How often should my wife be having sexual intercourse with me?

Question

I believe many of you might be thinking I am a pig and should concentrate on the relationship more.

But please bear with me.

Me and my wife have been together 6 years this April. We used to have intimatr sex every day. After our first child was born, this changed to once a week and i was fine with that.

After our second child was born, we weren't in a financial or emotional position to have another so in result we both agreed to go along with steralisation as her health could potentially worsen.

Now I am 34 years old, she is 35. Since January we have had sex twice which is a big improvement over the last year like not having it at all for the 6 months prior.

I have really worked on myself like paying attention to her and giving her space and being emotionally invested in her but nothing seems to work. I ask for it, every other day and the response is always the same that she's tired, on her period, stressed, she can't get sexually stimulated because she believes something wrong.

I hate to admit but feel like i am not even in a relationship, I am sex starved. My libido is always high and I can't even express it because of constant rejection. I am not ugly so I could easily cheat on tinder but the problem is I am madly in love with her and i want intimacy not random sex.

I am tired, ive looked online and sterealisation doesnt affect sex drive. Relationship studies told me its common for men to get rejected when the women feel like men have no other options. What do i do

Answer 1

This is not normal and unreasonable to expect a partner to stay in almost sexless marriage is miserable. You already talked with her about this. You need to get serious cutting off sexual relations with your partner is a form of abuse and will cause the other spouse to cheat. You also said that you worked on emotional investing which is good because sex starts outside the bedroom as well. You need to both go to couple counseling to try and work on your marriage. She needs more of explanation besides I'm tired everyday or else this will ruin your marriage. You will grow to resent and hate your wife. You need to tell your wife too that you need more physical intimacy. If she cannot do that show her your serious by moving out the house. Create a deadline in your mind for sexual intimacy. It does not take six months to decide. If you two cannot reach a decision even with the help of talking with counselors then it may be time to reconsider your marriage. Don't let people fool you a sexless marriage is miserable. Get out while you still have your good looks, money, and personality if the person is not willing too change. 

Answer 2

Start foreplay the moment you wake up...

Help with the kids.

Help with the laundry.

Bring her a cup of coffee.

Send her a random "IL love you" text in the middle of the day.

Bring take-out food home for dinner.

Hire a babysitter during a weekend afternoon, who puts them to bed, so when you both get home at night, the house is yours.....





I was a mom of two active boys and it was exhausting. I had nothing left to give at the end of the day! When the hubs began helping out, I not only felt appreciated, I had the energy for lots of intimacy.

Answer 3

If you want intimancy then start there get a babysitter take things slowly dress up buy her a gift take her out or stay in give her a massage any little thing to put her in the mood even a romantic movie and see where it goes from there. People sometimes forget what brought them together in the first place remind her!

Answer 4

Problem is you got married, she’s stopped needing to keep you happy, you’ve got kids and no doubt keep the roof over her head, so there you go she’s entitled to half your sh!t now so she’s nothing to loose

Answer 5

I think twice a week is enough for me, if she is not in the mood I get her to strip for me, talk to your wife and see if she will strip for you, you can watch and satisfy yourself that way, its sexy too

Answer 6

You can't expect to have sex all the time.  Things go in fazes.

Answer 7

the question should be ... should I divorce 



yes



Ask your self ,,,, why be married? you are room mates not married. 



it may not have been her plan but it is what it is... If you car was this unreliable you would get a new one 

Answer 8

Yep, you are in the asexualness for the long term.  She got what she wanted from you and you are no longer going to get what you want from her.  It's not about how you act, or pay attention to her, or whatever stupid Bitchez are gonna say.  You need to leave now.  Tell her that she is a *****, and deserves as worse as possible conditions, like a wife-beater.  Pay whatever child support you need to pay, but get the fuckout of there before your testicles shrivel.  Find a pieceofass who wants to get it on.

Answer 9

She has her children and cannot have more, so her "job" is done biologically. 



You do need to consider the reasons why your wife no longer wants to make love with you. Reading books like Dr Phil McGraw's excellent Relationship Rescue helps to give us deeper insights into how relationships work. (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he writes in the book, it isn't only or people whose relationships are in trouble. There are other excellent books, of course.  

