Do you and your spouse share each others e-mail and passwords?

Question

When I was married. My ex and I had an understanding, we would have no secrets between each other and if we had doubt, here is my username and password.

Ultimately, she had an affair after 7 years of being together and had, I found out later, just created a separate e-mail address and had been leading an alternate life for quite some time.

About a year after my divorce, I started dating someone who was going through a divorce and for various reasons, there was always a reason why she needed me to go into her e-mail and do something for her, get a court document, respond to her attorney, etc....

In both cases, I thought the sharing of this information was a bad idea. I am curious if this is a common practice and if anyone else feels that it is a bad pattern to get into.

Answer 1

I think that the thought of sharing everything is noble and ideal, nevertheless it´s un healthy. You need to have your individuality as well as the other. Is just for the sanity of yourself, and in any case if the other wants to be cheating they will do it regardless of the password; if they hide information from you they could have million reasons to why they chose to. They might want to solve that for themselves to make you proud, they may be ashamed and those are some reasons that make them perfectly human and normal. I think that sharing everything should be applied to each other´s feelings, with the understanding of each other period of response; for example I feel sad but I have to take a moment to sort things out before letting you know what happens. Those boundaries of intimacy should be arranged in common knowledge. I hope you feel better about this and have some peace of mind.

Answer 2

Since there is no one I am closer to besides God, I don't mind if my wife has my internet passwords. If there is something I don't want her to see (it would be like a confirmation e-mail to a gift I got her) then i'll just let her know not to look. If she looks then o well, she'd probably feel bad and learn her lesson. If she finds something on there she doesn't like then she will let me know so we can talk through it (apologies if necessary). Same for her.



I am an open book to her and a closed one to the rest of the world in comparison. I think this is where she'll find trust and safety.



I'm still learning what marriage actually is in the eyes of God. I know there is alot more of myself that I need to give up and until I do it is just hindering my marriage from growing deeper in love.



I think in marriage you either get better, bitter, or stagnant somewhere in between. I want my marriage to continually grow in love and part of the battle is already won by realizing that I have a difficult road ahead. But narrow is the path that leads to life and for the joy that was set before him, Jesus endured the cross.



Edit: Besides, are you not trusting your spouse when you're so afraid of them snooping on you with mischievous intent? Do you think the only reason they would want your email is because they are suspicious of you?

Answer 3

My wife and I know each other's email passwords, but out of respect for each other, we don't pry. I'm a computer guy, and could easily write software to keep track of everything she does and everywhere she goes on the internet, but what's the point? Do you think by having some prior knowledge you can keep someone from cheating if they want to? Pay attention to the other person's needs, and listen to them. I mean, really listen to what they say, and you won't have to worry about your significant other cheating. The only way to prevent cheating is to treat your spouse well, at all times. Don't have "unhealthy" fights, and realize that things aren't always going to be perfect, but don't let things go off the rails too far before involving a marriage counselor.

Answer 4

Emails, bank accounts and cell phone records are easy enough to get into. I do not have access to my husband's email, or bank account and I don't try. I get the cell phone bill and pay it. It comes on email to me but I don't open it and scrutinize the numbers. Why? I trust my husband. We are apart for many days and nights every month every year. We speak daily. If one or both of us wanted to have an affair it would be easy to do. We pride ourselves with each other and never have a desire to stray. Our marriage is full of love, trust and dedication.

Your problem is that now doubt in trusting again is strong and is occupying 80% of your mind. You cannot have a relationship that is based on doubt. You will smother your partner, be it your wife or girlfriend, and they will feel uneasy around you. Yes they will then go and seek calmer people to feel valued.

My point is try dating women whom have been divorced a year or more. Less baggage.

Answer 5

You can trust someone entirely and monitor their every move and still get burned. It's impossible to be 100% sure that someone is not cheating or has not done it at some point. Finding out will hurt just as much as if you caught them, found out by accident, or they confessed of their own free will.

So to answer your question, I have email and facebook where my wife knows the passwords, and others that she doesn't. But I'm not cheating, I just enjoy my privacy and she respects that. It is mutual.

Answer 6

I deplore John, men and women who seek to control every aspect of married life, including the sharing of passwords and usernames when it comes to their personal communication with friends and family. It's one thing to share with a bill paying situation that you both need to be current and on top of it. Completely something different to want to take every "inch" of privacy/space from another. While we can't always prevent things from happening as what happened to you with your first wife, I contend that trust is a major marital issue and IF IT ISN'T THERE, one should not be with that person.

Believe me, a relationship may fall apart for a myriad of other reasons, WITHOUT the snooping, violation of privacy you mention when it comes to cell phones and email.



Indeed, it is a VERY "bad pattern" for couples. I could not agree more...



Grace

Answer 7

If you don't trust somebody then you shouldn't be with them. If somebody is going to cheat on you then they will find a way no mater what. If someone wants to share stuff like that with you they are either trying to lull you into a false sense of security or they don't trust you IMO. Even in a relationship you both need to maintain something that is independent from your life together

Answer 8

I think its a bad idea because you never know what they can "catch" you for. Many people do like to make up lies just so they can feel better about themselves for something and make you feel bad. personally i would never like to share my email address and password to anybody but my closest family member(s). if i was in your situation i would never share my personal information with anybody!

Answer 9

We know each others passwords and accounts, but we (as far as I know) don't use them. I trust him completely, we're super open and honest with each other, so I don't feel the need to pry. He can have a life private from mine, as long as he isn't cheating.

Answer 10

no its not bad or anything me and my husband know each others usernames and passwords been married for 7 yrs no problems yet regarding this matter

Answer 11

Nope.



I have no desire to check up on him or have him check up on me. If he wants to cheat, knowing his password won't change that. I will say, if either one of us ever wanted to dig, we could. We leave our laptops, phones and iPads open and on all the time. I never go into his email though. It doesn't feel good to snoop.

Answer 12

Your e-mails and password are your own business. Thats why there is a password to get into your e-mail.

Answer 13

we know each others,but,never pry

we do this ,because if one us us dies,all info we keep on line will be available



checking,safe deposit box info's., in line photos, this wil save plenty of headaches having these things and more available to the other

Answer 14

I share my passwords with my wife and my girlfriend.

Answer 15

I'm in total agreement with Bunny(Grace) on this.

Answer 16

I don't think that its a bad idea at all....if you don't have anything to hide.

Answer 17

me and my man trust eachother completely we never spoke of giving our passwords n wat not to eachother but if one of us ask for it we both are willing to give it to eachother :)

Answer 18

Hell no.