bed' and did some very real damage. Your beloved was very, very smart putting his children FIRST and taking care of them and his ex-wife and NOT YOU.



Time to GROW UP - face the CONSEQUENCES of your ugly, nasty, vicious behaviors...You can bet he's gone forever from your life dear, you did a stellar job of destruction of what probably would have been? The best relationship you ever had...



Get counseling. Move on with your life. Grow up. -And don't expect to be forgiven anytime soon (IF ever) In that order.



You just learned a valuable life lesson: YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW IN THIS LIFE.



Grace

Answer 4

First off........... take a deep breath........ pour out ALL the alcohol in your house and stay away from it FOREVER. Alcohol and you do not mix - you proved this to yourself and to everyone else.



All you can do now is talk to him, if he will listen and if he won't write him a letter. Apologize and explain that obviously the alcohol made you act in ways that you would't normally and that you swear you will NEVER drink another drop - but only say that if you mean it.



He may not take you back........ he may in time. Alcohol makes people do very strange things and takes over. Try to explain that. Even if he doesn't take you back you should probably not drink any more.

Answer 5

You need to dry-out for good.



Sorry - the bottle of truth beat you...that or you are having a psychotic break of some type. Driving around looking for someone is not logical.



Chalk this one up as hitting bottom and get help. If you do not want to and think one of us Yahoo idiots are going to offer some "hallpass" to you - you will end up in a horrible situation.

Answer 6

Methinks thou hath appropriate shop thy jaw clamped. easily you could't have sufficient money the Earl of Buttsborough's wrath to descend upon your place. With in basic terms the appropriate project for dearest Chandelier's destiny I beseech thee, evaluate the middle-age's maximum remarkable contribution to civilization -- the chastity belt. The snap of a latch and the clicking of a lock will insure purity no count what your concern's sinful nature dictates... and no count what "dictates" come 'around searching for some organic sin!

Answer 7

Since the alcohol contributed to this terrible problem, it makes absolutely NO sense that you are drinking to try to get rid of your pain.



Alcohol is a depressant and will only exacerbate your depression. You need to find another way to deal with your actions. Perhaps some exercise would help.



I really understand why he left. And please, stop drinking. It makes you crazy and violent and you'll never find someone who will be happy with that.

Answer 8

This has happened to teach you something! If you were completely content then you would not have reacted that way! Things must have been festering for a while! Don't dwell on it and learn from it! I guarantee you that you will eventually forget him and move on! Things will clear up and you will realize why this happened! You need someone who has your back and loves you no matter what!

Answer 9

Life is hard enough as it is. When we create our own problems in life we have nobody to blame but ourselves. Try to control the things you can and not make them worse. There will be some things in life you can't control.



This family has found that out. They couldn't control what happened to them.

www.familyof6needshelp.com

this family could use some help.

Answer 10

You have done yourself a big favour and shut the book on this awful dragged out painful situation that should have been over years ago. Take time to heal, then go find yourself a proper life. Your subconscious recognised this and helped you out because you couldnt see they way out for yourself.

Answer 11

Sounds like you really need help, don't hesitate go get help before you lose more love ones in your life.

Answer 12

Your gonna have to get help, stop drinking or ur gonna do something worse, get help though, but it is ur own fault, good luck,

Answer 13

Leave the poor guy alone.

You've made your bed, go lie in it.