Answer 10

You're going to have to tell her she is going to have to step it up. You were a fool to let your sex life go from having it everyday to once a week, it's obvious that your wife is not getting anything from having sex with you, if she was, she would be wanting it more than she is. The next time you have sex with her, you raise her legs up and enter her vagina at an upward angle, the front part of her vagina is very sensitive, tease her, only put 3 inches inside her and move your penis so slowly and then when you are about to go, lay it to her and see if you can't have 2 orgasms, just lay on her and move your penis back and forth so slowly again until you regain your stamina and give it to her again. Maybe she'll get 1. You might get yourself some testosterone pills, cut them in half and give it to her. A guy I worked with that his wife' doctor had prescribed her some and he said she was wearing him out, wanting sex all the time. He was the one wanting some time off.

Answer 11

Does your wife work?  SO, here ya' go.  If she works, she has to get up every morning take care of the kids, get them dressed and fed.  Then, feed all of you breakfast.  Get herself showered and dressed, take the kids to school or day care and go to work for 9 hours not including travel time to and from.  Then, she gets off work, picks the kids up, stops at the grocery store, goes home cooks supper, throws some wash in the machine, takes care of crying kids....fighting with each other or whatever.  Then, she gets the kids ready for bed.  By the time she does this she's understandably exhausted.  Meanwhile you get up in the morning get yourself ready for work, go in and eat the breakfast she cooked for you and head out to work.. Come home, sit in the recliner, have a beer, eat the supper she prepared for you and then you're ready for sex.  Well I'll be darned!!!!  I bet that if you switched places for a week you'd be the one that was too tired.  Even if she doesn't work. a housewife is a full time job and then some. 'Study Shows That Stay At-Home Moms Are Worth A Salary Of At Least $160K.' Any woman who has ever been a stay at home mom knows that the job is hard.  And. It doesn't go much lower than that if she works because she has to fit all her 'duties' in  when she comes home and in the morning. Why don't you ask her out for a date?  Get some romance going.  I'm sure you guys did that before and then stopped as  the kids came.  Too bad because you fall into an old habit of just going your own way.  Become involved again and help her out in the house.  I'm sure she'll appreciate it and when your wife is happy you reap the reward of being happy to.    

Answer 12

You invest in your marriage. For starts you need marriage counseling. Part of the reclamation of your relationship as lovers instead of just exhausted parents is going to be having a babysitter you can rely on and spending the time and money to take weekend getaways together. Nothing kills the libido faster than pumping out a couple of kids and not having adequate childcare. Yes, I get that some men can get it up at a stiff breeze and could achieve orgasm on a filthy and disheveled bed. It generally doesn't work that way for women and if she's covered with kid food, hasn't had time to shave her legs in two weeks and knows she has to provide four dozen cupcakes for the school bake sale the next day she's not going to feel very sexy. I know, it's crazy, women actually have to feel good about themselves to want to get naked with someone else. But that's usually the deal so get yourselves in to see a professional so you can work on this.

Answer 13

No that is not normal.  When I was young, before my vasectomy, I had sex once or twice week (because I have a somewhat irrational frear of getting a woman pregant).. After my vasectomy (no children), I had sex almost every day.  My present wite and  I are over 50 so we usually have sex once a week, sometimes twice.

Answer 14

depends on if you are hung. are you

Answer 15

whenever she wants. if she doesnt want to have sex maybe u gross her out mostly likely thats why. and maybe u make sex gross

Answer 16

When I was married for 20 years and had one child sex was normally 2-3 times per week but now divorced but recently talking to young girls in work, around 30-35 years old they were saying no more than once per month and they have one child but speak to your wife about it and not us, Good Luck

Answer 17

I'm going to try to be objective on this. At some point, the passion fades a bit. It's not necessarily your or her fault; it just happens. However, it's important to make time for one another. This is not unusual. Express your feelings to your wife, and tell her how it hurts you. Also tell her that it's a make or break deal. No sex = no marriage. The fact that you went six months without it is devastating. I can understand that. The most important thing is to nurture your relationship. If she isn't willing to bend, you may need to reassess the relationship. Tell her this; it may be a wakeup call for her.



I've been married to the same man for 13 years. Kids can make things difficult, but it's important to talk and make her aware of your expectations. Having it a few times a month is typical for married couples. As long as you make time for one another, sometimes quality means more than quantity.

Answer 18

see a marriage counselor and good luck.

Answer 19

Yes you are a pig or an idiot, also it seems she cannot confide in you.



One, she is tender down there after two children.



Two, a woman can fall pregnant verry verry easily, see point one.





Change your behavior



















[To be kind, hot rocks use of bathroom sink.] Posted separately. !!@,,,,,

Answer 20

Is she a working mum? If she is a working mum no wonder she is miserable and depressed and lost her sex drive.



If she is a stay at home mum the kids are not excuse for nonexistent sex drive. Having children is very natural. If you are both going about it the right way  she should be a healthy mum of two with a healthy sex drive. If you aren't going about it the right way, then you need to apologise to her and she to you (for not asking her to stay at home/for not asking you how do you cope without intimacy) and she should quit her job.  Being a working mum is unnatural, it goes against thousand of years of evolution. It makes women miserable and they lose sex drive.

Answer 21

Both of you need to sit down with a marriage counselor before the marriage is destroyed.  She is not meeting your needs and she needs to be aware of that.  When you have kids, sex is put on the back burner and unless BOTH of you make an effort to keep each other satisfied, the marriage will slowly be killed.

Answer 22

you should have another woman move in with you.  The ladies can share the household chores and you can have sex more often.   It would be a win-win-win.  

Answer 23

"should". There is no right amount.  It is a mutual decision which may involve compromises.  The one thing I cannot understand is that I love my wife and gladly do anything to make her life better.  She loves me and gladly does anything to make my life better. Including sex.  So what is going wrong for you two?

Answer 24

She had sex with all of us at least twice a week.  Not including Hummers.  We all had anal with her, but that wasn't your question.   I would tell her once a week in the pink and once a month in the stink.

Answer 25

You need to try to fix the problem. You've set it out here quite clearly - she is stressed, and feels like something is wrong with her (which probably adds to the stress). So your solution is to keep asking, which is probably making her feel more stressed and more like something is wrong. The solution is to be supportive of her feelings, accept them as genuine, and stop asking all the time (because asking all the time is basically saying I think you're lying about the reasons you've given).



You need to have a serious conversation about why she's feeling really stressed (leave the sex out of it for a minute). Are there things you can do to help - either individually or together. I don't know, look at different childcare options that give you both more time to yourselves, find ways of improving the burden of chores between the two of you (I don't mean you do more necessarily, but perhaps you swap some jobs) if that's stressful for her or see if you can find ways of reducing jobs around the house, is there some other problem at work or in her family that you could support her with to make her feel less stressed? Basically, ask why she is stressed, listen, and ask what you can do to help, and then do it within reason. You could also use this as an opportunity to ask if she is happy in the relationship, if you can honestly say that you will be able to calmly work together on whatever the answer is.



If she thinks she might have a problem, then don't be dismissive of that just because of what you've read on google. Encourage her to seek a professional opinion from her doctor, and support her in that. Make it clear that you love her, and won't love her any less if there is a medical problem, and it's something you can work through together. Note that doesn't mean work through so you can start having sex, but work through so she feels happier, less stressed, and more comfortable. The sex comes later.



In the mean time, consider other ways you can be intimate. Ask her to suggest things, if that's helpful. But don't do the classic thing of waiting until the kids are in bed, dinner done, the house cleaned, and it's 11pm and she has to be up at 6am for work, because that's not good timing. If you want to be intimate, make sure there is space and time for you to do so slowly, without any pressure (including pressure of time or sleep), and make it abundantly clear there is no pressure from you for her to 'perform'. Even if you just spend some time physically close, you don't need to do anything sexual to feel intimate.



If this all sounds too hard, or too likely to end in arguments, then you could consider a couples therapist/counsellor as both an independent person and an independent setting for you to start this discussion.

Answer 26

AT LEAST 2 TIMES AWEEK, IF BOTH ARE WORKING

Answer 27

Anytime you want it.  My long term girlfriend has agreed to blanket penetration privileges for me.  Anytime I want it - I get it.  She has to drop everything and submit to me sexually.  Even in the middle of an argument.  If more couples had this arrangement the relationship would likely go much better. 

Answer 28

Similar boat over here, the problem is you believe in "sex drive" and not "that sounds fun because there's nothing else to do to get my high". And the truth of the matter is, she's getting her high every day through children loving her and feeling a sense of purpose. She's not going to have sex when she's already fulfilled and if she's exhausted.



The only advice I can give you is tell her that you need regular intimacy to be emotionally/mentally healthy. She will say she's too tired or she can't because she's not in the mood. When she gives you lame excuses then the only option left is to throw money at it. Nannies, house maid, hotel stays without kids, personal assistants, you name it. She won't "do you" because she has too much she wants to "do" besides you. Take away all her stressors and she'll likely find more but keep throwing money at it. Personal trainers, tanning salons, laser hair removal, you name it. Eventually her mental illness of being "too busy" will go away, but at what cost to you? Well, if sex is this important to you, it will be worth it.



The only other option is to get her to agree Will Smith style to open up the marriage and let you have sex legally on the side with girls who don't have STD's. It works for some people (mostly black people) because no woman should have to be burdened with a man's sexuality in the modern era; but women have this pride issue where they consider it cheating, even if they picked the girl, so this doesn't sound possible. It's just a solution to the problem if y'all are poor/broke.



Good luck fellow Millennial, life isn't easy

Answer 29

that sounds tough. damn. I really think the only option you have is to talk to her about how miserbale its making you feel

Answer 30

you need to sit her down and have a open and honest discussion I mean straight out open and honest..if nothing changes you have your answers and its time to move on or find a lover on the side.

Answer 31

Look into her eyes and love her. that's what you really need. 

Answer 32

You need to discuss that with her not on public internet page.

Answer 33

I'm gonna get this out of the way before I start. Sex should not be the end-all-be-all of any relationship. It's not healthy.



This is what you should do with any issues you have with your partner-talk to them! Ask her why she doesn't want to have sex. Don't ask her after she refuses, though (it may make her feel singled out and get defensive), pull her aside one day and open up. And respond accordingly.



If she says she doesn't feel sexy, make her feel sexy. Show her she's beautiful, tell her she's gorgeous. Having 2 kids can take it's toll on a body, she may not like it as it is. Let her know that she's stunning no matter what. Make her feel it.



If she says it's boring, make suggestions to spice things up. Roleplay, handcuffs, wax, I don't know. See if there's anything she's always wanted to try. Tell her things you may want to try. Make it exciting, not a chore!



The kids possibly walking in? Find sitters.



She doesn't get off? Foreplay is always good. Work to get her in the mood. Harder work=better payoff. Before you stick it in, preform oral on her (many guys don't do this, no idea if you do or not) to get her to get off.



Ask her what things would help her get into the mood. Strip for her, massages, ask her to strip for you, watch adult films together if it would help, anything.



Maybe it's an outside force that's affecting her libido, like stress. See if you can help in any way. Give her affection and romance without expectations of sex.



If talking it out doesn't help, you should try couple's counseling.

Answer 34

You are both still young, yes even mid 30s is young, you admitted your madly in love, it doesn’t matter what she even couples long term in 20s can lose the sex in their lives, 



Try romancing, think about a night you two have had before that led to sex, I know with kids it can be difficult, but even say let’s have a date night, or even surprise her, put the kids to bed early, dim the lights, light some candles, get her favourite drink, win/gine/cocktails whatever it is. 



Keep it consistent, don’t expect sex then if it happens great, if not don’t give up, put the effort into loving each other and showing it, tell her she looks hot, that she turns you on, after a while being called beautiful is great but being appreciated for being hot and sexy is a turn on.



Also put effort into yourself, something that she will notice, a hair cut a new after shave, not that your trying to impress anyone else make it so she knows your trying to impress her, 



Also trying “making out” add some tongue, partners saliva activated intimacy



Remember everyone loses spark but it’s important to get it back.



Remember I said keep it consistent don’t stop, if after a while weeks or a couple months she still not interested I would say it’s time to have a conversation about how she feels, if she’s okay, what does she want from you and go from there 



Don’t give up. 

Answer 35

Have you thought about getting marriage counseling? First get physicals from your medical doctor for both of you.

Answer 36

It is very common for women to lose their sex drive, after giving birth. Our bodies change and our minds / souls take their time to catch up. Meanwhile, we feel depressed. Also, two kids and a full time job take a lot out of us. So, she must be really tired. Now, helping your wife with house chores, taking care of one of your children, while she takes care of another might make her feel less tired in bed with you. Now, your wife might not know that any kind of excuse she gives you in bed, feels like personal rejection to you. She needs to be told about how you feel, because women don't feel the same way you do. Communication is very important in any relationship. And she also might be suffering from postpartum depression to the boot, which requires medications and therapy to overcome. While you stewing and feeling sorry for yourself, the mother of your children desperately needs physical and emotional help. You are watching and listening, and doing nothing about it.

Answer 37

research has shown that masturbation becomes more likely with increased education, greater frequency of sexual thoughts.

Answer 38

Do you still treat her the same as the beginning if the answer is no, you know what to do . If the a answer is yes you should have a serious talk with her and let her know how you feel.

Answer 39

Never with that attitude 

Answer 40

Judging by you posting this question on yahoo answers, she should have intercourse daily, just not with you. 

Answer 41

Honestly a healthy 34/35 year old couple should be having sex 4 times a week with breaks in between, For some just weekend romps because of a busy life and kids you seem healthy she's not it's ok just fap love is from the heart sex is in the mind. Be 100% open try oral,mutual pornography watching anything if she has a huge problem then i'm sorry man. 

Answer 42

Tell her that pleasing her is your priority. Give her often long body messages and playfully have fun. She should respond inkind to your heartfelt efforts. Worked like a charm for my husband but he understand the right touch for me. That and vacuuming the house. How could I ever refuse him anything

Answer 43

Go to physcritist

Answer 44

Have you thought about Marraige/Relationship Counseling? It may help the both of you see where the other is asking for love in a different way, and both are seeing rejection. 

I'd suspect there is something else,something more behind this. Something that may not have seemed a big issue to you, but perhaps was to her. Or it may be other factors, outside of the bedroom, that do have her feeling less sexual. Has she perhaps slipped into "Madonna Mode"? Where all of her focus is on motherhood and being a good parent. Forgetting that she is also a wife and partner to you? Does this apply to matters outside the bedroom too, where the children get priority? Where everything is arranged around the children's needs? Do you go out as a couple or are the children ALWAYS included? Could be she sees it as pressuring when you are asking for sex "every other day"? Could she see it as you prioritizing sex over how she feels, or what she wants?  You see it as rejection when she says she is tired. Could she be genuinely tired? Is she well and happy apart from this issue or does she constantly seem tired and unwell? Sad or depressed? Could her overall health be a factor? Would seeing a doctor to rule out health factors be something you two would consider doing? You do have every right to express what you need from the marriage and from her. Just as she has. Are you going about that in the right way? Have you expressed how hurt and personally rejected it makes you feel when she constantly says no? That you need the physical expression of your love for each other? Perhaps Counseling could help you both see how to help the relationship get back to where it should be. Perhaps not. But at least you would have given it a try. Good luck. 

Answer 45

In her mind it has always been about her, so you were just a sperm donor and wallet. Now that she believe she has full access to you income and your your sperm don't matter, you have lost all value in her eyes.  Sex is a part of a relationship and if there is no sex, then there is no relationship.  I would start with opening a private bank account and deposit your income into it.  Its kind of interesting that women seem to get more sexual when they believe it gives them access to your income.  You should start to divide up the bills and cancelling things like cable.  If she wants it she can pay for it.  The truth is relationships do not last forever, but the more willing you are to leave the more she will try and keep you around (until she is ready to leave).  In her mind it has always been about her, so you were just a stop until someone better comes along.

Answer 46

You've probably realized sex is only a symptom, but the collapse of your relationship is the likely problem or cause. Unless and until both of you recognize this and want to solve it, nothing will be effective. This is an opportunity for you to join forces toward repairing your frayed marriage with the goal of making it the way you'd both like it to be.

Answer 47

i'm older and me and my wife have sex every day

Answer 48

Females will manipulate intimacy the way they can, find a honey that will back it up more often. 

Answer 49

You say you "ask for sex." That is, you tell her you want sex. As if she doesn't already know. A "This is what I want" conversation isn't constructive; it's just whining about not getting what you want.



Instead of having conversations about what you want, maybe have a conversation about "What do you want from me?" Ask her what needed to change in the marriage for you two to have a monthly "just me & you" afternoon. She probably has a long list of personal changes she wants to see in you, changes that she desires every bit as strongly as you desire getting your ashes hauled. 



Of course whether or not to make those personal changes is your choice. Just like whether or not to get sexy with you is her choice.